Difficult Coworker

[Tobygo2]

How do you deal with a difficult coworker? I'm not one who likes confrontation in least, in fact I avoid it at all costs. Said coworker is someone who seems to make rude, condescending remarks whenever I we work together. Basically someone who tries to make me feel bad about myself. I'm EXTREMELY sensitive and I've struggled with that my whole life so I've never once stuck up for myself and always think of what I could have said after the fact. Any advice??

[blondy2061h, MSN, RN]

Try your darndest not to react. People like that are going for the reaction.

[lhflanurseNP, APRN]

This coworker may feel insecure when working with you and this is her/his way of deflecting this. It may be, this is the way she/he is with other co-workers, observe the interaction she/he has with others. Any which way, you can try taking a deep breath in...hold it...then push it out along with the hurt feelings. If, as blondy2061h notes, your co-worker is just looking for a reaction, she/he will get tired of not getting a rise out of you. The only other thing is to confront her/him directly and ask what the problem is so you can try and fix it. Good luck!

[Tobygo2]

This coworker may feel insecure when working with you and this is her/his way of deflecting this. It may be this is the way she/he is with other co-workers, observe the interaction she/he has with others. Any which way, you can try taking a deep breath in...hold it...then push it out along with the hurt feelings. If, as blondy2061h notes, your co-worker is just looking for a reaction, she/he will get tired of not getting a rise out of you. The only other thing is to confront her/him directly and ask what the problem is so you can try and fix it. Good luck![/quote']

Thanks everyone!! I've realized this person is difficult with many other staff besides me. While I'm still a bit upset it does feel good to know that it's not personal :)

[labordude, BSN, RN]

How do you deal with a difficult coworker? I'm not one who likes confrontation in least, in fact I avoid it at all costs. Said coworker is someone who seems to make rude, condescending remarks whenever I we work together. Basically someone who tries to make me feel bad about myself. I'm EXTREMELY sensitive and I've struggled with that my whole life so I've never once stuck up for myself and always think of what I could have said after the fact. Any advice??

Many people who say the things you do avoid conflict because they feel inadequately prepared to handle it (what do I say, what if they get mad, etc). Don't feel bad, it's a large part of the entire population of people. Have you heard of "Crucial Conversations" or Crucial Confrontations? They are worth reading. There is also a book called "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" by Manuel Smith that deals with assertiveness, absolutely phenomenal book. Each of these can help you better prepare yourself, particularly mentally for situations that would be called "conflict." That way you aren't being passive and tolerating behavior that you shouldn't. If more people called out those who act inappropriately, it becomes harder and harder for them to act that way. The final book that I have to recommend is called "The No A$$HOLE Rule: Building a civilized workplace and surviving one that isn't. by Robert Sutton, another excellent book. The idea behind it is that when you have a group of people who agree on acceptable behavior, it becomes harder for those who act differently to succeed there. This can work in both directions and if the poor behavior becomes the model, it can be hard to change. As the others have said, the only thing you can control is YOUR reaction to the situation.