Feeling like I'll never be a good nurse...is there any hope for me?

[nurseazy]

I graduated from a BSN school in June 2015, and since then, I've been through 2 jobs.

My first job was at a big well known hospital. I got hired into their new grad program, but was placed on day shift on the busiest floor of the hospital (MS/Tele/Onc). Their training program was about 3 months, but I didn't think it was long enough for me. On my first month on my own, I was incredibly stressed and overwhelmed. Ultimately, I made a pretty big mistake (MD ordered to D/C Lasix drip. Acknowledged the order but didn't do it) It ran overnight and when the MD rounded the next morning, she was furious. Luckilly the patient did not die. I damaged his kidney function, but he was already very sick to begin with. I also had a needle-stick accident. My manager was questioning my ability to be a safe nurse, so she placed me back on orientation for about another month. But I did not improve enough, so they gave me the option to resign or to be terminated. I elected to resign. All of my coworkers though that placing me as a new grad on my unit was a bad idea to begin with.

I was able to find another job in about a month. This time it was in a clinic. This was more of a case management role, in which I manage client cases. They initially started off training me pretty well, but things went to hell when staff members went on medical/stress leave. 2 nurses went on stress leave and 1 quit. My manager and the remaining staff started handling the rest of the cases. I believe training us got put on the backburner, and damage control became the priority. I was still assigned to a nurse, and tried to help her and learn along the way. But all the other nurses were on edge with the additional caseload, and I believe it compromised my training. My nurse tried to help me, but with her additional caseload, it was difficult for her. Everyone had been putting in extra hours to compensate for the increased workload, including me. For the past month, I had been averaging 100 hours per pay cycle. Because there was still a lot of things I didn't know, I ended up making quite a few mistakes (which my team leader told me was okay. She told me to not be afraid to make mistakes because that is how we learn, and be more confident and independent). The turning point is where I compromised a client's case because I did not know that after surgery, the patient had to start taking certain medications. The patient did not get her medications, and it messed up her case. She was trying to have a baby and was on a time crunch. My mistake delayed her potential to have a baby right away. I realized my mistake when my nurse was going over another similar case with me. As soon as I realized it, I reported it to my nurse. I took responsibility for it and owned up to it. Naturally, my nurse was very upset. She reported it to the manager, who reported it to the higher ups. As soon as I saw an HR Rep, I knew that I was done. They terminated me. My manager and team lead told me that they fought to keep me as hard as she could, but they could not save me. They also told me that if I ever needed a reference, I could use them, because they believe I'm really smart and will be a wonderful nurse, once I find my niche. I know I did the right thing by reporting my error. I know that if I waited, the situation would be much worse. Is this job even worth including in my resume?

I feel incredibly disheartened right now. I was only at the clinic for about 2 months, and got terminated so fast. I was only at the hospital for about 6 months before that. I'm starting to question whether or not I can be a good nurse. I havent been in a hospital setting for a while, and am worried that nobody will hire me because I don't have a year of experience, and am worried about repeating the same mistakes I made in my previous jobs. What do I do?

[oceanblue52]

It's good that you acknowledged your mistakes, that is one of the most important traits to being a safe nurse. It sounds like the hospital was too hectic for you and that the clinic did not give you sufficient orientation. If you were not trained ahead of time to know that this particular type of surgery requires a medication protocol, that is not your fault. I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time, I too am am a recent new grad and there is so much to learn and we are bound to make mistakes. It's unfortunate that you didn't have the support you needed at the second job.

That said and done, take a deep breath and step back. You are not a bad nurse, you just need to find a job that is a little less rushed and that will give you sufficient support. What about home health or Psych? Hopefully some other posters will have some suggestions. You will get through this. *hugs*

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

It seems as though you have had a string of jobs that were WAY over your head; you had Tele/Onc (pretty challenging), then to Case Management (a position that usually requires 5 plus years experience by the way).

with your experience you may have to take a HUGE step back and go back to the basics while honing your skills to be prepared in high pressure settings-post acute or LTC. When I did not do well in Critical Care, I reviewed my mistakes, saw what I needed to improve, and went into LTC as a head charge nurse and gained confidence in assessing without monitors, cemented my prioritization and delegation; successfully handled challenging personalities from peers, patients and their families, where I earned respect; I went from LTC/Sub-Acute to Post-Acute and proved myself to be knowledgable and was a shift supervisor there and went back into the hospital at a Level I trauma Pediatric ED, where I have been for 18 months and have no plans on leaving.

Hone those basics, the work your way up; learn the three Cs that I believe is essential to becoming an expert nurse:compentcy, consistentcy, confidence-master competency consistently and confidence in your nursing practice will follow-you will know how to advocat for our practice, your patients and your peers.

Best wishes.

[HeySis, BSN, RN]

with your experience you may have to take a HUGE step back and go back to the basics while honing your skills to be prepared in high pressure settings-post acute or LTC. ...... assessing without monitors, cemented my prioritization and delegation; successfully handled challenging personalities from peers, patients and their families,

I would add that you also get a lot of practice speaking with MD's and carrying out orders, so these interactions are not nerve wracking, but everyday conversations.

I would try LTC, don't expect a lot of training or support in home health. They like to have people with acute care experience because you are there by yourself, no backup that can give a second opinion or help you out.

While I like home health, and I have seen some new grads do well, it's the exception, not the rule and requires a huge commitment from your employer, most of whom are strapped to have the licensed body out there and most of training comes in form of the regulations and paperwork, not nursing skills.

[nurseazy]

I'm definately considering LTC places. I have received a few calls inquiring about my experience, but once I tell them I do not have a year, they dismiss me. Since I have not been working in a hospital setting for a while, is that also why I have not been getting phone calls?