so i've been fat for pretty much my whole life. I've also had jobs my whole life that require running around and keeping up. I worked with kids for many years and then I went to school to be a Medical Assistant about 10 years ago and have worked in a busy office since then. I've never had any issues with keeping up.
A few years ago I decided to try to lose weight and managed to drop about 50lbs with strict strict strict calorie counting. it completely consumed me, but it paid off. However, I have gained it back, plus about 10lbs.
So I'm now the fattest I've ever been, and I'm in nursing school.
I'm going to an accelerated LPN program at night and I work full time.
I hoped that being so crazy busy would lead to a drop in weight, but actually those last 10 pounds crept on since i started back in august.
my issue is that i've never really hated myself or my weight, but i do lately. i think horrible horrible things about my body that i would never think about someone else's body. i would never EVER treat my patients the way i treat myself.
we started a very difficult rotation last night, and instead of being worried about my skills or what i should study up on, i found myself fixating on the logisitics of being fat. what if i couldn't keep up with everyone on the long walk to the site? (i could.) What if the chairs in the orientation room were too small? (they weren't.) What if I knock something over when I'm trying to squeeze in somewhere? (i didn't.) What if I can't keep up and the clinical instructor tells me I'm too fat to be a nurse? (she didn't.)
I HATE that this is taking up so much of my mental space. I was waiting and waiting for someone to post the picture of all of us that was taken last night because I am so proud of starting this rotation, but all I can fixate on is how fat I look in the picture.
I am doing great in school. I am acing my classes. I am acing my evaluations. Instructors are noticing. No one has ever made me feel inferior... at least intentionally. There are always tiny embarassments... we're taking vitals on each other and no one can practice a BP on me because there isn't a large cuff. We're putting on isolation gowns and mine looks ridiculous. We're ordering adorable sweatshirts for a class fundraiser and I have to awkwardly as how high up the sizes go.
I just don't know what to do, how to feel better. I know that me being so busy right now is definitely leading to me not getting in my walks/hikes with the dogs/yoga etc that i love and that keeps me grounded. I also know there are days when in the chaos of rushing from one place to another i realize that i've barely had a vegetable today. those things don't help in making me feel better physically, and those are things i can work on. I can also use my "free time" this summer when i am "just" working to be more active and get some of my life back.
But in the mean time my horrible thoughts are ruining my nursing school experience and getting in the way of me growing.
has anyone been through this?? how do you get past it??
Honestly, the thing that has worked for me recently (to keep weight off) is those Hello Fresh boxes! They're heaven and you need NOTHING in your kitchen except for basic pans, tin foil, olive oil, and salt/pepper. You don't need to go to the store for anything (cuts down on temptations about 45%) and it comes to your door once a week. That gives me 6, perfectly portioned meals (3 meals a week for 2 people is the smallest box you can order) and the rest of the time I drink whole juice made usually with spinach, kale, apples, pineapple, and coconut water (or whatever I feel like sticking in the blender at a that time).
Honestly, the reason most people over eat and/or eat crap is because we're deficient in real minerals and vitamins (or are too acidic-like nearly everyone we work on in ICU lol) and the green drinks take care of all that. Plus, I'm hungry WAY less after a solid 2-3 days with only the green drinks and that's a plus, and the increase in energy is insane!! Seriously, I do nights and I've gone from 2-3 large Red Bulls per shift (yikes, I know) to no caffeine overnight and it's been amazing for the past almost 3 months.
If your body is revolting, chances are you're not giving it what it really needs: good, natural, less processed food (and most all of us have been guilty of it from time to time). That being said, within those confines, you have to figure out what works for you. I do best with next to no meat/dairy. My mom loves the higher healthy protein/low carb plan.
Our bodies are all different and school can be really tough because just as you get used to one schedule, you're onto the next semester/quarter and everything's upside down again. When you get your first job is where you are more likely to get the sleep schedule down, but that's why, in school, the things that are easier to control like your diet and exercise, are SO much more important!
Find what works for YOU food-wise, after you've gotten ideas from other people, and that should help a great deal. For me, when I'm either eating well or exercising regularly (which, for me, makes me eat better anyways) the other things start to fall into place. If you work out you don't want to ruin it with junk food and if you're eating in a way that gives you a ton of energy, you start moving more because you feel so damn good!
Also, if you want to get more physical, I can't stress to you enough the importance of finding something to do that doesn't make you want to kill yourself. Swimming is great for me because I like being solo and I HATE sweating, but it depends on my mood. You have something you like to do (hell, Zumba is a blast and yoga classes at the gym are good too!), you just need to find it. When I was a cow there was NOTHING I hated more than the idea of going to a gym to do a yoga class, but once I did, I felt so stupid for nearly staying away just because of how I looked. Unless you live in Beverly Hills, SF, or Manhattan, those classes are all full of all levels of learners and body types.
Honestly, the thing that has worked for me recently (to keep weight off) is those Hello Fresh boxes! They're heaven and you need NOTHING in your kitchen except for basic pans, tin foil, olive oil, and salt/pepper. You don't need to go to the store for anything (cuts down on temptations about 45%) and it comes to your door once a week. That gives me 6, perfectly portioned meals (3 meals a week for 2 people is the smallest box you can order) and the rest of the time I drink whole juice made usually with spinach, kale, apples, pineapple, and coconut water (or whatever I feel like sticking in the blender at a that time).
Honestly, the reason most people over eat and/or eat crap is because we're deficient in real minerals and vitamins (or are too acidic-like nearly everyone we work on in ICU lol) and the green drinks take care of all that. Plus, I'm hungry WAY less after a solid 2-3 days with only the green drinks and that's a plus, and the increase in energy is insane!! Seriously, I do nights and I've gone from 2-3 large Red Bulls per shift (yikes, I know) to no caffeine overnight and it's been amazing for the past almost 3 months.
If your body is revolting, chances are you're not giving it what it really needs: good, natural, less processed food (and most all of us have been guilty of it from time to time). That being said, within those confines, you have to figure out what works for you. I do best with next to no meat/dairy. My mom loves the higher healthy protein/low carb plan.
Our bodies are all different and school can be really tough because just as you get used to one schedule, you're onto the next semester/quarter and everything's upside down again. When you get your first job is where you are more likely to get the sleep schedule down, but that's why, in school, the things that are easier to control like your diet and exercise, are SO much more important!
Find what works for YOU food-wise, after you've gotten ideas from other people, and that should help a great deal. For me, when I'm either eating well or exercising regularly (which, for me, makes me eat better anyways) the other things start to fall into place. If you work out you don't want to ruin it with junk food and if you're eating in a way that gives you a ton of energy, you start moving more because you feel so damn good!
Also, if you want to get more physical, I can't stress to you enough the importance of finding something to do that doesn't make you want to kill yourself. Swimming is great for me because I like being solo and I HATE sweating, but it depends on my mood. You have something you like to do (hell, Zumba is a blast and yoga classes at the gym are good too!), you just need to find it. When I was a cow there was NOTHING I hated more than the idea of going to a gym to do a yoga class, but once I did, I felt so stupid for nearly staying away just because of how I looked. Unless you live in Beverly Hills, SF, or Manhattan, those classes are all full of all levels of learners and body types.
Good luck on your journey!
xo
I've so wanted to try those!! I'm moving into my new house this weekend, and now that I'm done with all the craziness, I'll be able to cook healthier every night.
Even before I gained all this weight, I recognized that what makes a good person is on the inside, not the outside. Getting down to a healthier weight is important, but being a good person and human being is even more so.
Swimming is great for me because I like being solo and I HATE sweating, but it depends on my mood. You have something you like to do (hell, Zumba is a blast and yoga classes at the gym are good too!), you just need to find it. When I was a cow there was NOTHING I hated more than the idea of going to a gym to do a yoga class, but once I did, I felt so stupid for nearly staying away just because of how I looked. Unless you live in Beverly Hills, SF, or Manhattan, those classes are all full of all levels of learners and body types. 
Maevish, ASN, RN
396 Posts
Honestly, the thing that has worked for me recently (to keep weight off) is those Hello Fresh boxes! They're heaven and you need NOTHING in your kitchen except for basic pans, tin foil, olive oil, and salt/pepper. You don't need to go to the store for anything (cuts down on temptations about 45%) and it comes to your door once a week. That gives me 6, perfectly portioned meals (3 meals a week for 2 people is the smallest box you can order) and the rest of the time I drink whole juice made usually with spinach, kale, apples, pineapple, and coconut water (or whatever I feel like sticking in the blender at a that time).
Honestly, the reason most people over eat and/or eat crap is because we're deficient in real minerals and vitamins (or are too acidic-like nearly everyone we work on in ICU lol) and the green drinks take care of all that. Plus, I'm hungry WAY less after a solid 2-3 days with only the green drinks and that's a plus, and the increase in energy is insane!! Seriously, I do nights and I've gone from 2-3 large Red Bulls per shift (yikes, I know) to no caffeine overnight and it's been amazing for the past almost 3 months.
If your body is revolting, chances are you're not giving it what it really needs: good, natural, less processed food (and most all of us have been guilty of it from time to time). That being said, within those confines, you have to figure out what works for you. I do best with next to no meat/dairy. My mom loves the higher healthy protein/low carb plan.
Our bodies are all different and school can be really tough because just as you get used to one schedule, you're onto the next semester/quarter and everything's upside down again. When you get your first job is where you are more likely to get the sleep schedule down, but that's why, in school, the things that are easier to control like your diet and exercise, are SO much more important!
Find what works for YOU food-wise, after you've gotten ideas from other people, and that should help a great deal. For me, when I'm either eating well or exercising regularly (which, for me, makes me eat better anyways) the other things start to fall into place. If you work out you don't want to ruin it with junk food and if you're eating in a way that gives you a ton of energy, you start moving more because you feel so damn good!
Also, if you want to get more physical, I can't stress to you enough the importance of finding something to do that doesn't make you want to kill yourself.
Swimming is great for me because I like being solo and I HATE sweating, but it depends on my mood. You have something you like to do (hell, Zumba is a blast and yoga classes at the gym are good too!), you just need to find it. When I was a cow there was NOTHING I hated more than the idea of going to a gym to do a yoga class, but once I did, I felt so stupid for nearly staying away just because of how I looked. Unless you live in Beverly Hills, SF, or Manhattan, those classes are all full of all levels of learners and body types. 
Good luck on your journey!
xo