Help with a first step assignment please

Nurses Recovery

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Specializes in ER.

I met with my new sponsor last night and she asked me to work on some things before we meet again next week. She wants me to make a list of ways I have been mentally powerless and physically powerless, 12 of each. I started working on this last night by just writting a list of how I have been powerless and then try to decide if that is a physical or mental thing. I am not sure if I am writting down the right things. I will probably talk to her about what I have started to see if I am on the right track but your help would be great. So how would you define being mentally powerless and physically powerless and what are some examples, in your opinion, of being each. Thanks so much.

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Specializes in ICU.

Mentally powerless.. hmm... that, to me, is knowing that I am powerless to feeling the way I do about my drug of choice. I can't help it, I feel that way about the drug.

Physically powerless,,, that, to me, is how the drug used to make me feel when I took it,, or knowing how it made me feel when I quit.. I was powerless over it.

You look at the things you are powerless over and know that your higher power will help you get through them.. and that you DO have power over some things,, Like you have power over whether you are going to make that first step to get in your car to drive down to the store and buy that bottle of wine. You may have power to stop yourself from getting into the car,, but I don't know if ,, and you only know this right now,, if you have the power to put down the bottle once it gets in your hands.

I don't know if I made any sense,, but I tried. lol

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Specializes in Impaired Nurse Advocate, CRNA, ER,.

Sassy,

Congrats on having a sponsor and choosing to accept her suggestion for a first "assignment". Tells me you're willing to take direction and actually "work" a program. One of the biggest problems health care professionals have in early recovery (some of us are worse than others...and I was one of the worst!) is refusing to take direction. HUGE step in the right direction.

Keep something in mind as you read and work through the steps...there are very few "right answers". What I mean by that is your disease and recovery have similarities to other recovering folks, but you will also have very unique problems and answers to some of the issues as they arise.

For me, mental "weaknesses" (not the best term) are the inability to focus, difficulty in following through on responsibilities, withdrawing into our own little world and isolating from the recovering community, etc. It also points to the obsessive thoughts we can have about our drug of choice (cravings). Science is discovering more and more that many of the mental "weaknesses" (lack of willpower!?) have a physical basis. The alterations in brain chemistry and brain structures cause the obsessive thoughts about our drug of choice. It's also the same reason we can't stop once we get started.

Physical weaknesses can be things we can't do. My first sponsor said to me, when I complained that should be able to drink beer because opioids were my drug of choice. I was so ****** because I couldn't drink (it can lead you back to your drug of choice). He asked me if I could high jump 7 feet. NO...DUH! How about dunk a basketball? Nope. Run 100 meters in under 10 seconds? Heck no! Then he asked, does that tick you off? No! Is it "unfair" that you can't hit a golf ball straight for over 300 yards? No! So then why is it "unfair" that you can't drink or use other mood altering substances like "normal people"? Interesting line of questions. An even more interesting way of getting me to realize this was just one more physical "weakness" among my many others. It didn't make me evil, weak, stupid, inept, morally bankrupt. I was one of the unlucky 15+ % of the population who can't drink or use drugs for fun and then stop. It's genetic! It's physical! Just like so many other things.

Hope that made sense and was of some help. If it didn't make sense...I'll try to make it more clear.

Let us know how it goes!

Jack

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Specializes in ICU.

Thats pretty good stuff Jack.

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Specializes in Impaired Nurse Advocate, CRNA, ER,.

Thanks Mag!

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Magsulfate said:

"Thats pretty good stuff Jack."

As always..gosh darnit all.............:D

Mark

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Specializes in Impaired Nurse Advocate, CRNA, ER,.

:wink2: Thanks Mark. Lot's of experience with that struggle in early recovery. Little did I realize recovery doesn't have to be as hard as we make it. It only took me around 5 years to really begin to catch on. And I'm still learning after 14 years of continuous remission (I like that word better than recovery). When we stop learning...we get in trouble. Staying "clean and sober" is like walking up a down escalator. It takes a lot of effort to make progress. When we get toward the top, stopping doesn't keep us at that level, we start coming back down toward that darn relapse.

One day at a time!

Jack

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Specializes in ER.

Wow guys, thank you so much. Like I said, I had a list going but I guess I just needed some reassurance.

Jack, I like how you said it only took you 5 years to catch on...lol. My therapist said that you get your brain back after 5 years and start using it around 7. Thanks again everyone!

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Specializes in Impaired Nurse Advocate, CRNA, ER,.
Wow guys, thank you so much. Like I said, I had a list going but I guess I just needed some reassurance.

Jack, I like how you said it only took you 5 years to catch on...lol. My therapist said that you get your brain back after 5 years and start using it around 7. Thanks again everyone!

Using it? So THAT'S been my problem! Geeeez! Using my brain....NOW they tell me! So I'm only 7 years behind. Well it'll give me something to do during those boring days. :yeah:

Jack

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