Get Over Here & Clean My Screen!!

[Maggie in NC]

We need some more LAUGHS around here!

Please post funny things that you've read on the net that made you laugh so hard you thought you'd spew coke on the computer screen!

Mine:

I recently read about a nurse practioner that had finished her last patient's exam (A male patient with an STD). She went to lunch with her friends and began discussing his condition. The waiter walked up to get their drink order and she meant to order a "coke" but asked for a "co*k".:roll I'd pay to see that waiters face.......

[sunnyjohn]

Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby's to

work at McDonald's.

Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to

do.

Baloney \buh-lo'-nee\: Where some hemlines fall.

Bernadette \burn'-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage.

Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with.

Control \kon-trol'\: A short, ugly inmate.

Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers\: Workers who put together

kitchen cabinets.

Eclipse \i-klips'\: what an English barber does for a

living.

Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\: a clumsy ophthalmologist.

Heroes \hee'-rhos\: what a guy in a boat does.

Left Bank \left' bangk'\: what the robber did when his bag

was full of loot.

Misty \mis'-tee\: How some golfers create divots.

Paradox \par'-uh-doks\: two physicians.

Parasites \par'-uh-sites\: what you see from the top of the

Eiffel Tower.

Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist\: a helper on the farm.

Polarize \po'-lur-ize\: what penguins see with.

Primate \pri'-mat\: removing your spouse from in front of

the TV.

Relief \ree-leef'\: what trees do in the spring.

Rubberneck \rub'-er-nek\: what you do to relax your wife.

Seamstress \seem'-stres\: describes 250 pounds in a size

six.

Selfish \sel'-fish\: what the owner of a seafood store does.

Subdued \sub-dood'\: like, a guy, like, works on one of

those, like, submarines, man.

Sudafed \sood'-a-fed\: bringing litigation against a

government.