FUNNY Nursing Notes~

i don't know about you but these make my day~ do you have any to share with the rest of us? feel free, i'll be looking forward to them.

nursing notes

cardiac

*patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year.

*by the time she was admitted to the hospital, her rapid heart had stopped and she was feeling much better.

musculokeletal

*on the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day, it had completeley disappeared.

*while in the emergency department, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

neurologic

*patient was alert and unresponsive.

*healthy appearing, decrepit 69-year-old female, mentally alert, but forgetful.

*she is numb from her toes down.

gastrointestinal

*rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid.

*the patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

*she stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989, when she got a divorce.

*bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to los angeles

*the patient was to have a bowel resection. however, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

*fleet enema given with stool hard as pine knots.

*patient complains of indigestion since last night when he ate a stake.

*patient passed flatus... two short, one long.

*patient was seen in consultation by the physician who felt we should sit tight on the abdomen and i agreed.

gynecologic/urologic

*examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus-sized.

*indwelling urinary catheter draining clear yellow roses.

*examination of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

*pelvic examination to be done later on the floor.

*indwelling catheter draining large amount of urine the color of american beer.

*md at bedside attempting to urinate. unsuccessful. (the physician was actually attempting to intubate).

social history

*the patient lives at home with his mother, father and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

*patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

*examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.

miscellaneous

*the skin was moist and dry.

*both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accomodation.

*the baby was delivered; the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

*skin: somewhat pale, but present.

*i saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

*because she can't get pregnant with her husband. i thought you'd like to work her up.

*the test indicated abnormal lover function.

*if he squeezes the back of his neck for 4 or 5 years, it comes and goes.

*discharge status: alive, but without permission.

(by jan black, rn, ocn)

-contributed by francine