Please someone help me to decide where to go from here. I have questions about the test I just took. I have now taken my NCLEX 3 times... the first 2 times I took all 265 questions... when I got my scores back I had not done horrible on any particular area... so I decided to do the Hurst review 2 more times and study from the NCSBN website as well as several other books. I took my test for the 3rd time on December 2nd and never felt more confident. I walked in with great confidence and when my computer shut off at 75 questions... I left with even more, which was not the case in either of my previous attempts at this test. Then I get my results that I failed.... how is this possible? I have been studying for almost a year. We were told that high priority questions meant you were doing well, not the case for me. I felt that the majority of my test questions were select all that apply and high priority, and I can honestly say I feel with my whole heart that there has been a mistake. Is it because it's my first time taking this test since it was changed as of April 2010? Where do I go from here... what can I do from here? And is there anyone that can help? 2 options - pay $1350 for remediation, $119 for re-examination, $204 to the FBON and then $200 to take the test or I can pay $350 to NCSBN to request my results from Pearson Vue, $250 to Pearson Vue to pull my test and then $75 dollars per question that I would like to discuss? Either way it's money and time I do not have... but I also am NOT a quitter... evident by what I am about to say.
Since I started nursing school several years ago I have had to fight my way through it. A journey I never was prepared for but a journey I was determined to complete. In my third semester of Nursing school, not only did I find out I was pregnant, but I was also raising my 6 year old little girl, working part-time as a surgical dental assistant, and in school full-time. This was the semester my life was changed forever. I had horrible anxiety with this pregnancy and was sick all day everyday. Two months into it I was told there was something wrong with the baby. Upon further testing and higher level ultrasounds they found she had Choroid Plexus Cysts on her brain and Echogenic bowel... 2 signs of a baby with down syndrome or trisomy 18. I was devastated to say the least but determined not to believe it. With the love and support of my parents and my fiance' and family I was able to stay positive and continue with school, using it as an outlet of distraction to what I was going through. I mean after all, this couldn't be happening to me... I was only 26 years old and had already had a perfectly healthy little girl and an effortless pregnancy. With no more than a few weeks left of my 3rd semester, and after having 2 amniocentesis, I was at home with my daughter, at 25 weeks pregnant when my water broke. In the hospital where I lay upside down for 8 days until an emergency C-Section, when my daughters leg was found hanging out of my cervix, did I deliver a 2lb baby girl, born at 26 weeks and 1 day.
Terrified to say the least and numb from head to toe, I needed an outlet... an escape... something to make me feel some sort of normalcy, something to do that I had control over. I figured I would make school be my outlet. To my surprise I was asked to withdraw from the semester. I was told that I had become a liability and that I needed to focus on and care for my daughter in the NICU, as well as for my 6 year old at home. No one ever asked me how I felt? Or how my 6 year old felt? Or my fiance' felt about giving up something I had worked so hard for. It was all just decided for us. I was confused and angry to say the least. Besides visiting 3 times a day and pumping every 2 hours for a baby I couldn't hold... what more could I do than just love her with my whole heart and pray everyday that she would fight through this. Although I fought to stay in school I did eventually end up withdrawing, only to return the next semester to finish what I had started. I did end up graduating from nursing school in May of 2009. I not only completed school but I did it with a baby at home on a 24 hour heart monitor and a 6 year old who needed more love and attention now than ever.
So I ask this of you... help me find out why fighting for this... my dream of becoming a nurse has been my biggest fight yet. I never wanted to be a nurse because of the money or the benefits... I want to be a nurse because I genuinely care about people and I want to be that nurse that restores dignity to my patients and the nurse that earns the respect and appreciation from their families. I want to be a nurse because I know how it feels to be the patient and I know how the attitudes of those caring for you can affect the way you feel when you are at your lowest point. Laughter and love can be so healing... that along with the knowledge I have gained from nursing school would make me the kind of nurse I would proud to be.
How could I do so poorly on my 3rd try that the computer would shut off at 75? How could answering the rest of the test, an additional 190 questions, not help me bring my score up? How could I feel so confident that I had passed? I can recite the Hurst Review book... so how could this be? And where do I go from here??
Do I fight for this too?
This is my story and I am writing it because this is my dream... and I can't let it go... and I won't quit.