Flunk! Kerplunk!
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well, i've got three tries to get a blood pressure within plus/minus four, and today i failed my first try. amazing and depressing and embarrassing and terrifying.
yes, i flunked my blood pressure test today. it's really quite humiliating. i know i can take a blood pressure. i've been a cna for the last three years, and i take manual blood pressures quite often, and i know that they're accurate. i do fine using the teaching stethoscope with classmates and can hear everything quite well.
But with my teachers, i hear nothing except garble and everyone talking. It's so frustrating because i KNOW i can do it. i hear it fine all the time, but whenever an instructor is listening on the other end of the scope, i guess my ears fail. even when i don't FEEL particularly stressed or nervous, i never get it right with the teacher.
i am trying to stave off a panic attack, because if i fail nursing school because of some stupid three-week class like clinical skills lab, i will just have to roll over and die, i think!!!
i have no options left if nursing school doesn't work out. it's all i've wanted to do and have been working for for five years now.....and i feel like it's all slipping away on something as stupid as a *(*#(*@* blood pressure test.
every day i tell myself that i am going to succeed and be a great nurse. but everyday, nursing school tells me quite the opposite. every day i build myself up, and every day my experiences at school knock me down. i've had nursing supervisors, nurse managers, nurses, patients and other CNAs always tell me i'd be a great nurse.
but at school, so far i've done nothing but fail.
what do i do if i don't make it after three weeks in?
i've put so much time and SO much money and SO much of my life into this for the last several years, and i KNOW in my heart i can be a good nurse.....but so far i am a terrible nursing student.
i feel really hopeless tonight.