fatigue and burn out

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Hi all. I'm a SRNA starting my third rotation in an integrated program. I realize that it is still relatively early in the program, and that this is a touchy subject, but I've been questioning my choice to pursue anesthesia. I could use some advice from those who are practicing or in school. I'm doing well in my classes and clinical, and I'm trying my best to take care of myself. I've been sleeping at least 7 hours a night, exercising daily, and eating healthy. Still, I feel completely exhausted every day after clinical, sometimes ill, and constantly anxious. I am very hard working, but my body has never allowed me to forgo rest and self care and just go full speed ahead without crashing. I've always needed sleep, exercise, and a healthy diet to function well. The pressure to sacrifice more time and more energy is starting to burn me out. In addition, I'm terrified of causing harm to my patients, either during or after school, due to fatigue or incompetence. I've had nothing but good evaluations, but I'm worried that my energy level and mental capacity is not adequate for the responsibility of this profession. I have a good mind for science and very good clinical skills (intubations, lines, etc.) but I'm not sure if that is enough to cut it, and my real strengths have always been in my character and compassion for others. I'm having a hard time finding my place in the operating room, which is really not a supportive environment, and really could care less about what type of person you are as long as you keep the patient alive. I shadowed pretty extensively before applying to school, but I'm afraid that I viewed things things through rose colored glasses and was a fly on the wall. My perspective has certainly changed now that I am in the driver's seat. I show up prepared with a positive attitude every day, but I'm feeling very discouraged. I really apologize for this long and self absorbed storyline, and I anticipate that some will tell me to suck it up, but I'm really concerned about my patient's safety and my own health/job satisfaction/sanity in the long run. Is this just my distorted perspective as a student, do other people feel this way, or was I really not cut out for this profession? It's hard for me to tell, because I've never experienced what's on the other side of the tunnel. Any input or advice would be greatly appreciated, even if it's brutally honest. Thanks everyone.

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Specializes in SICU.

It sounds like you've got two things that are really making you have these feelings.

1) Anxiety in general. It sounds like you've got a lot of anxiety about making a mistake and causing harm. A small amount of that is good and healthy, but too much can be crippling and keep you from experiencing any joy. It sounds like you are too anxious about these things, especially since you are getting great marks from your teachers and preceptors. Is your level of anxiety legitimate?

2) You say you're having trouble finding your place in the OR. This could be for lots of reasons. If you don't feel like a master at what you're doing, that can be discouraging and fatiguing. Constantly having to double check yourself or ask questions is tiring in general. This is what they talk about when they say expert to novice syndrome. You were an expert in the ICU and now you're getting kicked around like a wet dog in the OR lol. This will change with time.

Here's a question. Are there any moments in the OR that you get really excited or happy about? Are there some moments that put energy into you rather than take it from you?

There is a reason you chose to go into this profession. Don't let yourself get depressed. You've gotta keep fighting and keep moving forward, no matter if you feel like it or not. This is why people say anesthesia school is the hardest thing they've ever done. Your discouragement is not unique. I wish you the best and encourage you, don't give up!

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Specializes in Gerontology RN-BC and FNP MSN student.

I'm not in anesthesia school. But I am in intense summer school right now. And I was glad to read someone else is experiencing fatigue and burnout too. So you are not alone. I've worked for years to get this far. In school and want it more than anything, but I'm having migraines and feeling sheer exhaustion after classes and clinicals. I pray and hope it goes fast and I absorb it and come out of the yuck feeling. Good luck.

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Mully, thank you so much for the insightful comments. I'm usually an energetic and positive person, and when I'm working in an OR with people who love what they do and are respectful and helpful to each other, I definitely feel way more optimistic about things. Unfortunately, those days seem few and far between. I've been experiencing a lot of negativity lately. Not always directed at me personally, but just miserable people, sometimes the entire room. Combine that with the constant "foggy" feeling that I have from being up at 4am and it turns into a day that is really not enjoyable. I am still clinging to the hope that I will work in a facility with a positive attitude after graduation, but I can't help wondering if I should choose a different avenue, as I find hostility and negativity from others (surgeons, anesthesiologists, CRNAs) to be very draining.

I am a naturally anxious person, but I am able to maintain a calm demeanor during my job, even when I feel really unpleasant. I just tend to obsess about things after they happen or worry about scenarios that could happen. I am in a very competitive program and they push us really hard. I was told I should be studying 50 hours a week, in addition to class and clinical, all day, 5 days a week. We are also assigned hundreds of pages of reading from multiple different textbooks. I study a lot, but I'm a "slow studier/reader" and I don't think it is even possible to do what they're asking, even if I studied nonstop 24/7. So no matter what I do, I feel like it is never enough because that's what I'm told, and I worry that I'm failing my future patients or setting myself up for incompetence. I always take time to work out or see my family for a little every week. I know that I can't care for others if I don't care for myself, but I still always feel guilty and stressed about it. I'm not sure if this is something that I just need to get over, or if I am simply not built to handle this kind of workload. I'm working so hard already, I think I would go crazy if I tried to do what they're asking of me, but I trust that they know what is necessary to succeed because they are very knowledgable and great clinicians.

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HappyWife77, I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time, but it's good to know that I'm not the only one who is dealing with the exhaustion of school. Nurses are such hard workers and we always seem to put our own needs last. I hope that it goes quickly for you, and that you are able to take some time for self care, be it a spa day or just taking a break to take a walk outside. I can definitely relate!

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Specializes in Gerontology RN-BC and FNP MSN student.

Thanks Ali! God Bless?

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Crna school is the hardest thing I have ever done, and I am a Phd student now. The training is very stressful, just know it gets easier, especially when you can choose where to work. Stick with it, and know it will pass. I hard a very hard time adjusting to the time demands and unpleasant preceptors who liked to teach through intimidation.

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@Ali22 about 8 years later since you wrote your post. What are you doing now? Did you continue CRNA school or pursue a different path? Curious as I am in my first semester of CRNA school now and I can relate to pieces of your post.

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