Living Wills

Tweety, BSN, RN · Mar 10, 2003

Thanks sjoe for your insight. That's exactly what I don't want to happen, greedy relatives taking what we've built together.

I'd be at a loss to decide on a different DPOA other than him though. I'm even having trouble coming up with an alternate (which I believe you have to name an alternate in case something happens to your first POA). Unpleasant as it is it must be done. I'd had to have an anaphylactic reation to something and have my poor parents step in as my POA (they are technically and legally my only POA right now), they wouldn't know what to do, they'd just blindly follow whatever the docs say and I would rot for years.

Thanks again.

sjoe · Mar 10, 2003

"That's exactly what I don't want to happen, greedy relatives taking what we've built together."

Greedy and/or self-righteous relatives. I've seen it several times now in the 5 situations I've been involved with (three as executor, one as DPOAHC, two as "there was no one else around at the time to do it" ) ESPECIALLY when the patient/deceased is gay.

"which I believe you have to name an alternate in case something happens to your first POA"

Nope, this is not necessary. If your DPOAHC predeceases you, simply re-do the paperwork with a new person, just as you would the executor of a Last Will. I chose a nurse who is enough of a friend (and tough enough) to carry out my wishes (which are VERY restrictive as to what interventions are allowed--I've seen enough suffering and don't choose to add to the world's total by having more inflicted on me!), and who is still emotionally distant enough not to be easily manipulated by hospital staff or relatives. You just need to keep your eyes open when making your decision, that's all.

And I say again, if your SO is aware of the potential challenges (not to mention the real ones) and knows that he can handle them, then he might be an appropriate choice.

Again, you will find it useful to read what Nolo Press has to say about all this, and it will simplify the process. OR, for a few hundred dollars, find a lifestyle-friendly attorney with experience in the field to draw up the papers for you. Often, emotionally-charged things like this are best done by someone else. Since I first did mine at age 25, though I have no major health problems, and have revised them several times when indicated since then, it gets easier as time goes by. Like doing one's own divorce.

If you are talking about major assets (say in excess of $100k) then it is probably a good idea to have an attorney arrange all these items, including a Last Will and Testament, as this much equity would be a tempting prize for others.

(Disclaimer: All my posts on this thread have been MY opinions which result from MY experiences. I do not work in the legal field at this time and am not an attorney.)