Feeling lost and conflicted after my switch to L&D

[TarheelGirlx3]

Hello everyone,

You may or may not have seen my previous post about not really enjoying bedside L&D nursing. In fact, I almost dread going to work every single night. This is a long post, so hang with me!

Backstory: I started working in a coronary ICU out of nursing school in the summer of 2015, but had always planned to do CNM as that was my first love. I started a CNM program online in January 2016. In September 2016 I started a job in L&D at a different hospital (spent a few weeks orienting in mother/baby, then started L&D orientation). Right before Thanksgiving that year I went back to my old job because this particular hospital felt super unsafe to me, so much so that I was worried about keeping my nursing license! This hospital had CNMs that acted like MEDwives, and that combined with the toxic environment made me panic and think CNM wasn't right for me after all. I withdrew from the CNM program in September 2016 before returning to my old job. While I do love women's health, I enjoy the critical care environment as well. In January 2018 I started a combined FNP/adult-gero acute care program at a different university. My logic was that I could work in women's health with the FNP component and work within the ICU with the acute care portion, whichever way I decided to go. This particular school made you arrange your own clinical preceptors (I was struggling with that terribly!). I still couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to work in L&D. I felt like I owed it to myself to try L&D in a better work environment. I had always heard wonderful things about nurse satisfaction in my hospital's L&D dept. I applied to an opening at my hospital (openings in L&D are rare here!). To my surprise, I was offered the position! I accepted and transferred to L&D the 1st of June. Similar to other programs, I spent the first month orienting in mother/baby, then moved to L&D orientation. I withdrew from the FNP/AGACP program after completing the first semester after accepting the L&D position.

I have been off orientation for 4 weeks now. I am currently re-enrolled in the same CNM program that I previously withdrew from (still in core courses, specialty ones start next semester). I am super passionate about women's health and would love to educate and empower women about their own bodies. I love learning everything I can about it. But there is something about working bedside L&D nursing that is really dragging me down. Frankly, I miss taking care of sick people. I miss the minute to minute critical thinking of ICU. I am not discounting the quick, on your feet thinking that is required of L&D nurses, because you do need that skill. It just seems like it occurs less often in the labor setting.

I realize I am a hot mess with all this switching around....my poor fiance has been so patient and understanding! But I don't want to keep jumping back and forth...as you all know grad school is expensive! Having a family is expensive! I am just so lost because I am getting the feeling that my passion is not translating into job satisfaction. Maybe I'm not meant to work as an APRN in women's health. Thoughts anyone? Has anyone gone through something similar in their career?

[klone, MSN, RN]

Maybe what you want is WHNP

[RNNPICU, BSN, RN]

It sounds like transitions may be hard for you. Give yourself time on the L&D unit. Try thinking about your new unit with a different mindset. You can't compare ICU to L&D. They are just two different specialties. You will see "sick" people sometime. It doesn't sound like you have been there that long, and it might just be needing sometime to adjust to the new setting. If there are few openings on the unit, that means that staff may really enjoy working there, see what it is about it that makes staff want to stay.

Also, giver yourself some credit, new job, school, engaged. Those are huge life changers. Find a day that you can do something nice for yourself. Don't try to compare things that can't be compared. Balancing school and work are difficult.

Hang in there. Let yourself just have time to absorb the changes going on. :)