For My Fellow Veterans

[kmchugh]

Found online (http://www.duke.edu/~pms5/humor/war.html), thought you all might enjoy this:

Murphy's Laws Of Combat

1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.

2. Incoming fire has the right of way.

3. Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the

combat zone, it draws sergeants.

4. There is always a way.

5. The easy way is always mined.

6. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

7. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.

8. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:

a. when you're ready for them.

b. when you're not ready for them.

9. Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.

10. If you can't remember, then the claymore is pointed at you.

11. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.

12. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

13. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.

14. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.

15. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.

16. Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able

to get out.

17. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

18. If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat

zone.

19. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.

20. Never forget that your equipment is made by the lowest bidder.

21. No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.

--Field Marshall Helmuth Carl Bernard von Moltke

22. The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a

map.

23. The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy

somebody else to shoot at.

24. The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely

your artillery will shoot short.

25. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

26. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.

27. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned

positions.

28. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming

friendly fire.

29. There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you,

and miss.

30. If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

31. Never worry about the bullet with your name on it. Instead, worry about

shrapnel addressed to 'occupant'.

32a. All battles are fought at the junction of two or more map sheets...printed at different scales.

32b. All battles are fought uphill.

32c. All battles are fought in the rain.

33. Logistics is the ball and chain of armored warfare.

--Heinz Guderian

34. The army with the smartest dress uniform will lose.

35. What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next

rank.

36. A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

--George Patton

37. If orders can be misunderstood, they have been.

38. Tracer works both ways.

39. War is like love. To triumph, you must make contact.

--Attributed to Napoleon

40. Boldness becomes rarer, the higher the rank.

--Karl von Clausewitz

41. Never reinforce failure. Failure reinforces itself.

42. Only 5% of an intelligence report is accurate. The trick of a good

commander is to isolate the 5%.

--Douglas MacArthur

43. Tactics is for amateurs; professionals study logistics.

44. When a front line soldier overhears two General Staff officers

conferring, he's fallen back too far.

45. It isn't necessary to be an idiot to be a senior officer, but it sure

helps.

46. No captain can do very wrong who places his ship alongside that of the

enemy.

--Vice Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson

47. Only numbers can annihilate.

--Vice Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson

48. Priorities are made by officers, not God. There's a difference.

49. Always honor a threat.

50. The weight of all of your equipment is proportional to the cube of the

time you have been carrying it.

51. Hell hath no fury like a non-combatant.

--Charles Edward Montague

52. Fighter pilots make movies; attack pilots make history.

53. There are two kinds of naval vessels: submarines and targets.

54. A lost battle is a battle one thinks one has lost.

--Ferdinand Foch (Principles de Guerre)

55. Surprise is an event that takes place in the mind of a commander.

--Jerry Pournelle

56. All warfare is based on deception.

--Sun Tzu (The Art of War)

57. A little caution outflanks a large cavalry.

--Otto von Bismark

58. No combat ready squad ever passed inspection. No inspection ready squad

ever passed combat.

59. Five second grenade fuses burn down in three seconds.

60. Radios function perfectly until you need fire support.

61. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more

than your fair share to take.

62. Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of

amateurs.

63. Parade ground inspections are to combat readiness as mess hall food is

to cuisine.

64. When in doubt empty the magazine.

65. Snow is not neutral.

--Frunze Military Academy Maxim

66. The tank is a monument to the inaccuracy of indirect fire.

67. Diplomacy has rarely been able to gain at the conference table what

cannot be gained or held on the battlefield.

--General Walter Bedell Smith

68. War is the unfolding of miscalculations.

--Barbara Tuchman

70. Perfect is the enemy of good enough.

--Soviet Admiral Gorshkov

71. He who wants do defend everything defends nothing.

--Frederick the Great

72. If they're shooting at you, it's a high intensity conflict.

73. Artillery adds dignity to what would otherwise be a vulgar brawl.

74a. If at first you don't succeed, call for artillery.

74b. When that doesn't work, call for an air strike.

75. Mine fields are not neutral. They attack both armies.

76a. The effective radius of a hand grenade is always greater than the

distance you can jump.

76b. The effective radius of a hand grenade is greater then the average

grunt can throw it.

77a. Your mortar barrage will put exactly one round on the intended target.

That round will be a dud.

77b. The mortar team will always have the correct number of safety pins to

prove they armed all the rounds.

77c. To ensure this, the mortar team caries extra pins.

78. There is no such thing as a convenient foxhole.

79. Odd objects attract fire. You are odd.

80. More aircraft are incapacitated by a shortage of spare parts than by

enemy action.

[jnette, ASN, EMT-I]

Enjoyed these. Thanx ! :)

My favorites:

20. Never forget that your equipment is made by the lowest bidder.

56. All warfare is based on deception.

[nekhismom]

These were my favorites:

20. Never forget that your equipment is made by the lowest bidder.

26. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap

63. Parade ground inspections are to combat readiness as mess hall food is

to cuisine.

[GI Issue Nurse]

I have not read these in years. I have not seen the version with the quoted remarks before. Thank you so much for the memories and the laughs. :chuckle

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

Thanks for the chuckle of the morning. USN - 1978 to 1980!