Hospice Nurses/Volunteers. Do you think your experience...

WillowNMe · Mar 6, 2011

I think it maybe helps to understand the process better, but I still go through the same grieving process... I have seen a couple of my co-workers, though, take sort of a third person seat. I don't know if they get stuck in the denial stage, but its like they handle it like a business or something.

netglow, ASN, RN · Mar 6, 2011

Nobody knows. So much personal/family issues to deal with. I will say one thing in defense of those who seem to 3rd person things. Maybe they've said goodbye long ago because they've been able to prepare mentally possibly for years. Maybe they know that they do have to keep things in check to some extent... have to be able to pick up and work a 12-hour the next day, etc. Maybe they do not feel close to family members. I say, you will end up feeling how you need to feel.

leslie :-D · Mar 6, 2011

i honestly don't know how to answer that question.

i was with my mom until she took her last breath...

i laid in bed next to her, held her, and whispered in her ear.

i was not out of control or overly emotional.

i don't know if my 'composure' had to do with my yrs as a hospice nurse, or because i was so relieved she wouldn't be gaining consciousness, to learn of her imminent mortality.

but you know what?

in its totality, i suppose being a hospice nurse, did help in being in the icu environment, and understood the multiple drips she had going.

i didn't need to ask a hundred questions.

so my answer would have to be, yes...it helped me in that respect.:)

leslie

Black Jade, BSN, RN · Mar 6, 2011

I think the word I was looking for was, were you mentally prepared like "onaclearday" stated when it happened to you? My parents are still healthy and are at that age were I don't know if I'm ready to let them go when it's their time. I'm not as close to my parents as I would like to, but despite our differences, I still love them dearly and I would like to feel peace when their times come. I've known people whose loved ones haved passed a long time ago and are still grieving, while others talk about them matter-of-factly.

This is one of the reasons I have been pondering about going into Hospice, besides going in for professional reasons. I would like to volunteer first to have an idea whether I can handle it emotionally. At the same time, I know that I can give the best care to my dying patients. I think with patients I can be compassionate and can detach myself when it's their time because I was able to give the best comfort care they needed. However, I am afraid that I will feel emotional during the dying process and would not be able to commit to this even as a volunteer.

Leslie, I appreciate you sharing your personal experience and I am sorry for your loss. It means a lot hearing from somebody who already went through that experience and I know that I am not the only one who feels that way.

Black Jade

tiroka03, LPN · Mar 6, 2011

I know that having worked in a LTC helped me understand what was happening. I didn't need to ask questions, I already knew. But being prepared? It didn't help me in the least. When my mom died, I was sitting next to her on a chair. I turned away for a second and she was gone. I couldn't believe it could happen so fast. I was all kinds of mad at that moment. I actually reached up and tried to grab at the air. Sounds a little strange, but I was mad at the angel that took her and didn't allow me to see her pass. I was mad at her to just slip away while my head was turned. I yelled, get back her and give me a proper goodbye. It was then I remembered I was a nurse - not a psych patient.

When the mortuary came to pick her up, the LTC facility was in the throws of 2 emergencies, they didn't have the manpower to help move her to the gurney. So, out of respect to my mom, I helped. After that I started to cry like a child. I found a nurse and hung on to her ,and she walked me up and down the hallway for quite a while as I sobbed. I didn't care who thought what of me.

Then I remembered again, that I was a nurse.

After about two years I began working on a Hospice Unit. I always told people, you don't have any control over what you will feel. The important thing is to just embrace the moment and not care what anyone thinks. I undertand being too tired to feel anything, or just being overjoyed that it's all over. What ever the feeling, it's the one that we need to support them in.