Haunted by my mistake

[Pab89]

So, I'm not entirely sure if this is the right place to talk about this, but it keeps going over in my head, and I feel the need to talk about it.

I'm an auxillary nurse (or Healthcare Support Worker) that works for the Nurse Bank. About a year ago, I was working in a ward, and was collecting in trays from the breakfast run. An elderly patient told me as I was collecting his tray that he was having chest pain (upper left). I told him I would inform his nurse.

As soon as I left his room, the thought went completely out of my head as my focus switched to collecting in the trays. After which, I returned to work on the opposite side of the ward for the washes.

Just before lunchtime, tge emergency alarm went off and the nurses and doctors rushed to the man's room as he was arresting. The shock then hit me as I remembered that he complained of chest pain not two, two and a half hours ago.

At the first available opportunity, I phoned my mum (a qualified nurse) explaining the situation. She tried to console me, saying that he was an unwell man (80 with history of heart failure, but I wasn't aware of this until after the fact), and that in the two hours, any number of people coukd have been in to see him. I returned to work, and I never told anyone on the ward, mainly because I was scared of being deemed incompetent and fired.

Since that day, that particular memory haunts me. I have learned my hard lesson from it, and always make it a priority to report chest pain immediately, but I still feel like I should have been reprimanded or punished for my negligence.

If anyone has any viewpoints to share, I'd be grateful. Thank you

[Silverdragon102, BSN]

I would say you have punished yourself enough. You learnt a lesson and have done the best to make sure it didn't happen again. The patient could have and maybe rang and spoke to someone in that 2 hours

[GrumpyRN, NP]

OK, first off let's get it out of the way; Yes, you were wrong and you should have reported it.

But, you did not kill him. I repeat, YOU DID NOT KILL HIM.

Are you saying that you were the only person to see that patient in 2 and a half hours? I doubt that, so someone else must have known about it - your mum said exactly this. And remember, patients have buzzers for a reason.

Do you know for certain that nothing had been done for that patient in between your visit and the arrest? Of course you don't. It is much more likely that the staff were aware of this and were dealing with it. Cardiac arrests happen, 80 year old people die and in hospital it is easier to put an arrest call out than to deal with the fact that it is that persons time and allow them to go peacefully. Hence DNA CPR forms.

You have beat yourself up about it for too long - time to let it go. Do you think you are the only one who has made an error? You are not the first and you won't be the last. We have ALL made errors.

It is extremely unlikely you will ever do this again.

From a grumpy old nurse reaching the end of his career; forget about it you have punished yourself enough.

[Nurse Geek]

Completely agree with the above comments - you should give yourself a break.

Perhaps in future do tell someone if you have made an omission, then it can be dealt with in whatever way. I doubt much would have happened, maybe the manager would spoken to you and have emphasised the importance of reporting chest pain immediately.

But you have now been left in limbo wondering if the outcome could have been different. Very doubtful. However, if this matter is still a burden to you, perhaps speak to a senior member of staff and that may help you move on. We are meant to be fostering a culture of openness in the NHS, following the failings at Mid Staffs - where it was discouraged to be open and speak about problems.

You are only human, we have all regrets about ways we could have acted differently. You have however I think learnt a couple of lessons. One report immediately, two, do not hold things inside so long to fester and eat away at you. H

[stevemac]

I've made some mistakes also. Consequences have varied from correction to termination.

There's a difference between taking correction to continually riding yourself.

Take correction like a professional, admit the mistake that you made, determine how to correct it so that it doesn't happen again, and move on. Your post reads like you've pretty much done those things, but rather than moving on you're continuing to beat yourself.

Your supervisor provided the correction when you finally told her, and determined that that was the extent of the consequence you needed at that time. Now move on. Not only will you be happier than you are right now, but your patient care will improve because you won't be carrying some unnecessary guilt into each encounter.