Afraid To Kill An Angel's Life

I mean, how did OR and NICU intertwine?!

I asked them I did not have any experience before on that area. They said it's okay you're still young and you will learn. I, on the other hand, did not say anything about it because they are the one who's hiring me. For one week, I asked myself about what I do know about caring for neonates that are ill. Then only to found out that even when I was in college I never liked the subject about maternal and child nursing and pediatric nursing!

To be frank, I am stupid on this subject. Nevertheless, I went on for my duty. On my first 1 month, I was under the supervision of senior staff. I told her that I'm really new to the area. Gladly, she's so nice in sharing her experiences. I am really afraid of touching the neonates, turning them to their other side every 2 hours was tormenting for me.

The baby's body is so feeble and for me, it can really be easily molded! Aside from all those connections like their UVC & UAC, peripheral lines, their ett connected to a mechanical ventilator, the cardiac monitor, and other tubes, if I'm not careful enough, I can detach all the connection at once! I am even afraid of doing CPT and suction for the babies.

For one month, I found myself crying when I'm sleeping. I was really afraid of my work. I was afraid of the physicians, directors, supervisors when they're having their rounds. More, I was afraid to kill an angels life because I'm not familiar with its care.

Now, after several months, I can say that I learned a lot. I am not afraid to be left alone in the room with ventilated patients. I can even handle more than five patients. I've gained my confidence back. You might say babies can't talk to say thank you, but they can feel your presence.

They showed it through monitors. They respond well when you're also sensitive to their needs. It may be they want me to do CPT and suction, change their position coz' they're not comfortable, or maybe hungry, change pampers or they just want to hear my voice talking to them.

It's a heart touching moment if you feed the baby with bottled milk(according to order) in good condition, when you were the one who admitted before when the baby was critical. More if the baby is discharged and the parents extend they're thank you for me and all the staffs.

My experience in NICU is a bold move. My seniors are happy about my work. Even when the Director, Supervisor, Physicians do their rounds and asked me several questions about my care, about the interpretations of laboratory results, the diagnosis, the medicine, the IVF lines etc... I know how to answer. I

I'm even told this word -"VERY GOOD"- now that sounds terrific!

In our hospital, we also go to OR if there's CS, according to our protocol. So, I still get the chance to see OR where my first heart is.

"Skills can be learned" Skills and knowledge is the best weapon for building confidence.