Essay Help for ABSN entry

[futurenurselady]

Hello everyone, I am submitting an essay to apply to an accelerated BSN program and I was wondering if you guys could give me advice on if it is good! I'm supposed to highlight my story, why I feel I am qualified for this, and my goals. Here it is and thanks in advance!:

Music has always been at the center of my life. From the time I was born, I was listening to my mother play on the piano and sing, while my father would leave to go play a studio session with his cello. I've always had a love for music, and grew up wanting to be just like my mother. I loved to sing, from the time I was a very young girl. It is ironic now that I am an adult, to find myself pursuing a nursing career. When I was about seven years old, I remember going to a summer camp and one of the girls' nose started bleeding. Immediately I ran up to her and helped her stop the blood. All of a sudden I find myself being yelled at and I didn't understand why. I was just trying to help my fellow camp friend. Of course we were both okay, but now I realize (after taking microbiology) that it probably would have been better if I had had gloves on. The point of this story is to say that I wanted to help this girl in any way that I could. I want to help when I see people in pain, I want them to feel better, and even if I can't fix them, I want to help them feel as comfortable as possible.

Growing up, I loved the arts and went to performing arts camps all throughout high school. This love of the arts drew me to pursue a career in music performance. I went to California State University, Northridge and received my Bachelor's in Music Industry Studies so that I could learn the business side of the career I was trying to get into. Once I graduated in 2014, I started pursing music to the fullest. I started a band, wrote a lot of music, performed, and toured for a few years. I loved it so much, and still do, but something was missing. I didn't feel like I had a career. The whole time I was waitressing, working on music, and had a part-time job at a physical therapy clinic which was also shared by a medical office. I was very tired because I didn't feel fulfilled. I truly believe I was put on this earth to help people because that is when I am the happiest. I love being on my feet, in fast paced environments, and I love people. Working as a receptionist at the physical therapy clinic opened my eyes to the possibility of a career in the medical field.

In the fall of 2016 I thought to myself, "What could I do as a career that would help people, but also allow me to practice music on the side?" I thought about it for a few weeks, and I prayed about it. I looked back in my life and all of the signs pointed to nursing. I researched programs and found California State University, Los Angeles. This school appealed to me because of their mission and vision of making innovative leaders by developing students' unique talents. I believe all of the experiences I have had in my life have shaped me into a strong individual with a need to continue to grow and learn. I found out what the prerequisites were, and I jumped in. I made a goal for myself to finish all of the prerequisites by the end of 2017. A month ago, my boyfriend's aunt passed away after a long battle with cancer. We were with her every day until she took her last breath. Being in this situation made me realize how much I actually wanted to be a nurse. I wanted to do more than just be with her, I wanted her to feel as comfortable as possible. This experience completely changed my life. I chose nursing because I want to be of service, have a fulfilling career, and possibly even incorporate my music skills in nursing. My goals are to finish an ABSN program, work in an emergency room setting for a few years, and then work in psychiatric care. Mental health is something very important to me, as I have watched many friends and family struggle and I want to change the stigma of mental health. It is just as important as physical health, and I believe they are very much connected. Music will always be in my life, but I believe that nursing will fulfill my life on many different levels.

[FutureNurseInfo]

I think you should revise the part about microbiology and how you realize you should have the gloves on. This information does not add anything to your essay. Logically, as a child you never think of things like putting gloves on before touching anyone bleeding.

Also, I do not see what relevance the "music" background has whatsoever. I think you should just get to the point. Moreover, just like the intro, I think there is no point in narrating about you getting into the school to study music. I do not know what your statement is, but I would write my essay like this:

Introduction

Briefly state my intentions of applying and how my background in ___________ will not only add to the rich diversity and clinical research of Name of University and program but also further propel and support its values/vision etc.

Body

State a few reasons (in one simple thesis statement) for why you qualify to be in the program. Now this is where you draw from your music experience (not describing it, but how it helps you stand out as a candidate and how it will prepare you for the challenges of the program and future career. For example, as someone who has an ear for music, and different sounds, you have developed a strong foundation for listening and understanding. This will greatly help in communicating with patients and their families, listening attentively and empathetically to their needs and respond in similar manner.) Once you state a reason, just briefly provide an example from personal life. I think 2-3 reasons is quite enough. Also, throughout the body, try to weave in some of the values of the program you are applying. For example, if the program has music therapy as a method to treat depression (I am totally making this up, but to just make a point), tie this value in with your background in music.

Conclusion

Restate some of the reasons why you are a qualifying candidate. State that you respect the values of the program/school and that you will further promote the establishment and development of such values bringing in your experience and background.

I hope it helps.

[futurenurselady]

Wow thank you so much!!! This really helps. I really appreciate it.

[RainbowSprinkles]

I think its pretty interesting that you want to incorporate music into your nursing career. I would find another way to infuse it into your essay and use less information on your background of music. Your music influence is too large in this essay, its almost like your applying to a music program . ABSN, are for second degree students; they are fully aware that students will come from various of fields and contribute something amazing to nursing. That is what makes absn programs so unique. I would love to hear how resilient and determine you are as a person, express an example or two. Nursing involves so much...science, psychology, sociology, assessing situations quickly .... The generic answer for most candidates will be i love to help people, you want to stand out and show them you have what it takes to take on Nursing. Best of luck!