Funny things your residents have said/done...

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Specializes in none as of yet.

I get so sick of looking at the downside to being a CNA (not bashing anyone here). I just thought of this thread idea that could be a bit funny....

To start this off...

1) I had a demented LOL who wanted a cigarette. I could not give her one because the last time said had a cigarette she set her own hair on fire. When I told her that I could not give her one (for several reasons), she replied "What the *ell kind of place is this?" That response earned her a hug!

2)I had a blind and bed-bound resident call me fat even though he had never touched me. How would he know I am fat?

3)Same above resident threatened to kick the a$$ of his PITA quad roommate. He roommate (I'm sorry to say) was a jerk so I would have paid money to see this!

I know there are more out there....the floor is yours...

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A few favorites (all from my days in geriatrics):

"I crapped myself."

"I mostly washed, but I can't quite reach my snatch. Wish I could move the damned thing up about a foot or so."

"I can't use this urinal because my member is pretty much inside out, anymore."

"Really, it doesn't matter if my gown comes open in the back. There's so much hair on my butt. You can't even see the skin."

"I don't miss cigarettes but I sure wouldn't say no to a doobie."

And from a little old man, I was getting him ready for bed and we pulled down his pants...he looked down and was surprised to find he had an erection. He made a shocked look, then looked at me and said "Well. Just watch out for Mr. Stubby". (In a completely non creepy way, lol)

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When I was being given report by the NOC shift CNA in the dementia unit, she told me of when she was changing a male resident's attends during the night.....as she turned him toward her to get them on, his hands reached for her and happened to grab the most prominent area of her upper anatomy. He said...'Oh, you have soft lady parts.' She thought it was hilarious, although the unit coordinator was less amused and wanted to report this harmless little gentleman. I think she needs a little better sense of humor.

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"Be realllll careful back there, my poop is reallllll sticky. It's a bummer to get off. Maybe you should get some help for it."

One of the CNAs once taught the demented residents to go around saying "Dude! Rock out with your **** out!" (hint, it rhymes with "block" and refers to male anatomy :)) Discounting the ethics of the situation, it was hilarious.

Resident dressed herself for Christmas dinner. In June.

[answering call light]

Me: How can I help you?

Them: I want 2 Percocet, an Ativan, some chocolate ice cream, and some chips.

Me: Anything else?

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Specializes in LTC.

Guy took off his underwear, sniffed the skid mark in them, turned to me and said, "Now that's just nasty." :lol2:

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I work in a "Rehab" center- so we have many kinds of residents. Some are demented, and don't belong there, but I digress...

The recent funny thing that happened was that we have two demented LOLs who share a room. One of them is always thinking the other is her mother. About a week ago I heard one of the bed alarms go off, so upon entering the room, I see LOL #1 bending over her roommate in bed. Before I could get to her, LOL #1 KISSES LOL #2. This was funny in itself, but LOL #2 says, "OH GOD, she KISSED me!" It was funny as hell! These two are a neverending source of amusement, I swear.

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Specializes in Gerontology, Psychiatrics, Med-surg.

A 93 year old dementia patient of mine asked me last night why it was that I didn't find him sexually attractive. When I proceeded to tell him that it was unprofessional to think things of that sort about a patient of mine (trying to be nice and not break down his confidence), he then proceeded to ask, "Well, what does a guy gotta do to get laid around here?!?"

:lol2::rolleyes:

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...he then proceeded to ask, "Well, what does a guy gotta do to get laid around here?!?"

I guess he hasn't heard the news that the rates of STD infection have been steadily increasing in the elderly since the "Viagra breakthrough" in recent years. ;)

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Alz unit; have a resident who takes his brief off when it's soiled - discreetly, and often in the shower rooms. Last week he "discarded" a biref with diarhea in another guys room.

Cleaned up the brief tosser then commenced the clean up process in the "fouled" room. The occupant of the room rolled up to the doorway in his wheelchair and saw that I was cleaning the floor. I looked up and saw him shake his head, sniff the air, and he said, "you know - we really gotta get rid of that dog."

I'm still chuckling on the inside. I love my residents.

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Specializes in geriatrics, dementia, ortho.

I work in dementia, and got the following report when I came on shift: "Mrs. X is really tired, she's been walking around looking for 'her midget' all day".

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One of the CNAs once taught the demented residents to go around saying "Dude! Rock out with your **** out!" (hint, it rhymes with "block" and refers to male anatomy :)) Discounting the ethics of the situation, it was hilarious.

Thats really not funny. That CNA sounds like a jerk.

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One of the male students during clinicals had a female resident tell him, "Deeper, honey, deeper," when he was doing perineal care.

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