Another new grad, feeling lost

Nurses General Nursing

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Hi there everyone! A little bit about me: I am 22 years old. I graduated with my BSN in May 2016, and passed my boards at the end of July. I worked for 3 months as a temporary substitute nurse in my hometown. During this time I served as a 1:1 nurse for a preschool student with spina bifida, substituted in school health offices in schools throughout the district, assisted with annual screenings etc. Since December I have been working in a long term care facility.

I won't go into too much detail, but the facility I work at (like many long term facilities) is severely short staffed and incredibly unorganized. The problem is just getting worse, and I want out. I am afraid for my license, and the stress of this job is affecting other aspects of my life. For example, I feel extreme guilt because it seems like I have no time to actually take care of my residents aside from giving them medication. I hate myself for feeling frustrated with my residents when I need to assist them to the bathroom in the middle of my med pass. I am at work 2 hours late each night finishing my documentation because there is just no time. I usually don't take a break because most of the time this would mean passing meds until 11pm. (I know it is important and I take a break any chance I get – but I would not want to be awoken in the middle of the night to be fed pills in my own home, so why would I do this to my residents?)

My plan was to stay for at least 8 months to a year, then seek a job in acute care with the ultimate goal of working in public health or school nursing as health promotion is my passion. I knew in my heart before I even graduated that I was not meant to work in a hospital. However, at this point I don't think I can even bear to work in acute care. I don't feel that I am cut out to handle the stress of bedside nursing. Yes, there are many specialties outside of acute care, but you need experience. Right now I am wondering why I even finished nursing school. I feel I am too anxious to work in a hospital without it breaking me. I feel so lost, useless, and stupid right now. I am racking my brain for anything I can do aside from nursing that would put my education to good use. I have a lot of compassion and a strong desire to help people, and I KNOW that I have the ability to make the work a better place, I just have no idea how to do so right now.

Thank you so much to anyone that took the time to read this. I guess I just needed to vent because I feel totally alone in my situation and am looking for some guidance or words of advice. Lots of love !

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Hang in there. LTC facilities are tough sometimes due to patient load and understaffing especially as a new nurse. My first job after I passed the nclex was in a rehab/LTC facility and I was so lost and stressed out as well. However it helped me learn time management very well so I was passing meds for hours on end. If you can just try to stick it out until you have at least 1 year of nursing experience to put on your resume. You've been working as a nurse for 8 months or so total? If you can hang on for another 4 months then you'll have your one year of experience to make your resume stand out a little more.

There are nursing jobs out there that may hire without acute care experience or are willing to train. Keep applying and don't lose hope.

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I felt exactly like you when I worked in a nursing home! I would cry myself to sleep and thought I hated nursing ! Then I got a hospital job and I love it! It's waaaay different there are days when I'm also very anxious and stressed but not all the time. LTC is VERY stressful I also would time myself if I spent more than 3 minutes with a patient I was behind I also felt like a horrible nurse for it. And angry family members didn't help...I'm sure u deal with that too. 😰 Hang in there it will get better.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, LTACH, LTC, Home Health.

Not a whole lot we can do about your feelings of being lost. It's typical new-nurse syndrome. We've ALL had to go through that. The only cure for it is experience. Even then, once you change jobs, prepare for the relapse syndrome, because every new job produces some degree of anxiety.

As for the resident needing bathroom assistance in the middle of your med pass, think of it this way: had that resident and a few others not been there, chances are you would not have been hired due to low census.

Had I been able to get a LTC job when my hospital started cancelling shifts during the economic downfall, I wouldn't be an RN (forget the BSN!) today. But the census was so low everywhere due to a loss of income/insurance, I couldn't buy a LTC position even with my 24 years of LPN experience back then.

This, too, shall pass. Hang in there.:up:

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

I just want to give you a hug and encouragement. You are not a terrible nurse and all nursing isn't like this. Since your ultimate goal is school nursing etc, I would suggest you seek out a job either in a pediatric practice, pediatric home health or a pediatric hospital. Is there a children's hospital where you live? Here there are several and they are always seeking out RNs both for acute care roles, but also those in the health clinics of various specialties.

Being new and lost is soooooooo common. I felt that way too. Around the 12 month mark I started to see other new nurses starting at the hospital and was better able to gauge how far I had come by watching and helping them get their feet under them. You are doing better than you think you are, I am sure of it. It sounds to me more like this specialty may just not be the most ideal match. There is nothing wrong with going ahead and starting to search for a different position. Write strong cover letters that detail your passion for peds and see if you can make a change.

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lilimoonRN - Thanks so much for the response! It's good to hear that someone who feels the way I do in LTC now loves a hospital job. Sometimes I wonder if I am so stressed out in "just" a nursing home, how I could possibly handle the fast pace and acuity of a hospital. And yes, lots of angry family members :\

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not.done.yet - Thank you so much for the words of encouragement! I have thought about seeking a peds position in a hospital, but I think I want to be a school nurse because of my interest in public health. I love working with kids, but never thought I would like working with them in the inpatient setting for some reason. Definitely something to think about though. It would give me great experience for when or if I do go into school nursing... but I feel like it would be difficult to transition to another public health type position if I decide against school nursing. Again, thank you for the advice :)

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BSNbeDONE - That's a good way to look at it. I am very thankful to have a job! Money isn't my priority, but I have to admit that getting paid feels pretty great :) and I hope so. I'll hang in there for now

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

You will be MUCH more likely to obtain a school nurse position if you have peds experience. :)

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First, you are not stupid, nor are you lost.

You have been place in an impossible situation, and believe me, your employer knows it. If you feel as though your license is endangered, GET OUT. And while you are waiting for your next position, be sure to document everything to cover your own butt. Your employer doesn't care about you, or the residents.

You have the skills to work acute care in a hospital if that is what you want to do. Think about the way you have been forced to juggle patients, medication pass, etc. You can do it, if you want to.

I have no idea where you live, but in my neck of the woods, it is fairly easy to get an RN hospital job. My best advice would be shadow at any facility that offers you a position. Notice if the staff looks stressed out. Notice how they interact with one another. How available are resources such as house supervisor and charge RN?

If you are interested in public health, you may need more schooling. You will definitely need more nursing experience.

Good luck! Remember, you aren't stuck. You shape your own future. Please don't remain in an unsafe environment.

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