funny pediatric complaints and questions

by hoolahan hoolahan, ASN, RN Member Nurse

Specializes in Home Health.

These are too funny! LOL. Thanks for sharing it!



40 Posts


Vol.89 No.6

June 1992

Most Interesting Chief Complaints

-Drank the dog's milk - from the dog's nipple

-Needs a circumcision beacause his tonsild/adenoids are so big

-Can't find baby's birthmark

-Placed tooth under pillow - now lodged in right ear

-Piece of bologna string hanging from anus

-Problem with his manlihood

-Baby is afraid of his hands

-Needs anus muscles checked - has been straining

-Sprayed hairspray all over bathroom - then threw up from smell

Suspicious - Sounding Chief Complaints

-Fell out of infancy

-Lump down his tentacle

-Needs a mental extraction

-Romantic fever

-Cereal palsy

-Sick as hell anemia

-Scrap throat

-Swollen asteroids

Questions Asked

-Hello, I would like to schedule an emergency.

-Does St. Christopher's carry breast milk?

-May I speak to Mr. Dimetapp?

-My baby can't breathe. What time can I bring her in?

-Is it alright for a 2 year old to fly if he's constipated?

-Is there such a thing as a birth control vibrator?

-My little girl kissed a dead chicken. Should I bring her in?

-Should a 5 year old be wiping his own butt?

Other Amazing Things Said by Parents

Nurse: How do you know he has a stomachache-he's only 2 months old?"

Mother: "Because a lady who had her period held him on her stomach".


Doctor, to mother of child drinking soda and eating candy "That isn't a good idea for a child with his problem."

Mother - "Well, I certainly don't want my child vomiting on an empty stomach!"


Doctor: "What kind of convulsions has he had in the past?"

Mother: "Oh, he vomits once and then runs around the house chasing the cat".


Doctor: "Give him 3 baby aspirins every 4 hours for the fever".

Mother: "I would but my other 2 kids ate the bottle of aspirin at home this afternoon".


Mother of a 12 year old girl with abdominal pain: "I don't think it's the you-know-what. She ain't a virgin yet".


Nurse: "How did you hurt your leg?"

Boy: "I was break dancing last night and I think the break broke me".


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