Do you attend funerals?

[Rnmomajmj]

I was just wondering how many of you attend a patients viewing or funeral? I've gone to two of my patients and it really seamed to help with the closure. Although, I was very disappointed to see that my office did not send flowers to either of the funerals/viewings I have attended. What do some of your companies do? Do you send flowers? Card? I feel that we are there to support them through the illness/death and then right after we are gone. I know the Chaplains call and talk to the families and offer their berevement support for 13 months but I really think flowers or a card really would mean alot to the family members. What do you all think????

Thanks,

[rmw44]

From a family member's perspective, when my mother-in-law passed away, seeing hospice staff attend the funeral was like an "honorable mention" for the moment. We all felt totally blessed that the nurses would take time out of their day for the funeral of someone they barely got to know.

That's the great part about hospice. The staff know how to recognize if their presence is really wanted or not and every family is not treated the same.

[Sabby_NC]

From a family member's perspective, when my mother-in-law passed away, seeing hospice staff attend the funeral was like an "honorable mention" for the moment. We all felt totally blessed that the nurses would take time out of their day for the funeral of someone they barely got to know.

That's the great part about hospice. The staff know how to recognize if their presence is really wanted or not and every family is not treated the same.

Thank you so much for this post.

Your comments reassured what I do and why I do it. :)

[curiousauntie]

In my hospice the spiritual care coordinator posts the obits for the staff to see and the staff decides if they want to attend. If I have been close to the patient or the family I do go. Two weeks ago my best friend died, on my hospice, of cancer. As she was a nurse too, in a long term care facility in the town we live in much of the hospice staff already knew her prior to her admission to hospice. At the memorial service 4 of the staff showed up. (we have a small office, so this was over a third of the staff). It touched me, although I expected them to come. What it did most was affirm to my friends sons, one of whom lives 2000 miles away and was not able to be near her for most of her illness untill 2 days before she died, that the people who took care of her in her final days are wonderful caring people. He has mentioned to me numerous times how caring the people I work with are. This is the reason we need to be sure that at least one staff member attends the service for each patient. As someone who has been on both sides of the coin, so to speak, I know it helps me, the nurse, with the closure and it helped me, the grieving best friend, to see those nurses at the service.

[kyhospicenurse]

I have gone to quite a few visitations of my patients. Once, 2 different patients in the same evening and in different states, though they were only about 30 minutes of each other. I give all my patients the support and respect they deserve and there are always some that you get closer to than others. There are several I went to because I got close to the families and knew they were looking for me for support in their time of sorrow and some I have went to for the closure I needed.

[RyanSofie]

I have attended visitations for patients not only to show respect for the patient but because in Hospice the focus of our care is the patient and the family.Our Chaplains often are requested to provide eulogies or song and often stand as pallbearers. You cannot be a hospice nurse and not be personally touched by patients and families.The families need our support and to know we are present in honor of their loved one. My husband was Muslim and a hospice patient. The hospice staff did not consist of anyone of the Muslim religion but the day he was taken to the Mosque for noon prayer before his burial the Iman came to me and told their were "visitors" for me outside. Imagine my sense of suppport and compassion when before me stood my husbands nurse,the MSW and the HHA's who had lovingly cared for him and my family during his illness. All had covered their heads as in Islamic tradition and out of respect for his beliefs. They had come to show their respect and I have never forgot them.

[NurseAlwaysNForever]

I go to the patients I am very close to. I usually hang out in the back. There was a family once that told the funeral home that if a lady came in with blue scrubs on and the logo of my company on them to sit me with the family. It was an honor. Our company also sends out cards to every patients family after they pass and we all sign them.

[finn11707]

Just curious--what do your management teams support about attending funerals/memorials? I have worked 2 different hospices--one almost insisted no contact after death--except a call. The other states it is not a priority..go if you want...but not on duty time or reimbursed in any way. I believe hospice nurses would indeed benefit more if supported to do this form of closure when it is needed--if it was a tough, lingering case...Bottled up grief is not good for us and when the work is intense or deaths are frequent, honoring the end is healing. In my agency, we have a once a year memorial service for hospice families and our staff is encouraged to attend too--to support, but is not re imbursed! and it is after work hours! We also have a 2 x yearly staff memorial which is quite lovely. Brief, with poetry, candles and a remembrance tree. We are encouraged to softly speak the names of patients we remember who touched our lives. It is quite healing. As a team, we pass around a rather sterile looking sympathy cared for all to sign. Still, I wish there were more support for staff attending a funeral here and there. I think it is sometimes very important for us and the families

[rnboysmom]

We are given the option of attending fuanerals and visitations and are allowed to schedule this into our day. For most of us, it helps with closure and often helps the family as well. We have never received a negative comment by attending these services, only great thanks and appreciation. We used to send flowers to each patient's funeral, but realized that they were often "lost in the crowd". We now send an ornament to each family member that was directly involved in the patient's care (an angel or a dove) with a short poem. We have gotten a multitude of favorable comments on these ornaments and the family often writes us for several years in a row and states that the ornament comforts them each year when they are trimming the tree for the holiday. We are very sensitive to find an alternate gift (sometimes a garden stone) for the families that do not observe the traditional Christmas Holiday.

[mim-o]

We have the "Death Squad Girls" on my unit- 2-3 nurses that feel it's necessary to attend a patients funeral. AAGGGHHH! This is a PRIVATE time for friends and family to pay thier respects to a lost loved one. Were we friends? Are we family? Either way we should not have been the patients nurse. I feel this is a blatant violation of the nurse patient relationship. It may by different for hospice care where a peaceful passing is the nurses goal but for most families a nurse at the funeral is just a painful reminder of a difficult time. Many families who lose someone take a bit more time before the stop wondering if something more could have been done.- Do you really think the nurse that they are wondering about "how good was the quality of care" would be helpful for the at that time? It can even be construed as "the nurse must have been feeling guilty about what happened". Acceptance comes later. Despite the liability ramifications I think this most likely to be hurtful for the family and downright intrusive.[/quote/]

I am an RN, but also the family member of a dear loved one who was a Hospice patient several months prior to her passing. I can not say enough wonderful things about the PROFESSIONALS who were compassionate and kind along with being knowledgeable. I do not remember many people/faces during the visitation or funeral, but I do remember her Hospice nurses being there-it touched not only my heart but my families as well. The comment was made in the family that not only did they care for her during her illness and death, but was compassionate enough to pay their last respects to her and the family during a horrible time at her passing. From my experience and point of view your comments are way off base and seem COLD and disrespectful in themselves. Nursing involves practicing skills well, but also practicing them with compassion-this is the true heart of nursing:nurse:. So, please do not look down on these women-you have no right-and you do not know how many lives they have touched thru their acts of kindness