Question about Paxil???

[duckie]

I am coming to you all for some advice here because you have been so helpful and encouraging in the past. As I nurse I know all the signs of depression and at the risk of being accused of self diagnosis, I do believe this is my problem. I went from being a very out going person to wanting to stay at home all the time when I'm not working. Just going to the grocery store throws me into a panic attack. Our family has suffered many problems in the past 8 months. Each situation pulls me deeper into this hole that I just cannot seem to get out of. I have frequent crying spells, have taken to stress eating again and have gained back 25 of the 38 pounds I had lost. I have a wonderfully supportive husband so please don't think it's marriage difficulties. I tried to quite smoking which I think did add to my nervousness. My MD gave me Xanax which I am taking twice daily and it does help the panic attacks but does not lift my frame of mind. It treats some of the symptoms but is not a cure. I do not want to become addicted to Xanax. I have read about Paxil and I think it could help me BUT I don't deal with it much where I work so I am asking for input from any of you that either deal with it on your job or know of someone that has taken it. I don't want to jump from the frying pan into the fire, I just want to ease my constant worrying and anxiety. Honestly, when I'm at work, I experience less stress than when I'm at home, most likely because at work I'm so busy I don't have time to think. I don't sleep well, but am tired and want to sleep all the time. When I lay down to sleep my mind races and I cannot relax. My husband says I worry all the time. He even tried to make me laugh by saying if I wasn't worried about somethng, that worried me because I knew I was forgetting something. He is wonderful but he is asking me to get help. Most of my worries come from situations with my family outside my home, which could explain why I just want to stay here with my husband where I feel safer, I don't know. I'll welcome any input, advice or ideas. I just know that things aren't right with me any more, I went from being the "class clown" so to speak, to being trapped inside my own mind and I don't like it here. I'm so tired of being sad, fearful and worried.

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

{[(Duckie)]}

Just wanted to add my name to your cheerleading squad:)

And remember that if you feel like getting out of bed is a chore that you need to give yourself a break, but set little goals. If all you do in one day is take a walk around the block in the sunshine you have done yourself a favor.

My love and hopes for you.

[flopmingale]

Duckie,

I hope some of these posts have helped. I know it helped me considerably to know that SO many nurses are battling the same exact monsters. My advice, after being dx at 18, now 38 with severe chronic depression with panic disorder, is to find a good psychiatrist! I went through so many doctors who were well meaning (and some not!) that just didn't know enough about psychotropic meds. I also found counseling very helpful. Often when we are depressed we tend to isolate for fear of others knowing how truly bleak we are feeling and running scared. There is still that old mentality of just needing to "pull yourself up by your bootstraps!" Hopefully, you do not have a heavy genetic predisposition, and maybe this is situational. That doesn't mean that meds cannot help you. I also agree with some other readers, try to stay away from the benzodiazapenes, sleeping meds (Remeron is a new antidepressant med with increased sleep properties) etc. d/t the ability to the ease of habitual use. One doctor had me taking Klonipin and sleeping meds for over 1 yr. and I had a terrible time coming off those. Anyway, try to find people who understand your situation, try to be aware that the darkest parts DO pass. There is light at the end of the tunnel, just hang in long enough for the treatment to begin working. It takes a little time. And, exercise is wonderful also. I walked. It forced me to get up, fix my self up a little to face the world and get out of the house. My heart is with you. I know it is probably of little consolation now, but one day there will be someone who needs your insight and compassion on being in that dark place and how to survive it. Keep checking in. We want to hear from you often!

[sharann, BSN, RN]

Duckie? Are you doing o.k? Just was worrying about you (and I have no idea who you are!). When you can, please check in. Hope things are looking up for you. Hold on to your faith in yourself and family. God too, if you are into religion.

[duckie]

Originally posted by sharann

Duckie? Are you doing o.k? Just was worrying about you (and I have no idea who you are!). When you can, please check in. Hope things are looking up for you. Hold on to your faith in yourself and family. God too, if you are into religion.

sharann, thank you so much for your concern. I am trying to take life just one day at a time. I have had some good days that I was able to keep my mind straight, and then there are those days that I cry all the time. I'm trying to quite smoking, and that is tough. On the better days, I can get by with only a couple of cigs, but on the bad days, I chain smoke, which upsets me because I cannot keep it together. If you don't smoke, you're a smart gal!!! I am looking forward to seeing my doc on the 29th. I do a lot of thinking and try to pinpoint why I feel depressed on the bad days. Part of my problems is that I am worried about my daughter, who just left here in tears. She moved in with her boyfriend several months back and for awhile they were very happy, but now the newness is wearing off and they are having the normal problems of combining lifestyles and I'm not sure it's going to work. She has already been through one divorce and perhaps this was the wrong advice to give her but I fully think you never really know a person till you live with them. I would probably not be married now if we hadn't lived together first. After my divorce I swore I'd never marry again. And as any mother knows, when your babies hurt, you hurt, no matter how old they are. When they are little you can kiss away the boo boo's, it's not that easy when they are older. I am trying hard to keep myself from getting down about this, but it's just one of the concerns that are constantly in my thoughts. I have had lots of very detailed talks with my hubby who is my very best friend. He says I spend all my time worrying about what might happen. Part of which is my Mom's progressing Alzheimers. My grandmother had it at 90, it hit my Mom at 69. I am 45 and I worry constantly, is this what I have to look forward to??? I know living in fear of what could happen isn't healthy and DH says that we should just take today and not think about tomorrow. I'm trying but every time I talk to my Mom, it starts again. Some days I'm not even sure she knows who she is talking to. Ultimately I know, if it's gonna happen, it will happen, and all my worries won't change the facts. And there are other things that are constantly on my mind, but I won't bug you with that. It sorta feels funny, telling you all these things. I guess maybe, I know that you can't see me, therefore you can't reject me. I fear rejection. I put on a great show for people, or at least I try to. I'm afraid if I'm not all smiles and bubbles, that everyone will turn away from me. Maybe that is why I have become so reclusive and just want to stay at home all the time. It takes a lot of energy to smile when you're crying on the inside. I did force myself to go to the movies the other day with my daughter and her boyfriend. He called here and she had prepared him for all the excuses I would give and he had an answer for them all. So, I took my Xanax(so I wouldn't freak out) and went. It wasn't too bad and I actually lived through it! It was a sweet thought on his part. My daughter is worried about me and I am worried about her......just a revolving cycle of worry. I know I will live through this, just gotta keep taking it one day at a time. I pray a lot, I have a very strong faith in God. If I didn't, the answer would be very different. But somehow I will survive, with His help, and the love of my family and even with the concerns voiced by each of you that have cared enough to try and help me back on my feet. You're all good people and I really appreciate your thoughts and concerns and your prayers. Didn't mean to write a book, just started rambling once I got started......sorry. I hope you all have a good day and once again, THANK YOU!!!!!

[sharann, BSN, RN]

Hey Duckie, rambling is good therapy! Just get through each day as you say you are. Don't beat yourself up ove quitting smoking at this time. You need to be strong to face that monster. Cutting down though is always a good idea. I am NOT a good girl because I smoke on and off (usually on). It's the hardest battle I've yet to win (I will eventually and so will you!)

Take care.

[markuy06]

Hi all

This subject to caught my eye while scrolling through the list. I to am on anti-depressant, Effexor. I was also in counseling, to my dismay I felt a lot better and willing to take the world on. I stopped going to counseling and (and) stopped the Effexor, Wrong thing to do. My thoughts were (I felt good! worked well with others and by myself, ( I didn't need it.)

The torture I put my family through and what my co-workers were seeing. To this day I don't know all of it. I was totally oblivious to it all.

What I had to do is call my doc. Tell him what I did and why he understood. He put me back on the Effexor. The way it had to be done was different then when I first started it.

I am going back into counseling soon (no apt. available). I know now that only a phyc. and Dr. can say when you are really truly able to stop the meds and treatment.

I wish you luck and may good health come your way.

Markuy