Take this job and shove it, I ain't working here no more!

[Blue Roses]

"...I'm a young new nurse about a year out of nursing school and I haven been on the ob for about 10 months. During the past 4 months or so I have had increasing anxiety to the point of being physically sick and having to call off work, and now I only have one more absence left until they fire me.

My boss is very strict and unsympathetic. If you try to talk to her she says things like "well sometimes life just isnt fair." instead of trying to help you. She holds grudges and has favorites and least favorites, and if you are the latter you know it and feel it in the way she treats you.

About 2 months ago I had two patients pass away on me in a two week period, and since then I have been a complete and total mess. I have been getting dizzy and passing out both at work and at home, I constantly feel like something terrible is about to happen, and I have a constant underlying current of fear and anxiety in my mind and heart. It doesn't help that we have been consistently understaffed and overworked the past several months (I work on a med surg floor in a huge city hospital). Every night I go in I'm terrified of what I might face when I get there. I cry all the time. I can't sleep, I don't eat because I feel nauseated most of the time. I'm also facing stress outside of work, conflict within my family and trying to plan and pay for my wedding coming up in May mostly by myself.

...It came to a head last night when my fiance woke up to me sobbing my eyes out because I stay awake all night to make sure he's still breathing. I have been in denial, I know I have a history of depression and self-mutilation as a teenager, although I was never diagnosed with anything. But now I feel like a train speeding at 100 mph towards a solid concrete wall.

I have appointments this week to see both my PCP and a free counselor service provided through my work... I am going to try and talk to my boss, but I don't see her doing much to help me. I have tried yoga, exercise, meditating, hobbies, etc etc and I still feel this way. It's like I'm trapped inside myself and inside this job that I am so afraid of. I have also applied for several other nursing jobs in the community, but that was just recently and I haven't heard back from any of them yet.

...I can't talk to anyone at work because it will come across as complaining and if my boss gets wind of it we get written up or fired. I am pretty desperate at this point. I barely have the motivation to get out of bed anymore. Normally I'm a generally happy person. I want to feel happy again."

That was me three weeks ago. Since then, I have sought help in counseling, have started medication through my doctor, applied for several jobs, and have gotten a few job offers. TODAY, I accepted a job offer at an inpatient rehab center at another hospital in my area, where the nurse manager is amazingly kind and the patient's aren't as acute.

Also, I called in to work today and resigned without giving notice. Part of me feels guilty, but another part of me knows it was justified. The job was killing me, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I have plans now to write to my state's Senators and Congressmen regarding having a minimum patient nurse ration implemented statewide.

I have drafted letters to both the nursing administration office of my old job and to the hospital's CEO outlining my story. I hope that through telling my story I might be able to help improve conditions for those fellow nurses I leave behind whom I have come to love and care deeply about.

Don't ever let anyone tell you you are trapped in a job that is hurting you. You cannot take care of your patient's without taking care of yourself.

For the first time in months, I feel hopeful.

[daverika]

You did the right thing.

[traceybeck1955]

I also was in a work environment that was not conducive to good health. I worked in a small, rural, desert community as a home health nurse. I started at the clinic as the nursing supervisor, but was slowly pushed out by the clinic manager. I thought working with the other home health nurse would be a huge difference. Boy, was I wrong!! The last straw was when she got mad at me for working 25 straight days while she was away when her mother passed away. She told me that I was exhausted because I basically did too much. Actually, what I did was everything she didn't do. This person is at least 4 years behind in billing alone. And let's not go into her charting, or lack there of. She never got to work before noon and patients were upset when she would show up at 9 pm to see them. While she was sternly talking to me (I am being very nice), I got up and walked out. I went up the chain of command, knowing full well that nothing would be done as everyone thinks this person walks on water. She treated me with kids gloves for 3 weeks, probably in fear that I would quit and she would have to actually work. Well, after those 3 weeks, I left on a 6 week honeymoon and as someone said....they haven't seen me since. The second day of our trip, my husband looked at me and said...."You are not going back to work". I sent my letter of resignation that night via email (had it ready for quite a while, was ready to quit anytime). I heard through the grapevine that she "never saw it coming". Really? Anyway, it is now 8 months later, we are still traveling (we have a RV) and I seem to finally be rid of the knot in the stomach feeling, even if I SEE a car that looks like hers. So, good for you, for taking care of yourself first. You are no good to your patients if you are not good to yourself. I wish you nothing but the best in your new job. Blessings to you.

[Barley]

In response to talk of burning bridges, I'd say that there wasn't really a bridge to begin with, based on the OP, and thus no reason to worry about burning said bridge. How can you get good references when you're already the least favorite, even if you give the two weeks notice? Is a two week notice going to magically erase all of the negative feelings the manager already had? Are you going to want to work for manager number 2 if manager 2 is good buddies with toxic manager 1? The kind of manager I want to work for would understand the importance of taking care of self first.

There are 3million or so nurses in the US, plenty of room to escape the worst of toxic circles.

As for the letters to the organization - is there a risk management office there? A risk management office might be more likely than the CEO to look into situations you observed.

[SleeepyRN]

Everyone, I want to clarify that if I write these letters to the nursing management office and to the CEO of the hospital they will be totally anonymous and without any identifying factors related to the specific unit I worked on, my manager, or my coworkers. I don't want to get in trouble or burn any bridges, and I definately don't want to get any of my former co-workers in trouble. My main goal was to make someone aware that there ARE situations like this that are going on in the hospital, and maybe someone will do something about it so that no one else there will fall through the cracks like I did. I'm not the only one who was having issues, there were dozens of other RNs on the unit with me who were either leaving or actively looking to leave because things were so bad there.Is it still a bad idea? I'm open to suggestions.

We have to start somewhere to begin to see a change right? I once wrote a letter to a previous supervisor of mine (before nursing) telling her how she treated me. You know what happened? She came to me in tears, feeling guilty (very Christian woman) and said I was absolutely right and apologized profusely. That ended that behavior.