Vent session..any advice?

Nurses General Nursing

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Ok, so I am a home health aide and have been with the same client for over 6 months. The client is an especially difficult one at times but very sweet also. I am with her most often but there is one day that someone else from my company comes and in the past month or so, over 5 different people have tried but none are sticking with it. I stick with it because I empathize and genuinely care about the client and enjoy a challenge.

That being said, home care is also very BORING! I enjoy my job even though the client is very difficult at times but it is very slow paced and I would rather work in a fast paced setting. But, this job has flexible hours which work well with me since I am a student. I plan on quitting when school starts in August to concentrate more on school, but recently I have been feeling miserable about my job and I don't know how much longer I can take it! I know that I will most likely stick with it, it is just a few more months, but if anyone has any advice that would make the last couple of months more enjoyable, PLEASE share. Here are some issues bothering me:

First, the daughter that my client lives with just might possibly be the most irritating person I have ever met. She wants her mom to stay with her but does not want to care for her. She does not spend time with her mom and just has us there so she can work and go out with her husband(they are an older couple). This service is free for her via insurance but she milks it for everything plus some. She acts like she is "stuggling to survive" but truth be told they are well off living in a fancy neighborhood, in a almost million dollar house.

She is also very manipulative. On more than one occasion she has tried to bribe me with gifts to work for her outside of my company so she and her husband can go on yet another vacation(about 7 vacations in the past 6 months). Then, she says she cannot afford my company(the same week, she bought a brand new Mercedes Benz) When I tell her it is against my company policy she gives me a guilt trip.

Her mother has late stage alzheimers and talks a lot and has a lot of hallucinations. The daughter has told me that I need to tell her to shut up or else she will make it a habit.. A HABIT?? She has ALZHEIMERS for godsake..I told her that I do say shhhhhh but it doesnt help..5 seconds later she will be doing it again..

For my sanity, I let her go unless it is really bad or else I'd be sshhhhhhing her ALL DAY, with no progress, which seems pointless to me, it is not like she can help it.

Recently, the daughter said that her mother is getting LAZY to walk..are you kidding me???I could not hold it in any longer, I told her it is not that she is lazy and that the way that she walks is common with dementia patients and that she has a very bad disease, some days are better than others, she cannot help it. That shut her up.

They are constantly rushing my client, going to the commode or whatever. She uses a walker and when we are walking I go very slow for her. But when the daughter is there, she pushes her moms butt and back and tells me to pull, pull, pull (the walker). Last week, her mom fell to her knees because she was being pushed from behind. I was so ****** but I don't know what to say. I am in their house and don't want to be rude and tell them not to do something but I am also responsible for the safety of her mom, weird situation.

Then, she thinks I am her personal housekeeper and assistant, suggesting I iron her and her husbands clothes..HA..yeah right..

Everyday that I come in, the sinks have dishes in and the dish rack is piled high, I cant stand to look at that all day, so I wash and put them away, even though I should be washing and putting away her mothers dishes not the entire family. I do not use the dishwasher but they do and when it has been washed, she tells me, "oh, these are clean, I just washed them" and tells me to put them away. I have never said no I just don't do it. It is not that I am lazy it is just the principle of the matter, to have the nerve to ask me that, they are not her mothers dishes and I am there for their mother not for their personal use!

Recently, she asked me to work a day which I go to school and she knows that and when I said no, she gave me a huge guilt trip. I was sooo mad. I told her sorry but I am not going to sacrifice my grades.She shut up.

I know this is pretty long but the list could go on and on. And yes, these are issues I have with the family not my client necessarily, but in home care, the family is also important to get along with especially when you are in their home. I just feel like instead of being grateful for me and how well I take care of her mom, she is constantly trying to take advantage of me. It is not like I get any recognition or appreciation from her mother which she cannot help because of her disease, which I realize and am cool with, but then to deal with this family who is not appreciative either and has no disease as their excuse, only selfishness and ignorance..I do it for the rare smile and thank you from my client..who by the way doesnt speak english and I have learned their language..

I am so fed up with this lady that I am unsure what will come out of my mouth next, and try with every ounce of me to keep my mouth shut before I get myself into trouble.

Any insight or advice is greatly appreciated..thank you!

Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

Your post sums up in a nutshell how awful one on one home nursing can be. I did a couple of cases years ago, in between jobs. It was awful, particularly one case that had some similarities to the above described one.

As you say, you are on their turf which basically puts you totally under their thumb. You are working for a for profit agency, I would guess. They, most likely, will do everything in their power to avoid confronting a paying customer. You are in the home of a controlling, neurotic woman, and there's very little you can probably do about the whole situation.

As you say, you are on their turf which basically puts you totally under their thumb. You are working for a for profit agency, I would guess. They, most likely, will do everything in their power to avoid confronting a paying customer. You are in the home of a controlling, neurotic woman, and there's very little you can probably do about the whole situation.

Except leave the case. Does your agency know you are quitting in August? If they do, they might not work very hard at giving you a replacement client. So you will probably just have to do the best you can and count the days until August. Hang in there.

Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.
Except leave the case. Does your agency know you are quitting in August? If they do, they might not work very hard at giving you a replacement client. So you will probably just have to do the best you can and count the days until August. Hang in there.

Which is exactly what I did. It's called voting with your feet.

thanks for the input guys..my agency doesn't know yet..I am waiting a bit before they tell the clients daughter and she has a nervous breakdown..lol..but yeah, I will most likely tough it out until I leave, but I plan on addressing the issues of the patients safety and my responsibilities when they come up, although the client will not like that at all and it may be an uncomfortable situation. I did it for 6 months, what's 2 more, atleast that is what I will tell myself:icon_roll Until then, I will be counting the days!!

and you hit it on the nose..control freak and neurotic!!

Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

You should have seen the parents of the quadriplegic man I cared for. And the family was just about as dysfunctional as can be. I wouldn't be surprised if the Mom wasn't praying the rosary on her many smoke breaks, she was constantly going out for a cigarette and she was very religious, into every offbeat Catholic apparition there was, anything but her local priest and parish, they were all against her according to her.

With her, every day was 'train the nurse day', as she went over positioning, touted her knowledge, and basically acted as if the nurse was her student. The woman was an RN but had only ever worked on a very part time basis as a school nurse. Even in nursing school she had actually reported on one of the nuns to the board of nursing or something like that.

Her thing was to badger her son, who was in his 30s and had been severely brain-damaged in the one car accident. He was totally contracted and non-verbal. She would want to get him up with the hoyer and bark out commands to him to uncurl his hands, hold up his head, she just wouldn't let up on him. He couldn't even track with his eyes, and he had an implanted baclofen pump but he was totally contracted nonetheless.

I also had to hear about how all her other children weren't talking to her. One daughter was a lesbian and they had told her to never come back. She spent much of her day on the phone, bullying medical supply company and other people involved with his care.

I was only going in once or twice a week, but the nurse who was full time on the case was just about going bananas. We ended up becoming friends and comparing notes on this nutty woman. She went to the staffing company but they were not interested in doing anything other than placating this woman. I finally just quit along with everyone else on the case.

oh my goodness..craziness!!! Why are people like this? The world may never know..the daughter of my client has actually been dropped from a couple of agencies so I've heard. She was with this agency and they dropped her so get this...she talked the caregiver from that company to quit that company, which paid $2 more than mine, and then she talked to my company and got them to hire her so that she could still use her as her caregiver..she lasted only a month and then I took over..Crazy yeah..I think this lady would make a killing selling cars or Avon:lol2:

thanks for all your input and stories guys, and keep 'em coming. I feel better now and it's good to know that people understand where I am coming from.Thanks a lot!!

Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

When I left this case that I've described, I wrote a letter to the parents with suggestions for them to consider, such as ways to be more respectful and considerate of their son and his human dignity. I gave it a lot of thought. I strategically hid several copies of it for them to find later. These people, in their own way, did care, but had huge control issues.

I've since run into the mother of the patient, and I also cared for him in the local hospital. She is very warm and appreciative of me. Her son has since passed away. I do think she cared for her son. He was impeccably cared for on many levels, even if she drove everyone crazy in the process.

I think your case has similarities to mine..I know that she cares but yeah, her controlling ways and treatment of the home health aides have already driven some away and will probably continue to do so. Writing a letter is a good idea, I feel like they need to be told like how you told your clients mother, but with me still there, it would be way too weird, maybe I will do what you did when it is time to leave. And perhaps she is going through distress and denial about her mom's illness, maybe I could refer her to some support groups that may help.

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