Professional women HELP!!!! - page 2

Ok...hello all...I need help and I need it FAST. How do you do it??? How do you do it when you want to get advanced degrees and stay current by working ( while still being relatively new so you... Read More

  1. by   joyrochelle
    well alrighty then....I guess I have wool pulled over my eyes.

    My original intent of this inquiry and cry for advice was moreso to get an idea of what people did when working as a nurse and having little ones. perhaps i gave you too much background when i was trying to provide info to better grasp my situation.

    Originally posted by caroladybelle
    And the fact that you are "glad that he has not jumped the gun" with a ring...also indicates that you are not ready for marriage and kids.

    well actually what i meant by that was that i am glad that he didnt do what my brother did at one point and spring a ring on his then girlfriend without talking about these things in advance....that just makes sense to me, *not* that I am not ready.

    and besides....I dont coffee....
  2. by   caroladybelle
    Originally posted by joyrochelle
    well thses are things that I have been weighing heavily..
    I think my boyfriend would be supportive once i was actually able to verbalize my needs....right now i am just apprenhensive.
    You have been together quite a while, you are contemplating moving with him, having children early, becoming a CNM....and you have difficulty discussing your needs and getting support.

    ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ??????
  3. by   joyrochelle
    ok...thanks...i get it.....
  4. by   caroladybelle
    Communication is the key to successful relationships.
  5. by   colleen10
    How do you do it?

    You take everything one step at a time. I think you are getting yourself worked up over all of the what-if's and maybe's and the excitement of possibly getting married, starting a family, moving cross country, school, etc.

    You need to calm down and rationalize all of this. You are not yet engaged, so, a wedding would be at least a year from now if you plan a regular/family wedding, children would then be at least a year or two from that. What you do have is Grad School starting this fall.

    You need to first tell your boyfriend what your plan is and find out what his plan is. Then, each of you needs to compromise a bit so that you can each get most of what you want right now and in the future. Communication and Compromise are the two most important ingredients in any relationship.

    Only after you communicate to each other your needs and wants then can you start making a game plan. Don't put the cart before the horse so to speak.

    Then, once you do make a plan, be prepared for each of your wants/needs to change and therefor, changes in the plan may need to be made. ie. when I was getting ready to get married my now husband and I had planned on working for a while, starting a family, me staying at home. Well, a few years into the plan that has all completely changed. Now I am back in school, really don't want to have kids right now at all, maybe in a few years, really want to work part time and start/raise a family.

    You really can't do anything or plan anything until you let your boyfriend know what you life plan is.
  6. by   joyrochelle
    Yes...exactly. thats what we are doing...we have been talking this thing to death as a matter of fact. It has just been difficult for me to single out EXACTLY what i want in teh immediate future (school now fulltime/work fulltime, school parttime/ work fulltime, start for kids immediately after marriage, etc) and THATS what I have had a hard time communicating. there are many things that i want, and its just figuring out how to go about it.

    I would be a j@ck@ss for not doing that....duh. Thanks for all the credit ladies!!!

    when you look at it chronologically, school holds the most water for the immediate future....and that makes sense.

    Really you guys....I was wondering about working with seems that everyone has a different shift that works for them, with kids at different I wanted to get a good idea about that aspect of it.....
  7. by   Liann
    I vote for finishing school before moving on to other life changes. School is easier if you can devote all of your attention to learning as much as you can. Working (even part time) and then adding husband and infant makes the juggling quite tricky. It only takes a slight bump to make you drop all of the juggled items!

    I understand wanting a lot of things from life, but no one ever said you need to have them all at once.

    My story...finished school (BS degree), got a full time job, got married 2 months later (had planned the wedding for a year ahead) Worked full time for 5 years. We saved my pay, lived on his. Bought a house with NO mortgage needed, THEN I had a baby and stayed home full time with her. Went part time a year later, and have been very satisfied with that. My .02......
  8. by   joyrochelle
    ARGHHH!!!! **throws down thread**

    Really...gotta love you are fiercely independent *and* opinionated...but you sure don't know how to read or "listen" to save yourselves!!!

    Originally posted by joyrochelle
    Really you guys....I was wondering about working with seems that everyone has a different shift that works for them, with kids at different I wanted to get a good idea about that aspect of it..... [/B]

    thanks all for your detailed input...but please read the above quote before posting...ok??!?!

    Thank you dearly in advance. :kiss
  9. by   caroladybelle
    Originally posted by joyrochelle
    ARGHHH!!!! **throws down thread**

    Really...gotta love you are fiercely independent *and* opinionated...but you sure don't know how to read or "listen" to save yourselves
    Obviously, neither do you as Lian gave you her answer and a well thought out one. Several posters have discussed how they manage (or do not manage) a complicated life. I regret that it is obviously not the answers that you would like but that gives no excuse for being rude to the posters.

    (and somehow I am now gaining empathy for the boyfriend for some silly reason..........)
    Last edit by caroladybelle on Apr 9, '03
  10. by   colleen10
    If the level of communication and self expression that you have demonstrated here is any indication of how you communicate with your boyfriend then I can see why no clear decisions have been made.
  11. by   joyrochelle
    WOW! ....*hahahh*....ok you guys. Thanks again....I appreciate your time and efforts.

    Very nice....really.
  12. by   tonchitoRN
    it is not easy having the kids in daycare but it is possible.
    so you want to know how it is done. when i worked 7-3 shift i had a baby in daycare. we left the house as 6am and i picked him up at 5pm. now you have to ask yourself if this is right for you. the key is to find the BEST daycare. so that way even if the kid is in daycare many hours at least it is fun and educational.

    i finished my school before having kids. think about it. also, there is nothing wrong with having the babies when you are older.
  13. by   semstr
    You have to make amends. You can't have all in life, or better said, not all things at the same time.
    Once you decide to have kids with your partner, they are the most important things there are.
    Your carreer is very important too of course, but so is the life of a woman, well most women at least, that you can't have it all at the same time. (well, I think it is the same for men too, btw)

    When you ask for advice, or opinions, here, you're going to get them, what way ever...............