My son went to another house to play from about 8:30 to 1:30. When he arrived home, I asked him about his day there. He said he had a good time, ate popcorn, played barbies, and played in the secret hideout under the bed, etc.
He also told me that he played the 'sux (ph) game' when the two boys were palying in the bed, and that this game involves hugging and kissing. I asked him if he kissed the boy and he said no, but the boy kissed him. I asked him "Where did the boy kiss you?", and he said "Here." (pointintog on the R cheek). He also said the boy tried to/did pull his pants down. His quote was that "We were playing in the bed and when it was morning, I could pull my pants back up."
My son seems much less concerned about this game than I am.
My question is what, if anything, to do. I think I am required by my license to do something, but I'm not sure what. I'm sure I need to talk to the other boy's mom, but how in the world do you bring this up? Certainly, my son will not be going there to play again, although the other boy will be welcome here. Who should I talk to? My daughter goes to school. Should I talk to the school nurse or counselor.
Two more points- my son played a 'show me your underwear' game with a little girl last year. The girl instigated it (according to the girl). The other mom was there and we both found the kids at the same time and everything was resolved normally. I felt that this was pretty normal thing.
Lastly, I have heard that this same boy played a similar game with another little boy while visiting at this third boy's house. The mom said her son came downstairs and didn't want to play with the boy anymore. She questioned her son, found out that the boy had wanted to kiss, and told them that they couldn't play that game. She did not say anything to the boys' mother thinking that it didn't seem too abnormal at the time.
Please give me some advice. I don't want to overreact.
Apr 10, '03
seems to me to be normal curiosity... why are you upset that a little boy wanted to do this, but not upset that a little girl did?
why do you feel you are required by your license to do something?
I would definately talk to the other mom though....
Apr 10, '03
This other little boy did not try to kiss or touch him in any other place other than a kiss on his cheek, did he? If he only tried to kiss him on the cheek, I see no problem with that, but I would talk to his mother about the "sux" game. I also agree with you about not letting him go to the other boy's house to play again. I never played that type of game when I was small and playing with other children and no other children tried to play that type of game with me or my brothers. My neice and nephews never did either and I can answer that accurately because I am that close to my SILs. That would be something to be glad to be aware of.
Apr 10, '03
I played "doctor" as a child. I think I was probably 6 or 8. I can't remember now. I remember thinking it was probably something I shouldn't be doing.
I think you should definitely talk to his mom. I don't know much about child psychology, but couldn't that be a sign of abuse or past abuse??? If not, then it's just curiosity, but I think his mom needs to tell him that it's not appropriate. I'm talking about trying to pull down your sons pants and the "sux" game. I don't see anything wrong with a kiss on the cheek.
Apr 10, '03
I just wouldn't make a big thing out of it. I certainly would not make a big thing of it to your son. I would speak to the other Mom but wouldn't show to much over concern maybe even be very light hearted about it. Nothing serious has happened. Just teach your son what should be right for him. There is not anything wrong with human touch is what I would tell him but some things like taking you pants off is not appropriate. He must of been a little worried about it that is why he confided in you. Listen to him be sure what you are hearing. Don't ignore what he tells you some day it may be the real thing. I know my daughter came to me when she was about 3yrs. old and told me about her Uncle putting her pj's on and touching her down there. I had to handle to situation caustiously for I had a very aggressive husband and did not want my daughter's mind left with a vivid impression that harm was done to her. I immediatly kept her from returning to that home ever again. Talked with my sister for this was her husband and she had a daughter about the same age. To this day my daughter is very vague about the incident and has no scaring for I kept it very hush hush. Don't need to make a mountain out of a mole when you can save small children from remembering very much from a small incident. Good luck! Kathy
Apr 10, '03
I don't have kids, but I am the oldest of six kids. It does seem to be just normal kid behavior and curiosity. I remember one time my brother (5 at the time) did something similiar with a girl. They got caught in the act and were both so upset that thought they had sex...lol. I wouldnt make a big deal otu of. I would just talk to the other parent, and possibly give him a little talk ... but no punishment. I wouldn;t make a huge ordeal bc you dont want him to be traumatized from it. They were just curious.
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