Did I Miss Something?

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Because I'd be willing to swear that this is the year 2009. The reason I ask is, yesterday, I went to my MIL's house with hubby (Oh, JOY!), and we had lunch. I was in the kitchen, helping cook, and my grandmother in law, who I love comes in. My MIL was explaining (ad nauseum) how to prepare steak and gravy (dis-GUST), since it is one of hubby's favorites. I don't touch red meat, have never eaten a hamburger, so there's no way I'd know how to fix that.

I digress. So anyway, there I am, cooking away, minding my business, and my GIL pipes up to ask how my new NP job is going. I tell her all about it, and say that I like it, and she seems happy about that, then asks the question that made my jaw drop.

"Well, do you have dinner waiting on DH every night?"

Excuse me?

Did we just warp back to 1950?

Did we not just establish the fact that we BOTH work? How his job disables him from cooking was never determined. The fact that I now hold 2 Master's degrees and an NP job, forget it. I'm a horrible wife because I have a career and don't accept the role of some Stepford Suzy Homemaker.

Have dinner waiting on him every night, my foot!

So, all you medical professionals out there, what's the absolute DUMBEST thing a family member has said to you with regard (or no regard) to the work we do?

Specializes in ER, ICU, Education.

My MIL is the main utterer of ridiculous comments. I have learned to turn it back on her. She finally quit asking stupid things, but it took me awhile to train her. Her first comment was "There must be something wrong with you that you don't want children." (I actually can't have them, but that's a side issue). I told her that I just preferred to practice making them a lot.

Her second comment was made after she went to the store with me. I had placed in my cart some tampons, facial moisturizer, razor cartridges, toilet paper and some elastic hair ties when she commented how "selfish" I was that everything in the cart was for me and not him. I said "You're absolutely right!" and headed to the condom aisle for an economy pack.

I've decided that the only way to make her stop is to shame her out of it. She often tries to make me feel bad, but I like the Eleanor Roosevelt quote that states that nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. I couldn't agree more. She is not a nice person and unfortunately like to criticize others constantly. I have learned over many years that she is mean like this to all of her sons wives. I feel sorry for her that her life is that small and pitiful. I just avoid her as much as possible. All the rest of DH's family is just wonderful, which does make things more tolerable.

She fully believes that I should work 60+ hours a week, work on my doctorate full time, cook and clean, etc. She once came over and complained that there was dirt in my entry way (which she tracked in) and I just handed her the broom and dustpan.

My opportunity to vent a little =)

My husband was raised by SuperMom. She worked sometimes two jobs at a time, yet managed to keep their house absolutely spotless, AND do things like Band Mom, PTA Mom, etc etc etc...

I don't have that kind of energy, I wasn't BORN with that kind of energy, yet my husband seems to think that I should work full time and do pretty much all of the work inside AND outside of the house. Therefore, our house is a disaster the majority of the time.

He will do SOME work if I ask him to, leave him a list of chores, whatever, but I get sick to death of having to ask. He doesn't even pick up after himself; there are generally pop cans all over the living room.

Getting just a tad bit tired of putting up with it.

You're married to my husband to? Seriously though my hubby's mom was the exact same way, worked three jobs slept four hours a night every night for years, cleaned the house and made dinner. It's not that my hubby expects me to be the same but I think that he's lost somewhere between there and reality.

Specializes in Med-Surge, PACU, now Hospice.

My heart goes out to those whose husbands can't see how hard they have it. Thankfully, my husband was an old batchelor when we married, so he has experience taking care of himself. When I was working 12's, my trick was to call him when I was leaving the hospital parking lot. He would start dinner then, and after a tremendously stressful shift, I came home to a cold glass of wine and was instructed to take a hot bath before dinner. What a guy!!!

I graduated practical nursing school in 1996. So I have been an LPN 13 years now. My sister had been an LPN and she had inspired me to do the same. It was a long road getting my schooling, transportation, child care, etc arranged but I managed to do it. Thankfully my dad helped by running me here and there during that process.

2 years ago I was discussing my grandmother's situation in an LTC with my dad, and he asked if I knew anyone who could give him information about the pros and cons of a GT because the facility suggested he consider if he wanted grandma to have one or not. I said well sure dad, I can tell you what you need to know. Then he said well I want a nurse to tell me, do you know any?? I said dad I am a nurse, remember I went to school. (Dad is in late 70s so I was thinking forgetfullness) Then dad says, YOU are a NURSE?? In a puzzled tone of voice, his eyebrows raised, and confusion written all over his face. Yes dad I am an LPN the same as Sue, you know that. He says, Oh no I guess I didn't know it, I thought you were one of those girls... oh whatta you call em.... oh CNA.

UGH!!! And with that I just again told him I was a real nurse who passed medicine and talked to doctors, but inside my head I was thinking.... Now if you would have come to my graduation perhaps you might know what the heck I have been doing for a living for over the past decade. DUH!

Specializes in ICU/Critical Care.
My MIL is the main utterer of ridiculous comments. I have learned to turn it back on her. She finally quit asking stupid things, but it took me awhile to train her. Her first comment was "There must be something wrong with you that you don't want children." (I actually can't have them, but that's a side issue). I told her that I just preferred to practice making them a lot.

Her second comment was made after she went to the store with me. I had placed in my cart some tampons, facial moisturizer, razor cartridges, toilet paper and some elastic hair ties when she commented how "selfish" I was that everything in the cart was for me and not him. I said "You're absolutely right!" and headed to the condom aisle for an economy pack.

I've decided that the only way to make her stop is to shame her out of it. She often tries to make me feel bad, but I like the Eleanor Roosevelt quote that states that nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. I couldn't agree more. She is not a nice person and unfortunately like to criticize others constantly. I have learned over many years that she is mean like this to all of her sons wives. I feel sorry for her that her life is that small and pitiful. I just avoid her as much as possible. All the rest of DH's family is just wonderful, which does make things more tolerable.

She fully believes that I should work 60+ hours a week, work on my doctorate full time, cook and clean, etc. She once came over and complained that there was dirt in my entry way (which she tracked in) and I just handed her the broom and dustpan.

Just curious as to how your husband feels about his mother? Does he realize that she says things like that?

Specializes in LTC/Rehab, Med Surg, Home Care.

While working a NOC shift, which was blissfully quiet, I had a CNA say to me while I was working at the desk

"I think I'd like to be a nurse sometimes, but then I see all the paperwork you have to do for the doctors, I just don't want to be anyone's secretary."

I asked her what she meant, and what she thought I was doing, and she said "well, isn't all that paperwork for the doctor? I mean, aren't you basically HIS secretary?"

***!!!!

Specializes in ER, ICU, Education.
Just curious as to how your husband feels about his mother? Does he realize that she says things like that?

Absolutely. He told her that I am his wife, and if she disrespects me, she disrespects him. He wasn't present on either of these occasions, but when he is, he has learned to calmly tell her "I want to have continued contact with you because you're my mother, but if you continue to do/say things like that, I will not be able to." This has improved things A LOT!!.

She is at least more subtle about it now, lol. To be honest, it took me a long time to come to terms with her...I felt like something of a failure, but I came to realize that I don't have problems with any other relatives, and she has issues with all the daughter-in-laws. Her issue, not mine. I have just tried to have humor about it, and stay as far away from her as possible.

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