It just hit me.

  1. Tonight, I started going through my binder of self-study chemotherapy training. In a matter of months, I will be certified and administering chemo on my own. I will be helping to arrange for hospice care after the decision has been made to discontinue treatment. I will get to know patients and then watch some of them slowly deteriorate. These patients will not be alone - there will be family members to educate and comfort as well. The stages of grief will be starring in a traveling circus of admissions and discharges.

    Of course, there will be happy times. Sometimes. There will be days when it is worth it, and days when I will feel my heart burst with joy for a patient's successful outcome.

    I think it's because I just realized how much I don't know. I know realistically that I will be ok, that I will grow and learn and improve. I know that these are normal feelings for a new grad.

    But right now, I'm scared. Excited, hopeful, and proud. But still...very scared.
  2. Visit decembergrad2011 profile page

    About decembergrad2011, BSN, RN

    Joined: Oct '10; Posts: 479; Likes: 770
    Nurse; from US
    Specialty: 5 year(s) of experience in Oncology


  3. by   nursel56
    It's OK to be scared. Maybe it's better that you are. Oncology is so unique, but it's one area where you have a chance to really impact the lives of cancer patients through your personality. I think you will be great.