essay

[rafiki121]

Can someone look at this real quick and critique it.

I am an engineer, having begun my technical training early on in high school. Supported by the enthusiasm of my father (a machinist by trade) and drawn by the promise of financial stability, I entered the field and have been working in it for four years now. I realized early on that this was not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, but I stuck with it for the stability and also because, sadly, I had no idea what I wanted to do. It was not until my grandfather was dying that I realized how much I wanted to become a nurse.

As my grandfather neared the end of his struggle with Alzheimer's Disease, he started to spend more and more time in hospitals. During this end stage, the nurses who tended to my grandfather always helped ease his pain, and also that of my family as we watched his condition worsen. It was then that I decided that I want to be able to help people, not only when they are sick, but also when there is little hope of them getting better. The professionalism of the nurses helped me accept my grandfather's eventual death by shifting my focus from our suffering to the strength and warmth of compassion. I believe that the treatment for many of the patients doesn't only rely solely on medicine but the care that they receive, and the environment they are in while recovering.

I want my everyday actions to make a difference on a fundamentally human level. I look at my cubicle job and see that although it promises a great future, I am doing nothing that actually matters to others- nothing that connects me to others. I decided to change that, so I went back to school to take pre-requisites for nursing school. Doing so has made the past year one of my most difficult, necessitating the balance of a full time job and my coursework. However, as physically and mentally draining as it has been, I can honestly say that I am happier now than I have ever been. I could finally say that I am striving for what I am truly passionate about.

After obtaining a 2 year degree and my Registered Nurse license, I plan on furthering my education and obtaining my Bachelor of Science in Nursing. I hope one day I will be able to work in a hospital, specifically in the pediatrics department. I love working with children and I've been doing it throughout my life. For example, I used to dedicate my weekends to working as a coach for the New York Junior Tennis League, a program that provides free tennis lessons to children throughout the five boroughs. Though I am aware that working with children who are sick will be very different, I want to be able to make kids as happy as they can be when they have to stay in hospitals.

[CDEWannaBe]

This is good.

Are there skills you've gained as an engineer or traits you naturally have that would help you be a great nurse? You may want to include that in your essay too.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

This gets my gold star for best application essay seen this year. Thank you! (no smilies today? insert ::applause:: here) I agree with CDEwannabe about a bit about what you bring to the profession in addition to your own desires. If you are a good problem-solver and system-analyzer (and I am sure you are-- I come from a family of engineers myself), mention that.

[llg, PhD, RN]

Definitely one of the best admission essays I have read. Good job!

I also agree with GrnTea that it might be helped by adding a couple of sentences linking to the skills/strengths of your first career to your future as a nurse.

Welcome to the profession.

[rafiki121]

Thanks everyone for the response. Im relieved to hear it was a good essay