Good Lord, Now what!??

[Nola504]

I seem to post about all the negative things that happen to me at work. I helps to get feedback and support from my fellow nurses all over the place so....here's my current issue.

1. Pt fell and broke her hip (see previous post first time fall) ok.....

2. Pt wanted to be a DNR and had no code status on file. I called the doctor he told me to place the order. I spoke with my charge RN she told me that I did not have the authority to place a dnr order. Spoke with day shift and md for 2 nights and the code still was not placed. Pt coded on day shift! Great! Manager told me that because I didn't follow protocol/policy this was being handled as a sentinel event. I was called into a meeting...

3. I get frequent RLs written by my coworkers/managers. Not documenting a BM or a CHG bath although these are things my tech can handle and I speak to them about it. I was told that as a nurse I am just as responsible as the tech and it is my responsibility to check their work

4. Pt with an insulin pump came back from surgery without insulin pump. Had sliding scale order. Order was d/c. Asked pt to put her pump back on. Pt lethargic. Decided to check blood sugar it was high. Told pt she needed to bolus herself. Labs were being drawn at the time came back ass 700. 200 points over what the glucometer read. Agap 15...ok...dka then. Called md she went to icu pt complained that she would not pay for icu bill because it was my fault that I did not tell her to place her pump immediately after surgery. I'll take my blame for the things that occurred. I know that this is in part my fault. I asked questions but none of The other RN has any experience with pumps. I went through orders...saw one posted from when she was admitted that said pt uses own insulin pump. I took that as an order.

Long ass story short I'm in big trouble for all these things and have to go to a meeting about it when I get off work in the morning. My manager called me at home and told me I was "sloppy" And "sorry but there is no better word for it than that" but all my "sloppiness needed to be straightened out" as she was "concerned about all the issues I am having"

good lord. Every single day there is something. I can't eat, sleep or work because I'm in such a state of anxiety I'm afraid to go to work, afraid to look in my email, afraid to answer the phone or check my text messages. I am not perfect. In nursing that is the one thing they strive for you to be and honestly I am NOT there! I do my best to improve. Anytime I get an email I correct my actions s and don't make the mistake again. But...it's not enough. Sigh. I'm thinking that maybe it's me and that maybe nursing is not where I need to be. I've never been called sloppy or a bad nurse. So it hurt me personally because I take pride in my work and do my best to care for the pts that I have but I miss things, I forget things I make mistakes. I'm praying for an opportunity to learn from all mistakes and when they happen I always tell other nurses what occurred so they can learn from my mistakes ands not have to go through what I have. Nursing is so hard when you're human. I guess I need words of support and honesty. Like I said I take blame for my part in my actions or lack there of but the person that I am is constantly trying...but it doesn't seem like enough.

[AceOfHearts<3]

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. I know venting can make you feel better, but your post contains A LOT of specific, identifying facts. If your manager or somebody else at work reads this there will be no question about your indentity. I would reconsider all the info you've posted- you can ask the moderators to modify the post and remove the specifics.

Good luck with everything!

[Nola504]

Thank you. I appreciate that very much.