How do I overcome shyness?

Nurses New Nurse

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Im on my first nursing job in an acute setting, 1 month off orientation. Ive been told constantly, over and over again, almost being harassed by my filipino superior to be 'more aggressive' because I am embarassing filipino nurses by being shy. In terms of my patient care needs, I have no problems talking to doctors, nursing assistants, sw's , therapists and what not. The way I talk may not be ideal way but I get things done in a fairly timely manner. Nobody has ever compalined yet that I didnt communicate impt pt info to other healthcare personel. I do delegate whenver I feel I need to. The only thing that I feel I lack communication is if I have to socialize with other people. I try to be nice and be friendly and smile but I'm usually caught up getting my job done in time and correctly that I dont have the time, the energy or the right mood to joke around. So apparently its a big thing to any workplace. And I realize that this is important too to get along with other people. I've always been uncomfortable around other people. I will only open my mouth if its absolutely necessary to. So what if I'm shy my whole life, how do I change myself to an outgoing, charismatic person overnight? Can it be done? At this point I'm ready to do everything just so the supervisor can stop riding off my back.

Specializes in Hospice, Med/Surg, ICU, ER.
Im on my first nursing job in an acute setting, 1 month off orientation. Ive been told constantly, over and over again, almost being harassed by my filipino superior to be 'more aggressive' because I am embarassing filipino nurses by being shy. In terms of my patient care needs, I have no problems talking to doctors, nursing assistants, sw's , therapists and what not. The way I talk may not be ideal way but I get things done in a fairly timely manner. Nobody has ever compalined yet that I didnt communicate impt pt info to other healthcare personel. I do delegate whenver I feel I need to. The only thing that I feel I lack communication is if I have to socialize with other people. I try to be nice and be friendly and smile but I'm usually caught up getting my job done in time and correctly that I dont have the time, the energy or the right mood to joke around. So apparently its a big thing to any workplace. And I realize that this is important too to get along with other people. I've always been uncomfortable around other people. I will only open my mouth if its absolutely necessary to. So what if I'm shy my whole life, how do I change myself to an outgoing, charismatic person overnight? Can it be done? At this point I'm ready to do everything just so the supervisor can stop riding off my back.

In the final analysis, the only person you can ever truly be is yourself. You can no more change your natural attitudes/behaviors overnight than a leopard can change its spots.

If I understand you correctly, your communications issues are r/t idle chit-chat with your coworkers? NOT therapeutic communications with your pts or other healthcare team members?

If this is the case, then I am exactly the same way. I have very little time ti schmooze around with coworkers, etc. I am too busy handling the duties of my job.

You can, give some time and practice learn to be a little more outgoing and socially relaxed. To do so, you'll need to identify exactly what about the situation turns you off or brings on shyness. Once those things are explored, maybe you can find some specific techniques to overcome it.

Best of luck to you.

I feel the same as you...If I'm not mistaken...you're Filipino as well....Well, I am and just like you there are times that I feel shy and I feel like I don't belong with the group of people I work with....Patient care wise, I make sure I get my job done first before socializing with my coworkers. If I feel that my time with my patient is more impt than pleasing my coworkers by socializing with them. When time permits, I do sit down and chat with them (well, I must say it also depends on who my co workers are)....And hmnnnnnnn....and I alos noticed that I like it better socializing with non Filipinos than my coFilipinos.....I don't know but I just noticed that Filipinos tend to be more harsh especially if they have been in the business for quite a while....

I wish I had some meaningful words of wisdom to help you but I do not. I did watch a special on TV about shyness in children and what they experts say is that shyness is a means of handling stressful situations. Take a look at why you cannot talk to others and then take small steps to overcome that fear. Take one step at a time. One day set a goal of making eye contact with everyone you see and the next day make eye contact and say hello. Eventually you will get more comfortable with the niceties of socializing and will be able to transition into greater conversations. If all else fails you can turn it into a game of trying out a new personality until you find a comfortable style of communicating. One of the best things about having a career is that we are not stuck in the personas that we and our families have become comfortable with.

I think confidence in what you are doing will help with your shyness!!!

Like said above, be yourself! if you are happy with yourself inside, that is what matters....

If you are not happy with the way you are, go on a womans retreat, a self powering retreat, or something, and get connected with yourself a for a few days to reflect on the major steps you have made in your life..... :)

Perhaps you can find some kind of a local support group. In a setting with other people who are like you, it can sometimes be less intimating to interact and become more comfortable with others. You can build confidence in yourself and that you're okay even if you aren't as gregarious as others. Then, even if you choose to not interact socially, your self confidence will show to others and people will be less likely to label you "shy" (which is usually associated with behaviors such as looking down, talking softly with hesitation, etc). Perhaps you feel defensive about being shy because you feel that in some areas you do need to be more outgoing, and maybe there is some truth in it, maybe not. We're all works in progress. You're right that it's perfectly fine to be a more introverted person. There's no need for you to be more social with your co-workers as long as you are polite and respectful. If you decide that, in fact, you are "too shy" in certain areas and want to work on it, know that you're doing it for yourself, not to fit in with your co-workers. We're all works in progress. Good luck to you!

Do you want to overcome shyness because you secretly long to speak to others more? If so, ask people lots of questions about themselves, such as: Do you have kids? That's a pretty cool technique, how did you do that? Can you teach me? Where is a good place to eat? Do you have any pets? Where did you go to school? - If you give people the opportunity to tell you all about themselves they will think your the nicest, most charming conversationalist in the world.

Do you want to overcome shyness because you secretly want to gain other peoples approval? If so, don't worry about it. You're not here on this planet to worry about what other people think of your life. You say you have no problems talking business with others, so therefore you are communicating just fine. If someone has a problem with you being reserved, then that's where YOUR problem ends, and THEIR problem begins.

Maybe you're not shy. Maybe you're just quiet. I am. I'll talk when I feel like it.

If you decide to go the "strong but silent" path, like I have, I do have one word of advice though. Occasionally remember to thank and compliment people. Many people in the world lose it when they can't gauge whether you approve of them or not. Help the Chatty Kathy's out by telling them that "You're OK - I'm OK".

I know this is an old subject..but in response to benette...I hope you are finding a way to overcome your shyness at work.

I am currently experiencing a similiar situation at work in a NICU with 140 nurses, many come and go constantly. I am a quiet person, not shy. At work, I am very busy focusing on my patients and their families. I have socialized on occasion, however, many nurses who I have not spoke with have taken it upon themselves to talk about me saying that I never talk and purposely do things to see if they can get a response from me, or ask me personal questions and then turn back to their friends stating "see, I can get her to talk". This is very frustrating to work with people like this. I can only encourage you to be yourself and not feel that you need to change who you are just because coworkers don't like that you don't waste time with them in socializing when the time is better spent with the patients and their families...after all, that is what we went to school, and were hired to do.....

yeah,, just be your self... go with the sponteinity of the things in your mind.. and ask your co-worker to comment about you idea..anything that comes into your mind.. just stay in the track.. if they talk about love, then tell your experience, anything that you know about love. socializing is just sharing lives.. share your self by communicating with other people so that they can understand you whenever you are in silent of when you are happy....thats life... life goes on..hehehe

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