Does it get better?

I just started my first CNA job and I'm having a hard time. Keep in mind, this is my first gig in healthcare and I have no prior experience doing this kind of work. There's also the fact that I didn't really practice skills in my class -- we watched videos on how to do them, and that was the extent of it. So I'm basically having to learn the skills ground up in the nursing home.

After they hired me, I was given four days of orientation and then put out on the floor by myself. Last night was my second shift by myself and it was rough, I didn't think I'd ever get out of there. I am really trying my hardest to do a good job and hang in there, but it is SO HARD when I am new and still learning everything and thus, very slow. It seems to take me forever to turn, clean and change an incontinent resident by myself, especially if they're particularly heavy, contracted, etc etc. What I hate most is that I feel it's not fair to the other residents when I'm so slow like this. It means it's that much longer before they're tended to and that fact just depresses me. At the same time, though, it's not like it's something I can entirely help. I'm hoping I'll get better and quicker with time and experience, but in the mean time, it's hard.

When I have experienced aides to help me out and finish my assignment, it's a little easier but last night I was working with two other brand new aides that are going through the same predicament I am. We have 12 residents a piece and while that may not seem like much to someone who's been there a while, to a newbie fresh out of school it's nigh impossible.

We're all on the 3-11 shift and when we first come in, everything seems easy enough; almost too easy, in fact. Just pass out ice water, make sure everyone's OK and doesn't need to be changed, and start getting everyone ready for supper. It's after dinnertime and feedings that everything gets CRAZY. It's just this one huge rush to get everyone in bed and cleaned up, changed, etc etc. on time, and on top of that there'll be baths/showers to do, ADLs to chart, rooms to clean up and snacks to pass out, etc. At this point in time I just don't know how to keep up with it all and I just feel like an incompetent moron for not being able to provide the quality and efficient care my residents deserve.

A part of me honestly just wants to throw in the towel and go back to my old job, then save up money until I can go back to school for something different. Nursing was what I wanted to do since I was a little girl, and helping take care of my dad while he was terminally ill cemented that decision for me, or so I thought. It seems cheesy but I've always been one of those passionate, emotional types that views nursing as a special calling and a dream; I've always loved people and wanted to take care of those in need. But these last few days have been so stressful I just don't know... It kills me to see all these people in need and me being unable to do as much for them as I'd like due to being so slow and inept and working under extremely limited time constraints.

I really don't want to give up because I've always prided myself on being a strong, can-do person and I try and tell myself, the worst thing I can do right now is quit and give up. Things certainly won't get better if I give up now, but they might if I stick with it and give it a chance. Even if I wind up getting fired due to incompetence, at least I can say I tried my best and didn't just quit when the going got tough. It's really just concern for the residents that makes me question this career path. The fact that I have so much trouble managing my time and doing the most basic of CNA duties like cleaning and changing an immobile, incontinent resident makes me wonder if I'm cut out for this line of work. It takes me FOREVER to get some residents changed and it always seems like I've made some stupid error, like put the diaper on crooked or missed a little bit of poop somewhere that still needs wiping off. My biggest fear is that I won't get any better or faster and residents will start developing skin breakdown, infection etc. because I took too long to get to them. I wonder if maybe I should just let the more competent, experienced people do this job and find something I'm more suited to.

The anxiety and stress is really killing me and admittedly, it's kind of hard for me to get a handle on it. I try to tell myself I knew what I was getting into, I had read countless reports of what a hard job CNA was and how many people outright quit because it's too much, but I was convinced I could handle it, I told myself I loved the elderly and I wanted to be there to care for them and make their last days a little brighter. If I can't make it as a CNA then I'll probably forget about nursing altogether since I hear the stress only gets worse the higher up you get and the more responsibility you have.

I'd just like some words of advice or consolation and to know if my experience is normal, if it was this hard on other CNAs when they first started out, etc. or if I'm just really incompetent. Is it normal to take forever putting people to bed and getting them cleaned up, etc. when you first start? How long does it take before you get faster and better?