Evaluation Comments

[nursebedlam]

Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.

AVERAGE:

Not too bright.

EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED:

Has committed no major blunders to date.

ACTIVE SOCIALLY:

Drinks heavily.

ZEALOUS ATTITUDE:

Opinionated.

CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH:

Still one step ahead of the law.

UNLIMITED POTENTIAL:

Will stick with us until retirement.

QUICK THINKING:

Offers plausible excuses for errors.

TAKES PRIDE IN WORK:

Conceited.

TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS:

Buys drinks for superiors.

INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION:

Knows more than superiors.

STERN DISCIPLINARIAN:

A real jerk.

TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS:

Knows when to keep mouth shut.

APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC:

Finds someone else to do the job.

A KEEN ANALYST:

Thoroughly confused.

NOT A DESK PERSON:

Did not go to college.

EXPRESSES SELF WELL:

Can string two sentences together.

SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB:

Miserable home life.

CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL:

Scared.

METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL:

A nitpicker.

DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP:

Has a loud voice.

JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND:

Lucky.

MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE:

A snob.

KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR:

Knows lots of dirty jokes.

STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES:

Stubborn.

GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE:

A coward.

SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE:

Stupid.

OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION:

Turns in work on time.

IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL:

Wanted by no-one else.

ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS:

An office gossip.

REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT:

Lazy and hard-headed.

HARD WORKER:

Usually does it the hard way.

ENJOYS JOB:

Needs more to do.

HAPPY:

Paid too much.

WELL ORGANIZED:

Does too much busywork.

COMPETENT:

Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.

CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN:

Pain in the ***.

WILL GO FAR:

Relative of management.

SHOULD GO FAR:

Please.

USES TIME EFFECTIVELY:

Clock watcher.

VERY CREATIVE:

Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.

USES RESOURCES WELL:

Delegates everything.

DESERVES PROMOTION:

Create new title to make him or her feel appreciated.