Help!--Soul searching.

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Specializes in ER/ICU/Dialysis.

Here it goes, it's long, sorry.......I have been a nurse now for more than a year and a half and I have worked in the ICU for the majority of that time and now I am in dialysis. Since nursing school, it has been an uphill battle. My introduction into the hospital setting was horrendous. I was pulled on/off my orientation numerous times, preceptors who were more concerned with smoke breaks rather than teaching, and once I was off orientation (which didn't feel much like one) I was given assignments that were way over my head. I switched hospitals and pretty much started all over with just slightly better luck, but staffing started getting worse-with the more experienced nurses leaving for better pay-and the harder assignments were being turned over to us newbie nurses. There were points that I was seriously worried about the patients and my license and when I spoke up or refused an assignment, I was labeled a troublemaker or "not a team player." :o

So I left and went to another realm of nursing, which I am finding out is not me at all. And that's okay.

But my real dilemma is I am beginning to think I made a huge mistake of becoming a nurse in the first place. I have worked in the medical field off/on for the last 10-12 yrs as a CNA in LTC, hospital, hospice and home health. I enjoyed nursing school and did very well while I was in school.

However, the stuff I have seen in the last year and a half is enough for me to never enter a hospital as a pt and take my chances with the disease process. :uhoh21:

I feel I have been lied to and I feel I may have wasted my time with school. I love helping my patients, I really do; I love the families I encounter and I am glad to do my part with educating and treating my pts and their families. But I don't know how much I can stomach watching a pt have an unnecessary questionable surgery that ends with death,the ethics of some/the industry or the lack of proper training and/or the short amount of time in nursing orientation, etc, etc.

I know I have to choose my own path and that no one can make that choice for me. Nursing has always been a goal of mine and I pursued it with great determination and passion until I finally reached my goal. I will continue to further my education, but I am feeling stuck at the moment.

I am asking anyone who cares to take the time to read this, to let me know if they have experienced the same things, do they have any pointers they could share, or maybe some words of encouragement.

I think and believe that this is still a very honorable and noble profession and the men and women who work within it are angels in human form.

I am just looking for people who are in the same boat as me, or who have been able to jump ship....I am trying my best to keep my sanity.....:crying2:

Thanks.

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((((trippinwitchu))))

What you are going through is typical of nursing in a lot of ways. I've been a nurse for along time. My start was very much like yours, and things haven't changed all that much over the years.

I did find a situation I can live with. I do the best I can for my pts in spite of it all.

You just do the best you can. Try to find the most tolerable work situation you can. If you live in an area where nurses are in demand, you will have a lot of opportunities to look elsewhere.

Nurses aren't angels- your recent experiences have shown you that. We are just regular people doing what we gotta do.

In some ways, working in nursing is about finding the level of crap that you can live with.

I care about my pts, and I am proud to be a nurse- but it took me a long time to be able to deal with a lot of the unethical and disheartening things we see and experience.

All the best of luck from one who's been there.

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I have been in this field about 2 years now, and what can i say been there done that. I went to my don one day and said i think i have made one of the biggest mistakes of my life i dont think that this is for me I did not even get an orientation i got one night with another nurse and that was it, thankfully i had been a stna for awhile before. so i was not blind to what goes on in health care. my don told me that it will really take a good nurse about 2 years to build their confidience and she was right for personal reason i stayed with in LTCF that is just where i belong and i am comfortable i no longer spend half the night 2nd guessing myself when i get home and i am not affraid to ask questions when in doubt. you just need to find your nitch thats all. good luck:twocents:

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Specializes in pedi, pedi psych,dd, school ,home health.

I think you have gained some valuable insight into what makes you tick and what frustrates you. that is not a bad thing!!

worked in the medical field off/on for the last 10-12 yrs as a CNA in LTC, hospital, hospice and home health. I enjoyed nursing school and did very well while I was in school.I love helping my patients, I really do; I love the families I encounter and I am glad to do my part with educating and treating my pts and their families

Perhaps you are just in the wrong setting. what about LTC or hospice or home care? all of those settings are in demand and you have opportuniites galore in those areas. dont give up on yourself yet!!! you worked long and hard to get to this goal. the harder part is finding your niche in this profession.:nurse: I have been blessed to be doing what i love . but it took my share of falls and frustration to get here too..even as an experienced nurse. So cut yourself some slack and look for something that puts that spark back ... before you go greet at wally world or somethin! And never hesitate to bring your questions or frustrations to us here at AN!!:heartbeat

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Specializes in ER/ICU/Dialysis.

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I do feel better after reading your responses. I have an interview tomorrow with a home health agency, wish me luck!!!!

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Specializes in ICU,HOME HEALTH, HOSPICE, HEALTH ED.

trippinwitchu ---How did the Home Health interview go?

During my first 4 years as a nurse, I also had a vague sense of having made a mistake with the profession.Then, in 1987, I (involuntarily) joined the Home Care affiliated with the hospital who had, in the process of job re structuring and budget reductions, just deleted my position with their Breast Center. The re assignment was a gift, I discovered. Sure, it takes time to learn the very different focus--how to teach, case manage and build rapport in the home, be 'out there alone. But, I suspect you will feel relief, once you have done it a while, and may even find, as I did, that it is a blessing. Home Health Care is one of the few placed you are somewhat buffered from hospital politics--at least for the hours you are out in the field. Most of us never want to go back to working within the 4 walls.

Good luck

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