Flirty co-workers

Published

I'm a CNA (obviously), and as some of you here may know, I am also male. Currently, I am one of only two male CNAs at my facility. The other is dating a nurse, although she is not his supervisor. Anyway, the past few days, I've taken notice to something. The girls I work with are just now starting to get comfortable with me, and a few have started flirting a little. 4 in particular, to include 3 CNAs and 1 LPN. 2 of the 3 CNAs are married with kids. The other CNAs is completely single with a young child. So far it's just been innocent flirting from the CNAs. Smiles, pet-names, hugs, blown kisses, attempts at starting deep conversations, and a couple of times a quick pat on the rump. That was all fine, until today...

The LPN I mentioned started flirting with me today. I'll call her Susan (obvious name change, nothing close to her real name). She was talking to me yesterday and asked me if I was so-and-so's husband. I said no, that I was her ex-husband. She did the whole "Oh, I'm so sorry, when I saw y'all together, you seemed like you genuinely loved her" bull. I just kinda smiled politely and walked off, not wanting to relive painful memories. Today I get to work, and I'm put on a different hall than usual. This hall is mostly women, 95% of which will not let me care for them. Needless to say, I was spending a bit of time out in the hall. Susan was the hall nurse. She was smiling at me, staring at me, calling me over to talk to her, etc. To her credit, she didn't bring up my past relationship as I thought she would. However, about an hour into my shift, she comes out of a room, walks straight up to me, and hugs me. I was a bit uncomfortable with this (being as I do find myself physically attracted to her but don't want to poop where I eat, so to speak), so I backed away. She got the hint and let go. However, not ten minutes later, I'm standing just outside a resident's room, having just come out of the room next to it, when she comes out, looks up at me, and takes my hand in her's. I looked at her, at our hands, and then up the hall to see the charge nurse, Nicole (name changed), staring at what's going on. I withdraw my hand and walk away. Susan goes on about her work as if nothing has happened. She continues to stare at me, smile at me, call me over to her, etc. Everytime I go over to her, she's touching on my arm, touching my chest, etc. Nicole was apparently paying attention, as about halfway through our shift, right after meal trays were passed, she calls Susan to the desk. I was working lights during supper and was told to be somewhere else as Susan was walking towards the desk.

I don't know exactly what was said, but Alice (name changed), another LPN, told me that Nicole basically talked to Susan about inappropriate behaviors at work, not bringing up specifics. Soon after supper, I was assigned the task of being a rehab resident's personal sitter. That was fine with me, as it got me away from Susan, relieving the uncomfortable feelings I was experiencing. That was around 6. Around 8, the resident I was sitting decided it was bedtime. I was walking up to the nurse's desk to talk to Nicole when I overheard her talking to Brittney, one of the married CNAs that likes to flirt with me, about Susan's behavior. Brittney was livid. She was trying to keep her voice down, obviously, but was still talking loud enough for me to hear her from around the corner. She explained to Nicole that Susan needed to back off, that if anyone was going to flirt with me it was going to be her, if anyone there was going to get me to open up to them, it would be her. I slinked back towards the resident's room and started walking back towards the nurse's station on the side of the hall where Nicole could see me walking up there. She silences Brittney and I tell them the resident has gone to bed and that if he got back up, to call me. Brittney smiles at me and out of reflex I smiled back. I realized my mistake and walked back to my previously assigned hall. Susan continued to smile at me and stare at me, but didn't talk to me or come close enough to touch me. I sense that her conversation with Nicole sank in a little.

Now, I'm not a great looking guy or anything. I'm 6'4", overweight, kinda shy and awkward, and really NOT looking for anything like this at work. Don't get me wrong, the attention makes me feel good about myself, but it doesn't inflate my ego and it isn't something I'm craving. IF I was to meet any of these girls in public and they were all single, I would flirt back. But the fact is, we all work together, and I am NOT trying to get fired. The company doesn't particularly have a fraternization policy, but I know the administrator very well and know for a fact that she won't put up with it. I'm the newest hire on my shift, so if anyone were to be terminated for this behavior, it would be me. Or atleast I would hope it would be me. I know the two married CNAs are the bread winners in their families. But other than Brittney and Susan, I know for a fact that it's just a little harmless flirting with the other two. However, it is Brittney and Susan that I don't know how to deal with. I have tried making it clear that I'm not interested, but it doesn't seem to be working. I think they both know that I am attracted to them, despite how hard I have tried to hide it.

Now, my question. What should I do? How do I not-so-subtly let these two girls know that while I am flattered, I refuse to let anything happen with anyone I work with. I have even considered spreading the rumor that I'm gay. I mean, half the women up there think I am, anyway (why does a man have to be gay to want to be a nurse? Or is this just a southern thing?). I just don't know how well that'll go over if I start dating while I'm working there. It's a small town, everyone knows everything. Also, most of these girls know my ex, went to school with my ex, etc. For some reason, there seems to be this "If he made HER happy enough to marry him, he must be a helluva guy" attitude.

Specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.
Of course, on the other halls, the question on everyone's lips was who *I* was making advancements towards.

Hence my warning about not flirting back, even if you feel it's innocent. I say this with the utmost kindness...but because you are a man, you will be stereotyped: more often the not the male will be considered the "pursuer" or "initiator" in such matters. The fact that people are wondering who you were hitting on just goes to show that.

Doesn't matter how you look or think you may look. Doesn't matter how much you may swear you are innocent. It's easy for people to get the wrong idea with even innocent flirting. And sometimes even though it may be a she that's doing the hardcore flirting, you're likely the one that will be made out as the bad guy.

You need to be extra careful about how you act at work, especially given the work environment you are currently in.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Today went well. Susan wasn't there. The DON and Administrator had a follow-up sit-down with me today. Asked if things had improved, let me know that it will be a while before I work with Susan again, if ever. Atleast not directly under her. She's not being moved to a different shift, and I can't be moved to another shift due to my school schedule. They asked me again if I was planning on filing a complaint with anyone.

I did work with Brittney today. She did attempt to flirt with me and I had a little talk with her. I explained that while I am totally flattered that she would pick me to flirt with, I do not feel it is appropriate for this behavior to occur at work. She agreed and asked me for my number so we could text. I then had to explain that I am not comfortable with this behavior, at any point during the day, because we work together. She shyed away from me after that. She still worked along side of me, but wouldn't talk to me. I had forgotten what it was like to around a woman in total silence. LOL

Up Vote Up Vote ×

This discussion has opened my eyes greatly as a male nursing student. Our society is so driven by sexuality so much until it's made an issue in mostly everything when it involves opposite genders. I'm such a personal person so who ever I talk w/ I mostly make conversation to know them but wow this can be seen as flirting!!! I literally just had to let a classmate potentially walk home in the rain b/c I'm so tired of mixed or misinterpreted messages, rumors, etc...

Up Vote Up Vote ×

BrisonL: Yes, almost everything a male does can be misconstrued as flirting. That is why we have to be so careful in this field. Sexual harassment complaints have been filed for something as simple as a smile. Of course, for a person like me, that's hard to deal with. I am a typically happy person, especially at work (I LOVE my job), and tend to smile at everyone, be they residents, family members, co-workers, or even the DON and Administrator that everyone else seems to have such contempt for. I had a woman report me to the administrator a couple of weeks ago for "failing to change a wet brief" and within minutes of hearing about it, I was smiling at her as I checked the resident again. There was a long story there, but an LPN (not Susan, LOL) saved me because she helped me change the resident after the family member complained to her.

I was sick today (food poisoning), but had I gone in, I would have been working with both Brittney and Susan. This has gotten to the point that I am starting to dread going to work. I was so relieved when I started throwing up this morning. I couldn't even sleep last night because I was so worried about having to be around Susan today. I know that she has had her rear end handed to her on a silver platter over this. I'm so terrified she's going to retaliate against me. And unfortunately, Nicole has been offered a position at the local hospital, so she might be leaving soon. This leaves me no one I can really rely on to help me with this. None of the other nurses seem to think this behavior is a problem.

On a side note, I have started talking to someone (thank you best friend), so if I have to tell Susan that I'm talking to someone, I won't be lying. The girl I'm talking to is a licensed but unemployed RN. I just pray she doesn't decide that because I work at this particular LTC, she should, too. I don't care if we do evolve into a relationship, if she goes to work there, it's over.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Update time. For the most part, things have gotten quiet at work. But, there is a reason for that. Susan was flat out fired because she was caught, by the administrator, trying to get me to kiss her and using her hand to try to arouse me, with me telling her no and backing away the whole time. Enough said.

Brittney has been moved to another shift, where we won't be working together. I have worked the same hall as her for the past several nights and noticed her attitude towards me changed. Later that evening, I was made aware of her transfer. Their excuse was that while they hadn't caught her doing anything inappropriate (like Susan) to me, she was making it hard for me and some of the other girls we work with to get through our shift.

The other two girls that were flirting with me stopped after the inservice. Things got better because of their sudden lack of interest, even though I still get the puppy dog eyes when helping them. I never thought that changing an incontinent resident could be a romantic moment.

So things are working out. I never thought an LPN would be fired in favor of a CNA, but I guess when the administrator sees the behavior first hand, it puts things into perspective. Of course, this has made every other CNA and nurse weary of what they say/do around me. Nicole won't even look at me anymore, I'm guessing for fear of it being misconstrued. She's going through things of her own and is probably worried about how it will look if someone thinks she's flirting with me.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Complex pedi to LTC/SA & now a manager.

All I can say is wow..... Shows that having a postive reputation and being very clear about saying "No." can work to your advantage as evidenced by the nurse who continued to make advances and was caught. People have a hard time hiding their intentions and will show their true colors if given enough time. Fortunately for you the situation was witnessed by others. Hopefully "Susan" can get the professional help it seems that she truly needs.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.
Of course, this has made every other CNA and nurse weary of what they say/do around me. Nicole won't even look at me anymore, I'm guessing for fear of it being misconstrued. She's going through things of her own and is probably worried about how it will look if someone thinks she's flirting with me.

And given all of the drama that you have just been through, that may not necessarily be a bad thing. Always remember, at work your first priority should be work, not making friends. I'm not saying to be a total jerk to everyone...just remember that socializing is not what you are paid for. So be nice or at least neutral.

If you are fortunate enough to establish cordial relationships with your coworkers and even have a few become true friends, that is great. But work is what you are paid to do...and you've seen firsthand how socializing can easily go wrong and lead to trouble.

Glad it worked out for you.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Don't do it.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
So be nice or at least neutral.

If you are fortunate enough to establish cordial relationships with your coworkers and even have a few become true friends, that is great. But work is what you are paid to do...and you've seen firsthand how socializing can easily go wrong and lead to trouble.

I seriously doubt I will every establish any kind of friendship with anyone I work with. I've been there, done that, got the divorce papers and daughter to prove it.

I came to a realization tonight while I was somewhere other than work. All of these flirty girls have kids. They have seen what they are capable of making with other guys. However, they have also all seen what I am capable of making. Everyone always compliments me on how cute my kids are. Susan babysat my daughter before coming to work at this LTC. Brittney has seen me multiple times in WalMart with my kids. Is there a chance that, just like my daughter's mother (admittedly), they were only interested in me in order to have a kid by me?

Now the reason I came to this realization. I was hanging out with a friend tonight, out of town, at his place of business. I have been there multiple times, and all of his employees have met my kids. One of female employees, a very beautiful woman, asked me if I wanted to hang out after she got off. I said sure, not being one to pass up a chance to be seen out on the town with a woman this gorgeous. My friend pulled me into his office about 15 minutes later and explained to me that she had been telling her friends up there that she wanted to "get to know" me in order to have a kid by me. That was all she wanted from me. She wanted me to be a sperm donor without the headache of going through a fertility clinic.

Maybe I'm over thinking it. But maybe I'm not. I'm not going to out and say that's the only reason, but in the back of my mind, I can't help but wonder. I know I have cute kids. My daughter has won five "little miss" titles. My son has won two "little mister" titles. Luckily, neither of them are being put through pagents anymore, but that's my fault.

It's late, I've been alone way too long today, and I'm tired. This is where my mind leads me when I have days like today.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Maybe your ex told them you were well endowed or something along those lines and that's why they were *literally* on your junk. :roflmao: I crack myself up. Anyway, glad your situation was resolved! I also applaud you for your willpower. Most men I know are complete dogs and would've totally taken advantage of that situation.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Maybe your ex told them you were well endowed or something along those lines and that's why they were *literally* on your junk. :roflmao: I crack myself up. Anyway, glad your situation was resolved! I also applaud you for your willpower. Most men I know are complete dogs and would've totally taken advantage of that situation.

My ex has nothing nice to say about me, so I doubt that. She swears the only good thing I ever gave her was our daughter. Nevermind the rebuilt, Stroker-engined, track-capable '87 Camaro that was her dad's that I bought back and built up as my wedding present to her. Nevermind the one carat flawless diamond I bought her the day she found out she was pregnant. Nevermind a lot of stuff.

As far as will power, yes, I have quite a bit. I wasn't raised to be a dirty dog. I was raised to be a gentleman. I was raised to be chivalrous. Just like being at my friend's place of business. It is a tattoo shop and I was getting work done by one of the female artists (not the one that was hitting on me). She was a bit of a short girl with short arms, and where I was getting the work done caused her to have to be very close to me. I was sitting there with my palm facing up when I felt something in my hand. It felt oddly familiar, so I looked and I was touching her inappropriately. I blushed as red as a Coke can and withdrew my hand as quickly as I could. When I apologized, she said it wasn't that big of a deal, but that she appreciated my being a gentleman about it, where as most other guys that had been in a similar situation had actually started squeezing.

And sometimes it amazes me that I am still single...

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I'm sorry your ex acts that way. That's a shame. It sounds like you're probably better off with out her.

I'm glad you were raised to be a gentleman. Unfortunately that seems to be lacking in our society today. We need more guys like you! I think you're still single because you seem to have high standards, which you should. A seemingly charming gentleman such are you should never settle. You're waiting for the right girl, I hope you find her! Also, good luck with work!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion