Does a belief in a "Life after Life" help you in Hospice?

marachne · Sep 16, 2008

I've been in Hospice since 1977, it is where I feel the most useful, where I do my best work. I've always felt that Hospice nurses can deal with death on a daily basis because, by some inner Faith, we believe it's not the end, but simply the passing into a richer life.
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What do others do to reconcile daily death in their work? What gets you through the day? With so many varied religious beliefs, how do you cope? I've often wondered: What if, at death, we get exactly what we believe?
I'd love your feedback.

Having been an any number of deaths where I can feel/sense the essence of a person leaving their body, and sometimes not leaving the physical space for a while, and being aware of when that energy is gone, I have to say that yes, I believe there is something more to who we are than our bodies. I call it spirit for lack of a better word. I don't know what it is, or where it goes but I know it exists.

I think part of what makes it possible to do hospice work is having less of a need to control things than is the norm for nurses (one of my favorite quotes of my mentor/adviser/chair is that "the difference between social workers and nurses is that SWs don't have the same kind of control issues"), as well as a really well developed sense of gray (vs. seeing the world in black and white), and really and truly wanting to work with patients and families on their terms (which doesn't mean we don't get frustrated when their terms seem to working against their self interest, but that's part of the process, isn't it? Learning to let go of our own beliefs and desires to make room for others?)

I know it's hard when you have a lot of deaths in a short time, or when you aren't able to control symptoms, or help with other kinds of suffering. I guess at times like that I cope by being as life-affirming as possible outside of work.

The religious thing is interesting. I am not from a Christian background, and I have to admit, sometimes I have problems with certain kinds of Christian beliefs -- mostly when it is a charismatic style that believes that they can effect a miracle, even to the point of not being able to do proper good-bys, and especially when the inference is that if their prayer is not answered w/a miracle it means the dying person is bad. But I've also seen how much strength and grace people gain from their religion, how much love and support can come from a religious community (whether Christian, Buddist, Muslim, Jewish, Pagan or other), and how much support a spiritual leader can provide. I think the chaplains I've worked with have also been really good models for working with people of diverse faiths and honoring their beliefs w/o feeing like I've compromised my own.

As I said in another thread, I am more uncomfortable with hospice workers whose overt religiosity feels like it has the potential for making patients and families uncomfortable than I am with most pts personal beliefs.

seasonedlpn · Sep 17, 2008

I agree. Some sort of belief system is better than no belief system. I am always enlightened by the varied beliefs we encounter, and I try to respect each and every one individually. Hospice chaplains do an amazing job in supporting our families. Thanks for the feedback.

NurseAlwaysNForever · Sep 17, 2008

I have become much stronger in my faith since becoming a hospice nurse. I don't know if all hospice's do it, but ours has a daily devotional led by the chaplain every morning when we first get to work, then we have a prayer list where we put pts who are having problems or their families who are having problems, not to mention our own personal things on there and then we pray.

Has anyone found that those strong in their faith pass easier than those who are troubled by it? That has been my experience.

I don't look at death as bad any more either. I feel that this life is a stepping stone. Also, to know that a pt has been suffering and that is over now fills me with a sense of..... calm. I always feel bad for the loved one's of the patient that has passed. And there are always "special" pts that get the best of you and make you want to bawl like a baby, but you can't because you have to be there for their family. So at best you get a little teary eyed and stay busy, occasionally wiping away a stray tear when no one is looking. Also, providing good post mortem care is my last gift to the deceased pt and their family. I try to get them as clean as possible and looking as peaceful as possible so that their last vision of them in their home, wherever that may be, is a good one.

becky5438 · Sep 23, 2008

Hello,Im not a hospice nurse,I'm not even a nurse yet. My father passed from cancer less than a year ago, and it might sound weird, but that was when I decided I wanted to be a nurse. I spent alot of time at the hospital and spoke with may of the nurses. I don't think hospice or oncology are my thing, but seeing how caring those nurses can be is amazing. Dealing with patients and family that are in denial and helping them deal with the situation, Im sure its hard but rewarding. I was in denial about my fathers fate from the get go. When he was dying, I actually asked the hospice nurse what happened, like a child would. I could tell she didn't know how to respond, here she has a twenty five year old, asking what happened to her father(who mind you hadent been talking or really even resposive for a week) when I knew what was happening, It just wasnt registering. And she was patient with me and explained what was happening. I think having the nurses there helped me and my family out alot. The whole situation changed the course of my life. I decided I wanted to be a nurse.