Discourteous Fellow Student

[JackieHouse, LPN, EMT-B]

I'm looking for advice-good, bad, and ugly.

I started a PN program last year and we've been in clinicals since Feb. I befriended another student the first few days of the school year and although we're still what I would consider friends, we're not as close as we were in those first few months. I have realized our age gap of 10+ years more in the immaturity I perceive in her. She's certainly intelligent or she wouldn't have made it this far, however I notice more often than not a different wavelength than I have about what should be considered professionalism in the workplace.

For example, I believe if I bend over in my uniform it should cover my behind and back, hers does not (not even in the least). I believe in a fresh bun/pony/style every morning, even a messy bun or plait, whereas she admits to coming to class without so much as combing her hair or re-'bunning' it from the night before. But hey different strokes, as long as she's clean and ready to work; however I am surprised our strict supervisors haven't stepped in to say something about the uniform issue. I told her in the beginning in passing convo that I would not want to work with anyone who was lazy or incompetent, but it's getting harder to work with a person that seems like they don't want to be part of a team or prioritize. I have witnessed her in our clinical setting for a few months now and I notice she is hesitant to do things alone and has some trouble thinking critically at times.

She is very blunt and likes to joke, which is what I liked about her initially, but on some things it's getting inappropriate. Thursday we're in clinicals. She gets her assignment, holds on to the assignment sheet and does her initial charting instead of passing it on to the next student to get their assignment. Finally had to ask for it and she waved it off to us (like one of those 'be gone' hand maneuvers). Later that day during med pass, the nurse I was under asked me to get some D5NS from the supply room for a change she was doing-I run down, get the bag, go to charge it to the pt room and the student jumps in front of me, grabs the scanner, punches in her pt number, LAUGHS in my face and says she got it first, and proceeds to slowly walk around the room gathering bed bath supplies. While I'm getting more and more frustrated at the fact that she's blatantly ignoring I have a bag of fluid I need to get to my supervising nurse stat, another nurse walks in. I wanted to just verify I grabbed the right bag (like I said we are about 6 mos in, haven't started pharm yet), I turn to ask the nurse my question, get half of it out of my mouth when said student interrupts me and asks the nurse about the pt she's getting the bed bath items for, telling the nurse the pt wants to go home. Nurse starts talking to student instead. I give up, sigh loudly, student says 'Oh, I'm done with this I guess' and kind of half limp-wristed hands me the scanner to charge my pt's room. Another nursing student walked in and witnessed the incident and I know she could see the frustration building up on my face because she said something to me later.

I'm usually a very nice person, I roll with the punches and adapt and overcome, I don't normally hold grudges, I'll give you the shirt off my back if it will help you and I hate hurting feelings. But I will. However, my question would be is this something I should attempt to handle on my own and let her know as a friend she is doing (maybe without realizing it), or is this something I should mention to the student supervisor and let them manage it? I am certainly not looking to get anyone in trouble, I don't like getting the supervisor involved unless it's something I can't handle, but I'm also certainly not looking to let my own mouth get me in trouble as well for trying to constructively criticize. I would much rather help her than watch her flail and be eaten alive eventually, but I've also had my head bitten off for overstepping my boundaries.

Should I just play Elsa and let it go? Or should I try to nip this in the bud as a friend to save her grief in the future working on a unit?

[caliotter3]

You seem to be too concerned about your friend. If you have brought certain matters to her attention and you do not like her response, then simply continue to interact with her less. As for the instructors, they will emphasize what they feel needs to be emphasized. Perhaps you can find another student who would make a more comfortable buddy while you finish the program.

[vanilla bean]

So, you "befriended" this student initially and the more you get to know her, the more you realize she has quirks or personality traits that you don't care for. OK, so don't be her friend, be her classmate. She clearly doesn't meet your standards of professionalism and annoys you, but how does *any* of this rise to the level that you feel *you* should address it with faculty or supervisors? MYOB and focus on your own education.

[The_Muffintime]

Hi Dixie, I'm no expert but I'm also a current student and maybe my thoughts can be helpful, if just a little bit. I agree with the other two posters mostly. I think that if you want to continue to be this girl's friend that it's probably best to try to bring up your feelings in a sensitive way. You know the drill, try not to sound accusatory, and start by saying things like "I feel that..." Basic nonthreatening, non-accusatory type of communication. You've probably gotten some instruction in school on how to use therapeutic communication, and this is a great opportunity to put some of that into practice!

If you don't feel like you want to be her friend any longer, then that's perfectly fine too. You don't have to be anything more than her classmate, and if it's at all possible then I would suggest doing what you mentioned and just doing your best to stay out of her way (while remaining polite, courteous, and professional, of course).

Unless she's doing something that is putting patients in danger or otherwise getting in the way of you doing your job at clinical then I strongly advise against taking this to the administration. You did provide some examples about how she did get in your way, so you're definitely not just getting upset for no reason, but I still think it's best to try to avoid her and adapt to the situation. Again, if you don't mind discontinuing your friendship with her, then this is the course of action that I would personally take. There's also nothing wrong with saying something like "hey, would you mind letting me scan this bag? The nurse says she needs the D5W right away and I really don't want to keep her waiting." I'd wager that your friend would probably hand over the scanner to you. Try not to worry so much about how she passes the materials or how flippant she might appear, if you can. In my opinion it only becomes a big issue if she's compromising patient safety, if she undermines you in front of a patient, or if she's making you look bad in front of the nurse or your instructor.

If you're able to, I suggest that you try not to worry about her being unprofessional unless, again, she's doing something to harm you or a patient. Her situation will sort itself out eventually without you having to do anything. Look out for number one!

In my opinion you've just got to ask yourself how much the friendship means to you and how much you want to sacrifice to keep it going. A friendship just can't work if one side has unspoken grievances that are constantly eating at her. Gentle honesty is my preferred course of action when it comes to my real friends. It's no real friendship if you don't feel like you can be honest with her, right? Best of luck to you, Dixie!

P.S. Please keep in mind that I am a male and all of my close, lasting friendships have been with other males.