Nola504

Lol! If I knew how to get free tickets. I would certainly share that info! I'm looking for another job as fast as I can. Wish me luck!

Nolagirl504 here! greetings fellow nurses and nurses to be. sigh! Anyone out there feel like no matter where they work, they don't fit in? I tend to keep to myself. I am polite and helpful and always speak to everyone but on a professional level. Personally there are very few people that I deal with at work. There's a lot of politics and back stabbing and favoritism on the unit. Nothing new! They're are even some staff that have been known to take pics of others and send it to management as proof. Now this is something new! I feel like I can't trust my coworkers. That's why I learned early to not get involved! I do my best to keep out of trouble...seems like I'm in trouble a lot anyways. We are micro managed very closely. I've gotten in trouble for things like not documenting a BM (this only happened once in 8 months) and for not documenting a CHG bath (which happened a few times because management couldn't decide if it should be documented before or after midnight. So I just started doing it before and after midnight). I've gotten in trouble for much worse offenses like a pt fall (saw the pt, asked if she needed to use restroom, walked out of room, forgot to check bed alarm, started walking back to room and pt called using the calllight I gave her to tell me she fell. (Sigh), a pt DNR status (pt wanted to be dnr, told MD and dayshift 3 nights straight and no one changed the code status and pt coded and was resuscitated. I was told by my charge that nurses could not place dnr status which is why I kept notifying the MD and the day nurse. I still got in trouble because I was part of the treatment team). Once because a pt was supposed to be in care of her own insulin pump and she ended up going into dka, even though she signed a form stating she would be in charge of it...I got in trouble because I was part of the treatment team. Pt felt like she should not have to pay her icu bill and blamed me for going into dka. I'm getting to the point where for me nursing has become emotionally, physically and psychologically damaging. I'm stressed out constantly and I'm paranoid that I'll make a mistake and that I'll be in trouble. I'm always checking, double checking myself....and then I go back trying to make sure I double checked myself. I'm having trouble eating and sleeping. I'm looking for another job at this point. I've been accepted into my masters program that starts in August this year. I don't know how I'm going to manage being a grad student and making a living too. This also is a source of anxiety. I've had a interview at the end of last week and waiting to hear back from them. It feels like every where I go I have some serious issues! I know everywhere is always going to be something. I just want to be somewhere that I can do my job and depend on my coworkers just like they know they can depend on me. I know for a fact I'm being watched. I put something in my care plan notes and then a week later I got a text from one of the people I can trust that something came back on one of the day shift RNs. I know it was from my notes. FYI...the notation stated that I completed an over due order for a MRSA collection. It had been there for days. Sitting. But it wasn't until I wrote that I had completed it that something was said about it. My manager once called me at home to tell me I was a "sloppy nurse" broke my heart. I've never been spoken to that way. I've never been called sloppy or a bad nurse or a lazy nurse. At least twice a month I get an email from a nurse or tech or pt or family member thanking me for all i do. I always try to make sure to help out my team. Whether it's a nurse, tech, charge, doctor or the cleaning staff. I don't know what I can do to get this target off my back. Maybe nothing. Maybe it's just time to move on to another job....but I've been thinking maybe it's time to leave nursing all together. Graduation is two whole years away...what do I do in the meantime? Sigh. Any thoughts? thanks!

Thank you. I appreciate that very much.

I seem to post about all the negative things that happen to me at work. I helps to get feedback and support from my fellow nurses all over the place so....here's my current issue. 1. Pt fell and broke her hip (see previous post first time fall) ok..... 2. Pt wanted to be a DNR and had no code status on file. I called the doctor he told me to place the order. I spoke with my charge RN she told me that I did not have the authority to place a dnr order. Spoke with day shift and md for 2 nights and the code still was not placed. Pt coded on day shift! Great! Manager told me that because I didn't follow protocol/policy this was being handled as a sentinel event. I was called into a meeting... 3. I get frequent RLs written by my coworkers/managers. Not documenting a BM or a CHG bath although these are things my tech can handle and I speak to them about it. I was told that as a nurse I am just as responsible as the tech and it is my responsibility to check their work 4. Pt with an insulin pump came back from surgery without insulin pump. Had sliding scale order. Order was d/c. Asked pt to put her pump back on. Pt lethargic. Decided to check blood sugar it was high. Told pt she needed to bolus herself. Labs were being drawn at the time came back ass 700. 200 points over what the glucometer read. Agap 15...ok...dka then. Called md she went to icu pt complained that she would not pay for icu bill because it was my fault that I did not tell her to place her pump immediately after surgery. I'll take my blame for the things that occurred. I know that this is in part my fault. I asked questions but none of The other RN has any experience with pumps. I went through orders...saw one posted from when she was admitted that said pt uses own insulin pump. I took that as an order. Long ass story short I'm in big trouble for all these things and have to go to a meeting about it when I get off work in the morning. My manager called me at home and told me I was "sloppy" And "sorry but there is no better word for it than that" but all my "sloppiness needed to be straightened out" as she was "concerned about all the issues I am having" good lord. Every single day there is something. I can't eat, sleep or work because I'm in such a state of anxiety I'm afraid to go to work, afraid to look in my email, afraid to answer the phone or check my text messages. I am not perfect. In nursing that is the one thing they strive for you to be and honestly I am NOT there! I do my best to improve. Anytime I get an email I correct my actions s and don't make the mistake again. But...it's not enough. Sigh. I'm thinking that maybe it's me and that maybe nursing is not where I need to be. I've never been called sloppy or a bad nurse. So it hurt me personally because I take pride in my work and do my best to care for the pts that I have but I miss things, I forget things I make mistakes. I'm praying for an opportunity to learn from all mistakes and when they happen I always tell other nurses what occurred so they can learn from my mistakes ands not have to go through what I have. Nursing is so hard when you're human. I guess I need words of support and honesty. Like I said I take blame for my part in my actions or lack there of but the person that I am is constantly trying...but it doesn't seem like enough.

Nursecard, Tell me about it... the smallest thing and they jump all over you. I am currently looking for a new position elsewhere. Surely everywhere isn't like this!

My Monday meeting has come and gone. It went surprisingly well. The risk manager was a fellow RN and I think that helped that she was able to understand my position and what it was like to work on the floor. She made it known upfront that the meeting was informal and that it was not meant to make anyone feel bad or to place blame or point fingers. I explained and answered all the questions presented to me. After all was said and done she told me that it was obvious that this fall would have happened no matter what we would have done. She asked for my opinion on what we could do to help to decrease the number of falls. She thanked me and just like that...it was over. I felt much better after the meeting than I did before. I still think that this institution is not the one for me. The constant emails and threats for the most mundane of infractions gives me anxiety and I have enough tot worry about to include these other things on my list. Thank you all for your words of wisdom, your strength and most of all your support! You'll never know how much you helped!!!! With greatest of Thanks!!!! Nola

JKL33 I took no offense to anything you said. I am taking everything you said as a means for preparing myself for Monday's meeting. I thank you for reminding me that I try my best to do what is right and I need to remember that I have to stand up for myself because no one else will. I'm an advocate for others every shift. Something I'm going to have to do for myself now. I'll stick to the facts as they are. I'll listen to what they say and take into account what I can learn from all of this. I will be pleasant. I will do my very best to be strong. I'll try to remember that it's not necessary to set myself on fire just to keep others warm. I'll see this through and let you know how it goes. But I am already looking for another position elsewhere. The way things have been handled since I started...94 days ago have been a continuous snowball headed downhill. I know this is not the place for me. I'm very lucky to have a supportive husband, amazing friends and all of you here at all nurses! Thank you for taking time out of your life to reach out and touch mine! With the utmost respect and greatest thanks! Nola

Rain Mom, Thankyou for sharing your experience with me! I appreciate your support and your words of wisdom and kindness. I know that patient would have fallen eventually. I know that despite what I did all that I had done. The situation wouldn't have necessarily been any different. However, management does not see it this way. For some reason they think by putting a fall band on and using a particular color gown, yellow in this case, and having a bed alarm, this would have changed the outcome. I'm trying to get myself together to try to get ready for what I know is coming. My husband, my friends (all nurses) are very supportive of me. I'll go to my meeting. State the facts and let it be what it is. I don't think I will necessarily be fired but I know that I've already been branded. I'm the one whose patient fell and broke her hip because I didn't check the bed alarm. It is what it is. A learning experience for sure. I'm hoping this makes me stronger, better and a support for a future coworker. Because as all nurses know...and even though managers pretend they don't.... falls happen, despite our best efforts. Again thank you!

JKL33 I know you are right. It just happened last night so my nerves are very jittery right now. When the day shift RN said that the patient had been calling all day to go to the bathroom but she had not called in awhile my first thought was she was going to have to go so I should go check on her. When she said she was ok I gave her the call light and told her to call when she needed anything because I knew she would be calling soon. She still had the call light in her hand when I found her on the floor. Which is why I knew she was on the floor....she called me. Sigh. When I spoke to the family they told me that they understood and that she was very headstrong and kept trying to do things on her own even though she knew she shouldn't as she has fallen numerous times and hurt herself the latest was the beginning of the year when she broke her pelvis. I was trying to be proactive. I was ok it was management that made me feel awful. My manager said that because policy was not followed by giving bedside report and checking the bed alarm I broke protocol and a patient was seriously injured because of it. I know all the blame is not on me. It is hard to forgive oneself when something tragic happens and u think of all the things u could have done differently after the fact. It's hard not to be shaken after the first time especially when the higher ups are sitting on top of you so hard. I often feel like I cannot do anything right at this place. My husband thinks I should leave and go elsewhere. Maybe he is right. My ultimate goal is to get out of nursing maybe find a new career path or shift my nursing career elsewhere. I have already started applying to my masters in forensic science program. I think floor nursing is just wearing me out. Thank you for your clarifying words and your honesty. I have already taken them into account. With great thanks, Nola

I've been a nurse for 3 years. I've never had a patient fall before. At shift change I got a quick update from the day shift nurse, he needed to go drop his labs off at the front, I told him to go. I would go check on the patient. I'd see him in a minute. I went to see the patient, asked if she needed anything, if she had to use the bathroom. She said no. I told her I would be right back. I went across the hall to introduce myself to the next patient. Told them I had not received report but that I would be back. Just wanted to say hello. I turned to leave and go back into the previous room and the patient hit her call button. I told her I was walking back that way, did she need to use the bathroom? She said she tried to go and she fell and that she needed help. PANIC. I ran in. She was on the floor and I reached down and picked her up. Pandemonium!!!! Long story short..she broke her hip. I assumed responsibility for the patient. I was the last one in the room. It was my fault. I feel horrible. I feel bad for that patient. I feel bad for myself. I had 5 patients. High acuity level on 3 different hallways. I always try to do things efficiently to get things started and taken care of because I know that I have a certain amount of time to get things done. I made mistakes and it was my fault she hurt herself. I should have just waited in the room to get report or found someone else who was ready to give me report. I should have checked the bed alarm. I didn't do those things and now my patient it hurt because of them. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I'm teary. This just happened so it's all still fresh. I don't know what is going to happen to me. I don't know what is going to happen to my poor patient. I should have said to the day shift nurse we need to give official report in the room. I should have persuaded her to use the bathroom when I was in there. I should have checked the bed alarm. Should have. Would have. Could have. I already had a conversation with my manager. I work nights and was sitting by the phone all morning because I knew she was going to call. I have to go to a meeting on Monday with the risk manager. This is a bit of a nightmare. I feel sick. How could I have been so careless! Rules are in place for a reason. I got an email saying 3 weeks ago I didn't document a bowel movement on a patient. One time. One patient. In 3 months. And I get an email stating what is expected of me and that I did not fulfill that obligation and that further incidences will have consequences. For not documenting a bowel movement. I can't even begin to think of what is going to happen that a patient under my care fell and broke a hip.

Hugs love bug! You sound a lot like me! I absolutely abhor nursing. I've changed specialties, hospitals...the whole nine. I get cards from patients and family members and my managers saying how the patients love me. But I couldn't care less. I can't even remember them most of the time. I've decided to go back to school and find a different career path. I feel so sad or just plain angry and when I'm home I sleep! Constantly!! It sounds like perhaps nursing...especially floor nursing is not for you! Don't throw it away...use it to propel you toward something else. U seem to love the elderly. Perhaps u can find something working with them. I do not suggest u do nursing homes. It will make u crazy and u might run screaming from the facilities! U wouldn't be able to care for them like u would want to with one nurse and 2 or 3 aids for the whole unit. I'm praying for you! I hope you find something that fulfills you and makes you content to the point you think. Yes. I can do this every day and be happy!! Best of luck!!! Your fellow nurse (for now!) xoxoxo -504

Hi, I have been working in ICU for 7 weeks. My first 5 weeks was spent at facility being "trained" by a preceptor on ICU nursing. I say "trained" because most of the patients were floor status and we got them as overflow patients. 5 weeks later I was sent to my main facility and began to work there. I was given one shift orientation during the day ( I am a night shifter) by a nurse who is a great nurse but is a self admitted "terrible teacher". She was, I didn't learn anything because she would just do things without showing me and then just say oh, I probably should have showed you that. She was very scattered, meaning there was organization and it she was difficult to follow (she later told me because she had ADHD and had not taken her medication in a few days). When I came in the next night I had a patient who's blood pressure was bottoming out and needed an art-line placed....Ive never had a patient with an art line, I was unaware of how to put the art line on the monitoring system, exactly what equipment was needed and how to set it all up (I remember a few things from nursing school but I don't remember everything in detail ;/). The more experienced nurses helped me but they were very nasty about it and they made ugly comments to me in front of the doctor, and patient's family, I felt like a fool and so embarrassed! I just jumped in with both feet and did as instructed and wrote everything down afterwards so I would have a guide in case it happened again. I had lots of questions but one of the nurses put her hand up and said "I already helped as much as I'm going to already, so I'm done with that, I have my own patients to deal with." I always keep reference books with me so I spent most of the night reading, and texting my old preceptor for help. It was a hectic night and the house supervisor simply wasn't available and I already felt I could not go to the other nurses for help. Eventually when the next supervisor came on to duty I told him that I wanted a preceptor. I felt I was being put with patients that I had no experience with and that I felt like I was being put in situations that could turn out to be VERY bad and I didn't feel like I had any real support. I was afraid that I would do something that would jeopardize my license and that I needed help...NOW! He said he understood and that he would work hard at getting a preceptor for me....fast forward to next week. I got a brand new vent patient (teach placed 24 hours prior)...I just told ya'll I don't have any experience with vent patients!! At the same time we had one admit, 2 discharges, and frazzled day shift nurses. I jumped in and helped where I could. I assisted with discharge, talked to the family of the transferring patient, got paperwork ready and gave report to transport team and got report from day shift for the new vent patient. At 2230 I went in to give the new vent patient a bath, a shave got him all cleaned up after a very large BM and he desated and crashed. We got him back. I called family, The tech called the doctor and handed me the phone....the doctor had no idea that the patient had been admitted at 1430...I came in at 1830 it was 2300 when I called him...he was NOT happy! The paperwork was not done completely, the transfer chart was all over the place, and I had to scramble..and I was all over the place. I had just come out of code...my first one and I was scared, shaky and off balance so when the doctor started asking questions I was scrambling for an answer ( I felt so stupid and again embarrassed). It didn't help the monitor tech laughed at me and told me that it was obvious I was new I looked scared and was shaking. I got very angry and told her I didn't find anything about what happened to be funny..at all! He was a vent patient but respiratory didn't place him on a vent, he was on a trach collar, pulmonary hadn't been called, the primary hadn't been called, the paperwork was only half done, they put 2 new unexperienced nurses on the unit by ourselves, the other new nurse was from India and had a language barrier so that also added to the problem and.... in the end I got written up for giving a vent patient a bath (but at this time he was not on the vent) by myself. I was told that it was policy to have 2 people in the room to turn and bathe u have a vent patient...he probably had a mucus plug and desated when I was cleaning him. I again spoke to my supervisor about a preceptor, about taking any critical care classes they offered and to please not place me with another inexperienced nurse by myself in ICU. I signed the write up, I spent the rest of the night on the phone talking to the house doctor about his unusable blood pressure, my suspicion that he was septic, putting in new order for antibiotics, asking the house doc for pressers in case it became necessary since in the chart I read that he had been on them in the previous facility, I finished all my lab work for my patient, I cleaned his room and made sure he was comfortable, I finished the chart, I gave report to the oncoming shift. I clocked out....I sat in my car and I balled my eyes out. I drove home and took a shower....and I balled my eyes out....I laid down and stared at the wall for a long time, passed out, woke up crying...opened up the all nurses.com tab and as I'm writing this...I'm balling my eyes out. I feel defeated an stupid and I am wondering if I am in the wrong field. I don't know if I'll make it as an ICU nurse, maybe I won't make it as a nurse at all. I feel horrible and inept. I don't want to go back to work anymore, I can't eat and I replay all the wrong things I did in my head over and over again. How could I have not called for help to turn a new vent patient?? that's basic stuff isn't it?? if i can't do basic things...how can I think I can handle ICU? I made a mistake and it could have cost someone their life.