So I was able to get a temp job working in med. records doing chart audits since my hospital hr wasn't able to place me anywhere else due to staffing issues and me having a narc restriction. so the job is basically me in my little cubicle for 8 hours a day and its the same pay as when i was a nurse in the er but its so boring. anyways, i get nervous every day that i will run into someone either comming into work or leaving and also during my lunch. I will not venture to the caf. during lunch because it's too busy so I usually go to the library and read or stay at my desk and surf the web. I know running into a co-worker wouldn't be be the end of the world and i wouldn't have to dish out the drama--keep it simple right--but i always am nervous about this.
So today I am getting on the elevator to go from the library back to the basement to return to work and an old co-worker gets on too. Now I know he knows everything because he was the charge rn the day I came in and was suspended and I was able to have my friend/co-worker drive me home (since I still had drugs in my system) and so he knew that he was leaving the dept to give me a ride home. plus the charge peeps had to know about me incase i went postal--hehe. so this guy is always nice and fun to work with but it was just weird because he knew and i knew he knew. he just asked me what work i was doing and i told him it was just temp and then i dunno. he told me to come back and the tone of his voice told me that i am missed and i was one of the hard workers in the er (and there were few of us, alot of slow slackers). i told him it was good to see him and then that was it. I was totally ok with seeing him but then hearing that i should come back---wow. tears filled my eyes and i just held it in and went to my desk and took some calming breaths.
just needed to let this out. i was surprised that it hit me like it did.
Specializes in Home Care, Primary care NP, QI, Nsg Adm.
You got over an important stuck point, now your catecholimine levels can go down and you will move on from this 'milestone'. Don't worry now what area to work in...that will just create another issue to have anxiety over. Continue upwards and onwards...
We are soooo hard on ourselves. After I was fired from a job, not for diverting drugs, but for writing my own prescriptions, I could have just rolled over and died. I live in a small town, so I knew that everyone knew, and that I would not be able to find another job. Never mind the legal fees, probation, etc. I have been an addict for many years and relapsed after 3 yrs. of recovery after having alot of dental work done. Had never been in trouble before and have worked in the medical profession (in an O.R. setting) for over 20 years. I am just saying this to say, Sassy, that we berate ourselves much more than anyone else. When I got fired (actually asked to resign) I checked myself into treatment and called a lawyer, but the surprise was that while I was in treatment I got phone call after phone call from my co workers telling me that they were there for me (even from a couple of the docs that I worked with). Some just said that they didn't know what had happened and they didn't care; they just wanted me to get better. It was very humbling to realize that these people really cared about my well being and did not hate me for what I had done.
Give yourself a break and take this time to concentrate on your recovery. I can assure you that things will start to look better on down the road if you stay active in recovery and connected to people who are in the same boat as you.
Saifudin
234 Posts
You got over an important stuck point, now your catecholimine levels can go down and you will move on from this 'milestone'. Don't worry now what area to work in...that will just create another issue to have anxiety over. Continue upwards and onwards...
saifudin