He is only 40 years old. He went to the dentist and coded. They did CPR. Sometimes that's not a good thing.
He is now in a permanent vegetative state.
He has a trach. His secretions are so thick they bubble back out. He needs suctioned hourly, if not more. But that's not why he is in the hospital. It's decubiti. He coded in July. He now has a massive stage 5 on his coccyx. Monday they will debride it. It is infected. It doesn't help that he is diabetic. His left leg now has a stage 3 on the top of the shin, and his back his covered with stage 1's. His heels are breaking down.
He has pink eye in both eyes.
His right arm is contracted.
He has a feeding tube and a foley.
He will never get better.
He will only get worse.
As I bathed him tonight I looked into his big red eyes and I saw him inside of there. He can't talk, but he was there. And the way his eyes locked on to mine was a form of communication, he was telling me he was helpless. No more than that. And he tried to move his mouth and talk but no words came out.
And I sort of hugged him, and I started to cry.
I know that I must sound crazy but I just know what he was telling me with his eyes.
And I have never felt so damn helpless myself, in all of my life.
Specializes in obstetrics(high risk antepartum, L/D,etc.
I just found this site. I am crying so hard it is hard to respond. I had a patient similar to "thisnurse". He was completly paralyzed, aphasic, and as stiff as could be. Had a G-tube, trach, and a foley. The worst part, he had a wife who didn't want the nursing staff to talk to him or relate to him in any way-- "He is mine!" I was a new employee, and was unaware of this. At night, when I was giving him care, especially tube feeds "we" would talk about things--his grandson's picture on the wall the weather and most of all the local football team. I always felt that he gave me looks of understanding and of gratitude. I also felt compassion for a man who was trapped in a body that did not work. He had a nice beard, and I like beards, so I asked him if I could pat it. He gave me what I can discribe only as smiling eyes. This became an every night event. This got back to his wife. This did not make her happy, and she forbid me to be assigned to his care and to even enter his room. I asked a sympathetic aid to at least tell him where I had gone.
I had another elderly gentleman at about the same time, who was terminal with bladder cancer. He had not had any visitors and rarely said a word. One night, I was changing his TPN, when he awakened. He said "I love it when you come in here". I asked why I was different than the other nurses. Come to find out , I reminded him of a long since past relative that he had loved. I, wanting to keep him talking, asked what he missed most about her. He thought a few seconds, then a big smile spread across his face. "Her HUGS" I asked if he wanted a hug from me, and he said yes. Of course he got one. Two days later, I was called to the nurse managers office and fired for hugging an 84 year old man and accused of sexual harrasment involving the first mentioned gentleman. The manager reported both of these incidents to the Board of Nursing and I was forced to relenquish my nursing license. I have been a nurse for 42 years, and have never felt that a hug , or a tear is not a big part of my care. I support you entirely and completely and I send you many hugs, and I've used a box of kleenex reading these letters.
I sure understand how you feel. I have been a nurse for 28 years,there have been many times I have cried. I don't really have a story to relay,there are so many I could tell you about. I have always felt that when I lost my ability to cry I would need to leave nursing.
:stone :stone :stone we are not stones or robots.......
we are human beings that are also nurses...............
how many times I have done postmortem care with tears streamin down my face..........cause just two to ten minutes ago I was just talking to this patient.........
when I comfort families.....do i try to stay stoic.......no i try to stay professional, compassionate.........and offer support........
when I care for someone.......i care.............
there is a fine line between professionalism and caring too much.............but SICU nurse you said it very well................
it is a question of caring..........if i ever lost my ability to care, then i would need to leave nursing.........
fired for hugging a patient? geez, that's a bit extreme. I am so very sorry you had to go throught that, and lose your license. I hug patients, and family members. Sometimes, it is just needed. Judy Ann, you sound like an absolutely loving and compassionate person, and if I were a patient or family, I would let you take care of, and hug, me and my family.
I think that no matter how long you have been a nurse, you're still a person first and that person has feelings,. Other wise why would you have choosen this terrible field to be in. you know the screwy hours, that "great job" slap on the back, ya right. If any one besides my patients ever give compliments it's the aids that have been turned around by me to become nurses and the few EMT's that I have talked into become the best they can be, by doing the same and getting that degree. I have had the opportunitiy to convert a few LPN's into becomming RN's only for the $$. Because were I was working at the time we all did the same and the LPN's did it best. Sincerely, Debbie In Massachusetts :kiss
judy ann
225 Posts
I just found this site. I am crying so hard it is hard to respond. I had a patient similar to "thisnurse". He was completly paralyzed, aphasic, and as stiff as could be. Had a G-tube, trach, and a foley. The worst part, he had a wife who didn't want the nursing staff to talk to him or relate to him in any way-- "He is mine!" I was a new employee, and was unaware of this. At night, when I was giving him care, especially tube feeds "we" would talk about things--his grandson's picture on the wall the weather and most of all the local football team. I always felt that he gave me looks of understanding and of gratitude. I also felt compassion for a man who was trapped in a body that did not work. He had a nice beard, and I like beards, so I asked him if I could pat it. He gave me what I can discribe only as smiling eyes. This became an every night event. This got back to his wife. This did not make her happy, and she forbid me to be assigned to his care and to even enter his room. I asked a sympathetic aid to at least tell him where I had gone.
I had another elderly gentleman at about the same time, who was terminal with bladder cancer. He had not had any visitors and rarely said a word. One night, I was changing his TPN, when he awakened. He said "I love it when you come in here". I asked why I was different than the other nurses. Come to find out , I reminded him of a long since past relative that he had loved. I, wanting to keep him talking, asked what he missed most about her. He thought a few seconds, then a big smile spread across his face. "Her HUGS" I asked if he wanted a hug from me, and he said yes. Of course he got one. Two days later, I was called to the nurse managers office and fired for hugging an 84 year old man and accused of sexual harrasment involving the first mentioned gentleman. The manager reported both of these incidents to the Board of Nursing and I was forced to relenquish my nursing license. I have been a nurse for 42 years, and have never felt that a hug , or a tear is not a big part of my care. I support you entirely and completely and I send you many hugs, and I've used a box of kleenex reading these letters.