Emotional Rollercoaster

[7out_to_nursing]

Hello all.

I am not a nurse yet but when I was a CNA in clinicals. I remember my first day, I was in a very small hospital in Mississippi. I started out the day doing bed baths, changing sheets etc. My first patient was a woman around 75.

She was so sweet, thanking me for giving me her bath. Telling me I did a great job etc.. The next day I go in.then same thing " sweet as she can be.." I go to my other rooms. About 6 hours later. I go to check on her and I find out she had passed on. Peacefully. All the nurses were upset, she had been there a long time. I was dumbstruck. Couldn't believe it..I believe myself to be a emotional person. When I get mad I get the mad cry. My daughter was adopted in 1998. And I had a job taking pictures of newborn babies. I lasted 3 days. I didn't go into nursing because I knew I would cry.. How do you become numb? I know how to do it where I work I am a casino dealer. I just shut up and smile.

I have learned many skills in this profession. I have been called every name in the book..And say nothing. It has in some ways made me a mean person, I think it just made me grow up. But when you work in hospice or see a patient pass away. How do you deal with it? I often blab sorry for the jumbled stuff.

[LVAD RN]

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. I don't work hospice but what I can tell you is please do not become numb!! When you start becoming numb in a place such as hospice then maybe you should move on. I know someone 30 years old that died and it was the bond between the CNA's, nurses and docs that helped everyone get through the pain.

What you must do is try to feel for the families but leave it at work. I try to do that and while it is hard, some days are easier than others. I remember the first funeral I went to for a pt and it was difficult but the family appreciated it. Numbness can lead some to become jaded.

[tanjaccurn]

Never be ashamed of crying when a patient dies....it only shows that you have a heart and have empathy for the sorrow and loss that the family is enduring. I can't count the times since I've been a RN and working in critical care that I've cried with the family as I hugged them to me.....and then cried again on my way home from work knowing the heartache that they were feeling. And there have been times when I thought that my heart just couldn't take it anymore.....but then, I think of what an honor it was to be there to care for those patients and their families during their last moments in this life.......and I go back into work to do it all again......so, shed those tears when they come into your eyes and heart.....it shows that you have one and that you're human too.