For those of you who have gone back to school or changed careers, I need encouragemen

[Luv2helpppl]

I have been in my profession for about 10 years now and make pretty good money (about $50k a year). I have had a life long dream of being a nurse. I tried to go that route right out of high school, but I was way too young and immature to buckle down. Fast forward 15 years or so, and I am now ready to do it all again. I have the last three pre-reqs to finish to even be able to apply. Then after you apply and get accepted, you go on a 2 year waiting list (at least) and then the core nursing classes are two years long. Once accepted, I will have finished all classes necessary for the degree except the core nursing classes that you can only take if you are accepted into the program), so for the 2 years I will be waiting for my name to come up and start the program. So, we are looking at approximately starting the program sometime between 2010 and 2012 and then finishing and getting a job sometime in 2015 (wow, that seems so far away!).

My dh who is a great, but does not like to take risks and is perfectly content staying in his job where he makes good money for doing basically nothing hard but dealing with people who don't care about their job versus what he could do elsewhere or starting over. I understand not wanting to work harder for the same amount of money, but if it were something that he really wanted to do, then I would say go for it. He just won't and sees no reason to give up the money and easy job.

Me, I work full time doing legal work, which I like, its okay. I really want to do the nursing thing and it is very important to me. I can't take a pay cut because we don't qualify for financial aid. I am attempting to avoid disrupting my family as much as possible by doing the classes that I can online. I have had to give up my every other Friday off for having every Monday afternoon off for the lab. This impacts my husband in that I am not home every other Friday with him and the kids.

He really doesn't have any valid arguments for not wanting me to do this, which is what is making me mad. Because I have the initiate and desire to follow my dreams, he thinks I am being selfish. After all I was the one who wanted kids in the first place (he will never let me live this one down, even after being together for 12 years). He thinks nursing schedules stink and that there won't be any flexibility. I can generally come in late (I am talking 30 min or less) at my current job and not get docked for it. I am late in the morning due to dropping dd off at school and traffic is always different. He thinks that if I were a nurse and had to be there on time, I would get fired. I think he is afraid that he will be with the kids more (i.e. he works from 12:30-9 p.m. and some nursing shifts are 7-7) He also thinks nurses don't get paid well. From what I gathered on the internet, a starting nursing salary in San Diego can be $66k, which is way more than I make here, working full time. I would be working less hours (so to speak, 3 days vs 5 days) thus, making me more available for my kids.

I think what it boils down to is that he jealous that I want to do something different. I think he is worried about the money and having to watch the kids more. Right now, he has them in the mornings 7:30 (they wake up between 7:00-8:00) until 12:30. dd starts K in September and next year ds will start K too. So, I would be responsible for taking them both to school in the morning, therefore he will be home alone every day of the week in the morning, and I have them at night.

What do you think. Sorry this is wrong, but I am trying not to let his selfishness get in the way of my dreams, yet, be sensitive to his needs and such in our marriage. Something I have come a long way on. I will give if it is valid, but his concerns don't really seem so.

Thanks for your advice!!!

Nancy

[AB092504]

I'm sorry he's being like that. I do understand though, my husband is not at all thrilled about the fact that I'll be super busy when I start clinicals and everything, but I keep reminding him that we'll be better off in the long run. I'll be making almost twice what I make now and I'll hopefully be happier doing that than what I'm doing now. And he's understanding about that.

It doesn't sound like he'll have the kids all that much longer once they both start school. You will need to study and he might need to step up, but he should be supportive of that. I'm sorry, I just feel that if you can't depend on your SO, who can you expect to get support from? You need to explain to him that this is what you REALLY want and ask that he support you in all that you do.

As far as him saying there's no flexibility, that's one of the things that's drawing me to this profession, the flexibility of different shifts, 8 hours or 12's..I think it's one of the most flexible careers out there and there are so many different paths you can choose. Unfortunately, no, I don't think you can go in to your shifts late, because other people will be depending on you to be there so that they can go home to their families, but you can just choose a shift that works for you...11AM-7PM maybe? or 3-11PM so you can be there for them in the morning?

I really do hope he comes around. I think as you said, he's afraid of the unknown and the $$ right now, but show him, where there's a will, there's a way, and you can succeed! Good luck!

[Luv2helpppl]

I did not imply that I would be late. He was just showing that I have so much flexibility and freedom at my current job.

I agree that there are so many options as far as shifts, jobs, and locations. This too is one of the reasons I am wanting to change.

I just need to have the courage to expect and accept the negative attitude from him and prove it to him. Only problem being is that the negativity wears thin. Thanks for your input.

Nancy

[Sandy_dfw]

I wish you the best of luck. It is going to be hard to go to nursing school

without family support but if it is what you really want to do then you

will find a way to make it work.

Good Luck

Sandy

[WantAccel.BSN, BSN, RN]

I understand what you mean about having a husband in a job where he makes easy money, but doesn't have to do much. My husband is a fine dining waiter, and makes around $45k/year. He generally "works" 6 hours or so a night, but only 4 or so of those hours are actual work. He wanted to be a history teacher, but the idea of dealing with a broken system and hostile parents, in addition to the pay-cut that he would take, made it more than difficult to garner the motivation to complete the necessary schooling.

Anywho, I think ultimately this is about your happiness. Yes, you are making good money now, which I can understand his hesitation about not wanting to give up. The reality is that this is a tough economy, and a lot of people are worried. I think it is important that you are 110% sure this is what you want to do before you plunge in any further. Are you really certain that this change is going to provide you with whatever you presently feel is missing from your life? If the answer is yes, then go for it. Don't look back. Do what you can to convince your husband. However, he should be able to see this for what it is (a change from a job that you feel less than emphatic about, to one that inspires you), and be supportive. But listen to his concerns, as they may well be legitimate ones. We are an individualistic society, but, in truth, marriage is about sacrifice and compromise.

Good luck in whatever you decide.