Professional women HELP!!!!

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · Apr 9, 2003

Joyrochelle,

You are not listening to what is being said.

Stop and smell the coffee.

If you are not already engaged/married - you have a couple of years before you should be considering childbearing. You could get at least a good start on becoming a CNM in that time. Tell the man in your life "Look, I need to get this degree - if we want to be together here for the next 2 years or East for the next two years. But I need the information so that I can make plans.

Moving across country (away from friends/family/support) with someone to be with him - when he is not promised to you - is not a very good plan in my view - but I am not you.

Childbearing should wait until you have a good foundation (education, finances, a year or two of marriage). And yes, you have plenty of time, you just don't see it because of the "Love Haze".

If he cannot give you that information, at least some vague idea, then you have a man with some serious problems or that he has some hesitation - a major red flag.

As far as I am concerned, if there is no ring on your finger -you should go on with your plans as previously decided. If a man wants you and loves you, these plans would already be worked out with compromises on both sides and there would be no asking us...the fact that you are posing this question...means that you have doubts....and that there is a problem.

And the fact that you are "glad that he has not jumped the gun" with a ring...also indicates that you are not ready for marriage and kids.

This comes from a woman that has been there - put plans on hold for men that were "The Love of Her Life and very devoted" and are no longer around.

Been there - Done that - Should have a T-shirt to prove it.

(And if you are got married at 17, no education, have 8 children and all worked out fine - more power to you - This is my opinion that Joyrochelle is getting - you can give her yours also)

joyrochelle · Apr 9, 2003

well alrighty then....I guess I have wool pulled over my eyes.

My original intent of this inquiry and cry for advice was moreso to get an idea of what people did when working as a nurse and having little ones. perhaps i gave you too much background when i was trying to provide info to better grasp my situation.

Originally posted by caroladybelle
[
And the fact that you are "glad that he has not jumped the gun" with a ring...also indicates that you are not ready for marriage and kids.
[/b]

well actually what i meant by that was that i am glad that he didnt do what my brother did at one point and spring a ring on his then girlfriend without talking about these things in advance....that just makes sense to me, *not* that I am not ready.

and besides....I dont coffee....

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · Apr 9, 2003

Originally posted by joyrochelle
well thses are things that I have been weighing heavily..
I think my boyfriend would be supportive once i was actually able to verbalize my needs....right now i am just apprenhensive.

You have been together quite a while, you are contemplating moving with him, having children early, becoming a CNM....and you have difficulty discussing your needs and getting support.

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joyrochelle · Apr 9, 2003

ok...thanks...i get it.....

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · Apr 9, 2003

Communication is the key to successful relationships.

colleen10 · Apr 9, 2003

How do you do it?

You take everything one step at a time. I think you are getting yourself worked up over all of the what-if's and maybe's and the excitement of possibly getting married, starting a family, moving cross country, school, etc.

You need to calm down and rationalize all of this. You are not yet engaged, so, a wedding would be at least a year from now if you plan a regular/family wedding, children would then be at least a year or two from that. What you do have is Grad School starting this fall.

You need to first tell your boyfriend what your plan is and find out what his plan is. Then, each of you needs to compromise a bit so that you can each get most of what you want right now and in the future. Communication and Compromise are the two most important ingredients in any relationship.

Only after you communicate to each other your needs and wants then can you start making a game plan. Don't put the cart before the horse so to speak.

Then, once you do make a plan, be prepared for each of your wants/needs to change and therefor, changes in the plan may need to be made. ie. when I was getting ready to get married my now husband and I had planned on working for a while, starting a family, me staying at home. Well, a few years into the plan that has all completely changed. Now I am back in school, really don't want to have kids right now at all, maybe in a few years, really want to work part time and start/raise a family.

You really can't do anything or plan anything until you let your boyfriend know what you life plan is.

joyrochelle · Apr 9, 2003

Yes...exactly. thats what we are doing...we have been talking this thing to death as a matter of fact. It has just been difficult for me to single out EXACTLY what i want in teh immediate future (school now fulltime/work fulltime, school parttime/ work fulltime, start for kids immediately after marriage, etc) and THATS what I have had a hard time communicating. there are many things that i want, and its just figuring out how to go about it.

I would be a j@ck@ss for not doing that....duh. Thanks for all the credit ladies!!!

when you look at it chronologically, school holds the most water for the immediate future....and that makes sense.

Really you guys....I was wondering about working with kids....it seems that everyone has a different shift that works for them, with kids at different ages....so I wanted to get a good idea about that aspect of it.....

Liann · Apr 9, 2003

I vote for finishing school before moving on to other life changes. School is easier if you can devote all of your attention to learning as much as you can. Working (even part time) and then adding husband and infant makes the juggling quite tricky. It only takes a slight bump to make you drop all of the juggled items!

I understand wanting a lot of things from life, but no one ever said you need to have them all at once.

My story...finished school (BS degree), got a full time job, got married 2 months later (had planned the wedding for a year ahead) Worked full time for 5 years. We saved my pay, lived on his. Bought a house with NO mortgage needed, THEN I had a baby and stayed home full time with her. Went part time a year later, and have been very satisfied with that. My .02......

joyrochelle · Apr 9, 2003

ARGHHH!!!! **throws down thread**

Really...gotta love you guys...you are fiercely independent *and* opinionated...but you sure don't know how to read or "listen" to save yourselves!!!

Originally posted by joyrochelle
Really you guys....I was wondering about working with kids....it seems that everyone has a different shift that works for them, with kids at different ages....so I wanted to get a good idea about that aspect of it..... [/b]

thanks all for your detailed input...but please read the above quote before posting...ok??!?!

Thank you dearly in advance. :kiss

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · Apr 9, 2003

Originally posted by joyrochelle
ARGHHH!!!! **throws down thread**

Really...gotta love you guys...you are fiercely independent *and* opinionated...but you sure don't know how to read or "listen" to save yourselves

Obviously, neither do you as Lian gave you her answer and a well thought out one. Several posters have discussed how they manage (or do not manage) a complicated life. I regret that it is obviously not the answers that you would like but that gives no excuse for being rude to the posters.

(and somehow I am now gaining empathy for the boyfriend for some silly reason..........)

colleen10 · Apr 9, 2003

If the level of communication and self expression that you have demonstrated here is any indication of how you communicate with your boyfriend then I can see why no clear decisions have been made.

joyrochelle · Apr 9, 2003

WOW! ....*hahahh*....ok you guys. Thanks again....I appreciate your time and efforts.

Very nice....really.