Tonight, I started going through my binder of self-study chemotherapy training. In a matter of months, I will be certified and administering chemo on my own. I will be helping to arrange for hospice care after the decision has been made to discontinue treatment. I will get to know patients and then watch some of them slowly deteriorate. These patients will not be alone - there will be family members to educate and comfort as well. The stages of grief will be starring in a traveling circus of admissions and discharges.
Of course, there will be happy times. Sometimes. There will be days when it is worth it, and days when I will feel my heart burst with joy for a patient's successful outcome.
I think it's because I just realized how much I don't know. I know realistically that I will be ok, that I will grow and learn and improve. I know that these are normal feelings for a new grad.
But right now, I'm scared. Excited, hopeful, and proud. But still...very scared.
Jul 18, '12
It's OK to be scared. Maybe it's better that you are. Oncology is so unique, but it's one area where you have a chance to really impact the lives of cancer patients through your personality. I think you will be great.