We have one of our daughters friends living with us. This kid was in a state run childrens home for a few years. She had to leave when she turned 18. She was going into the military just to have somewhere to go, to belong.
She is very polite, shy, quiet, and fun to be with. The problem is she asks permission to do anything, has very few clothes, and almost no self esteem.
I would like to provide her with a wardrobe, self confidence, and a place to always belong - where some one gives a damn about her. Not for what she can do or give them.
She is very sensitive about not having much of anything. My problem is how to provide it for her without stepping on what little self esteem she has. This kid has been hurt so much in her young life and I will not let it happen again if it is in my power to prevent. I want her to feel that she can always come home ( my house) weither she goes to college, the army, or gets married. She has so much potential at this point, I just don't think anyone has ever told her so.
This is not about making my family look or feel good. We discussed it in depth and prayed about it. This child, young woman needs us as much as we need her. What can I do? How can I do it? To me, I have another kid who lived somewhere else for the first 18 years of her life. To her, I think we are just temporary lodgings. How do I let her know that she is always welcome? I have told her, as my husband has, that while she may sometimes do things that we do not like, we will never throw her out of the house and that when she does leave, it will always be open to her just like Kala. That she will always have a refugee from the world.
My heart is heavy in trying to find a way to provide for her without making her feel that she is charity. Any help that you can give will be appriciated.
She is going to get the chance to fininsh high school and maybe college now. She was planning on quitting school for the military just to have a home.
Has anyone else run into this? My daughters friends talk to me when I am home about things that they would never talk to their mothers about. I feel honored and blessed by this and just want to do what is right by this young one. My husband is scared to death that somebody will take advantage. He is just as protective of her as he is with our daughter. Just an example of what I mean, When she moved in with us, she made an appointment to put her puppy to sleep because someone told her that she could not have it at the house. We have 2 cats and 1 dog. when she asked us to take them to the vet, my husband said OK. Then he ask what for. When she told him, he was ready to take on the world for her. This puppy has been the one thing that she really cares about. She was going to do it not to make problems for us.
I am sorry if I am rambling but I don't know where to turn. My mother is calling me insane to do this. I don't know what I am doing that is so wrong. Maybe yall can see something that I can't. And yes what little family she has knows where she is at. That was the only thing I ask that she do. She has never really celebrated Christmas with a family either. She is trying to bow out of traditions so she won't be in the way. My daughter tells me and her father that she is jelous that Kala has this. We want her to be part of it also. Help.
May you have a Merry Xmas and may God bless your home
What you have done is wonderful
My husband and I (a few years back) took in his 3 nephews
Chuck is now 19 and autistic.
tony and willy are 15 and 13
We took over chuck's care when his Grandmother died ( his mother was unable to care for him) and We took inn the other 2 when their father went to jail.
I had 3 of my own from a previous marriage
My husband has helped raise 5 boys ( the daughter was on her own)
We just treated all of them the same. same rules etc.
One never got more or less.
Treat her like your own. With X-mas just a few short days away Santa can give her some extras and then like the above posts take her shopping let her know the budget and make a pact that when she starts her first part time job or finishs school that she will pay you back slowly.
This will boost herself esteem and give her some confidence in her future.
Tony and Willy's dad has been living with us for the past 8 months. He is getting his life together and will soon move into a management postion with a local food chain. They will be getting there own place in the New Year.
Even though there Dad is here the still come to my husband and I for guidance and always ask our permission to do things.
The other day Tony won 2 hockey passes he came home very excited and he said " Uncle Wayne look what I won will you come to the game with me?"
We had to gently remind him that perhaps he should ask his Dad if he'd like to enjoy the special time with him. I feel bad for his Dad but proud that they think so much of us.
To make a long story short do for her like you would your own.
Lots of hugs kisses and most of all let her know that she belongs.
Sounds like a great teen with a rough past
glad there is someone out there to look out for her
When I was still married and living on the ex's family "farm".(15 acres in what is now prime property) I befriended quite a few young men and women while volunteering for the cooperative extension service.
I hired a young teen to clean stalls and help me put up some fence one summer. I didn't really have the money nor the need to hire someone, he just seemed like he needed that at the time. ( long story of family dysfunction stuff)
Well the little 5' something kid grew up to about 6'2" in a short time. I only knew him for that summer...
I was approached about 3 or 4 years after that by some tall and quite good looking man in the grocery store. He approached me with a big smile and a very big hug. Explained to my startled face who he was and who he is now and thanked me for helping him in his most difficult time. He also invited me to his church for sunday services. What a difference, and for some reason he felt I had helped him.
Just being there when there is a need helps.
Treat her like she is a human, just as you treat others. People do learn from example, be her example on how to live life.
The dark side of my helping kids was a troubled young teen female who loved to talk to my horses. She would come over occasionally and clean stalls, oil tack, brush horses and help me with the mares that would arrive for breeding to my stallion. Just so she could ride anything....she was so quiet and gentle with the horses that I could trust her with some of the training I was paid to do and offered her some of the money for her assistance. She never developed a regular schedule, just seemed she arrived during her darkest times to regroup. The horses seemed to understand her, as though they could read her mind and even the spooky ones didn't give her a hard time.
Well the bad thing is one day while volunteering as a paramedic, she had a dark time with no where to go I assume. I was in the middle of divorcing my ex so no more horses to talk to. She put a shotgun in her mouth and pulled the trigger. That was the hardest call I ever had to go on.
You are special to offer to be family to this young adult, she sounds like a special person with lots of potential. Just do what seems right to you and your family. Make her one of your own, thats what she needs.
We took in several youngsters. One in particular came from a dreadully troubled family and he was such a good kid. He moved in, we provided for him just as we did our own kids, he followed the rules, etc. He was a groomsman at our oldest daughter's wedding, listed in the wedding announcement in the paper as her brother, and was in the "family" photo taken there.
He lived with us until he was nearly 22. He brought his new baby to see us when his girlfriend gave birth. He keeps in touch and we know he loves us and we love him.
Tell her you are accepting her as your new daughter and you are doing all these things for her because you love her and want her to succeed in life. True love means so much to these kids!
sixes
275 Posts
Bless your Heart.
May you have a Merry Xmas and may God bless your home
What you have done is wonderful
My husband and I (a few years back) took in his 3 nephews
Chuck is now 19 and autistic.
tony and willy are 15 and 13
We took over chuck's care when his Grandmother died ( his mother was unable to care for him) and We took inn the other 2 when their father went to jail.
I had 3 of my own from a previous marriage
My husband has helped raise 5 boys ( the daughter was on her own)
We just treated all of them the same. same rules etc.
One never got more or less.
Treat her like your own. With X-mas just a few short days away Santa can give her some extras and then like the above posts take her shopping let her know the budget and make a pact that when she starts her first part time job or finishs school that she will pay you back slowly.
This will boost herself esteem and give her some confidence in her future.
Tony and Willy's dad has been living with us for the past 8 months. He is getting his life together and will soon move into a management postion with a local food chain. They will be getting there own place in the New Year.
Even though there Dad is here the still come to my husband and I for guidance and always ask our permission to do things.
The other day Tony won 2 hockey passes he came home very excited and he said " Uncle Wayne look what I won will you come to the game with me?"
We had to gently remind him that perhaps he should ask his Dad if he'd like to enjoy the special time with him. I feel bad for his Dad but proud that they think so much of us.
To make a long story short do for her like you would your own.
Lots of hugs kisses and most of all let her know that she belongs.
Sounds like a great teen with a rough past
glad there is someone out there to look out for her
MERRY CHRISTMAS
:kiss :kiss