Had a bad day and would like to have some fun. Thought I would try to put together a disclaimer upon signing into the ER that almost sounds professional enough to hand patients.
Thank you for choosing __________ hospital for your emergency care. You have rights as a patient (list patients rights). We also have rights as a facilty to protect you while you are here in our care. We are unsure how long your wait time will be as our patients are seen on level of acuity and not time entering the department. We are seeing ambulance patients as well as patients comming off of helicoptors at any given time through out the day. Please place your cell phones in the box located beside the triage area. You may pick them up upon discharge or we will get it for you if you are admitted. There may not be no more than two visitors at your bedside at any given time. We reserve the right to remove anyone from your bedside that is being disruptive to your care. If you leave your exam room for any reason other than testing purposes, you will need to be re-triaged and made to wait again. We will try our best to make this experience as pleasable as possible for you. Once we get your emergency taken care of we will make every attempt to make you as comfortable as possible. Please do not stand in the hall way once you are in your exam room, all of our patients have a right to their confidentiality and this will not in any way expedite your care any faster. Thanks for your understanding and cooperation.
AKA: I don't know how long it will be before you get seen. You have had that ingrown toenail for 3 weeks and it's not more important than the patient I just took back in the wheel chair. I don't care that you have been waiting for 3 hours and no I will not tell you what was wrong with that patient because the law will not allow me. If youre in your room and text messege all of your sorority sisters on how cool it is that you are in the ER getting I.V. fluids because you are dehydrated from out drinking/vomiting all night than you are not sick enough to be here. If you leave your room every 5 minutes to go outside amd smoke than you are not sick enough to be here. I am a pack a day smoker myself and laid in one of these beds for 8 hours with appendicitis and never once thought about a cigarette. Your second cousin here kids and here two sister-in-laws can kindly wait in the waiting room. You do not need that much family support for your genital warts. I understand that you are tired, sick, hungry, and cold, however once I get your BP above 60 systolic I will get you a warm blanket, call your sister in Florida for you and something to eat if you are allowed. If by any reason you find it necessary to stand in the hallway and stare at me, you will be introduced to the #16 or #14g angiocath so that I may give you the Toradol for your back pain.
