feeling like a failure (kinda long)

Specialties Emergency

Published

I have been a nurse for almost 7 years with most of my experience being in med-surg, just spent the last year in ER. I started on night shift and begged to be put on days. My wish came true, but that is were my problems started. I have never been a great charter and will admit to that, but it seems like the teamleader on day shift found things in my charts just to have something to nit pick me about on several occasions. Never had that problem when I worked nights. Only about 2% of the ER staff is my age (I am 40). In the last 3 months I had seen them weed out 2 great nurses that were approximately my age. Well my final straw was a couple of weeks ago. Had pt admitted with CP. After I got back from lunch, I quickly ran into room to assess him and he adimitly denied any current CP, said he had experienced some earlier that morning, but pain free now. Wanted to come in just to get checked out. I walked out of his room and my other two pt's needed me immediately so I put in some quick labs on CP pt for lab to draw including cardiac enzymes, also CXR. Did not start IV access before I left room. Saw my other two pt's and went back into CP pt room, MD was also in room and he was ****** becuase I had not started line and started running cardiac points of care. Was not pleased that I had ordered them through lab. Well, guess what? Troponin 2.3 and this was found out an hour after his placement in room. All the while pt denying any CP/discomfort or SOB. Vitals-WNL. This indeed was the final straw, I was given my final/only written notice and told to stay home next day w/o pay. Needless to say this pt went straight to cath lab.

I left there sooooo upset!! My first write up in 7 years of nursing, but it was made clear to me if I made one more error, no matter how big or small, I would be immediately terminated. I know I made a mistake by not starting IV and getting labs going , but only things ever discussed with me before that time was my poor charting. I did good just to keep up the pace some days, much less write a book. I chart to exception and always have!

I felt the whole time I worked day shift, I was being isolated from group. Never fit in and hardly ever spoken to. I had heart cath at hosp I worked, came through ER I worked, stayed inpatient for 3 days and not once did anyone, including nurse manager, come to see me or even call me to see how I was doing. May seem nit picky to some, but if roles were reversed I would at least have checked on my employee, especially if they were only 2 floors up.

I feel as though they just wanted me gone, so when he handed me the notice, I went home and typed up my resignation letter-effective immediately due to medical reasons. Since after heart cath, I have been battling an extremely painful case of hemorrhagic cystitis. I was ****** and hurt at the time, but now feeling really bad about handling my resignation that way. I know, I know, I am sure I burned that bridge! Didn't figure I would get chance to transfer to another part of hospital, since my notice would stick out like sore thumb in my employee file.

Needless to say I am feeling rotten about the whole situation, even a month later. I have never felt like a bad nurse, but definitely do now! My self confidence is crushed. Should I go try to talk to CNO or just leave it alone. My mother-in-law is well known at this hospital, she worked there 40 years, so I feel even worse because of that.

I am just sooo bummed out right now and no one in my immediate family understands! Not sure I will ever get my confidence back and that worries me!!! Thanks for reading all my rambling on and feel free to tell it like it is!! I can't be any lower than I am now!!

Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

Some ERs can be toxic work places. I don't have great words of wisdom, just keep your head up and move on.

BTW needing a heart cath at 40 might be a sign to slow down a little.

Yea, it was very clicky and I just never felt as though I fit in with anyone! I just feel bad about leaving without notice. I just couldn't take it anymore!! Leaving like that is NOT my style. I feel as though I need to go and talk with CNO, who BTW is friends with my mother-in-law and explain situation to her. May do no good as far as having burned my bridge!

As far as heart cath goes, my grandfather died at age 38 with MI, my dad had MI at 32 and died at 54 with CAD, my brother is 32 and already had to have cath wth stent placement x 2. We have familial dyslipidemia and even on meds, my cholesterol has never been below 300. We are average sized people and no other real risk factors, but my cardiologist says our diagnosis is all we need to put us at an extremely high risk of having MI at early age. I went in with CP and ended up in cath lab the next day. 30+% blockage and he said my high stress job was definitely NOT helping the situation!!

Specializes in ER.

I gotta be really honest here...certain patient complaints require an iv whenever they report to the ER. This includes chest pain, seizures, withdrawals, just to name a few. Its important that you understand the concepts that are at work here.

The point is to identify which patients may or may not become unstable, not to decide who is stable right now.

It does sound like your unit sucks up energy. Try another unit before you give up and keep on working on picking up some of those area specific tricks of the trade.

I agree vicedrn! I just dropped the ball on the whole deal. I want to do everything anyone needs, right then, guess I just suck at prioritizing!! I knew I had screwed up the second lab called with the elevated troponin. Really, I knew it was bad call to delay IV start before then. Lesson learned!!!

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