Death of a favorite Patient...

[Adam D. RN2005]

:bluecry1:I guess stunned, shocked and grief stricken is the best way to describe my feelings right now. That also is the best way to describe my unit feelings.

The patient was a favorite of the units, a frequent flier. They had been on the unit multiple times and for months at a time. The pt had wounds all over their body and constantly septic. Spent all their time in a clinitron. They were admited several weeks ago, and on a weekly basis undergo surgury for I & D of the wounds and wound vac.

They had been getting better. This morning they were sent down for surgery, the pt is good spirits. (Not my pt this time around) I saw them and just said goodbye. Not my customary see you later. I don't like saying goodbye because there is finality to it.

About an hour later I was in the nurses station sitting next to the OR PAC when a general page came up on their blackberry and it just said "Why is **** coding in OR?" For the next fifteen minutes we didn't here anything, then we got the god awful news. Not one Nurse or Tech who had taken care of the pt had a dry eye. Our patients could just see a difference in our body language. We later got news that they had a PE on the table.

We had a brief memorial service for the pt this afternoon among the staff.

I remember the first time I had the pt about a year ago. My preceptor had assigned me this pt and all she said was I was going to get signed off on my wound care today. I looked at my preceptor and said no pt has that many wounds. Preceptor just said you never met ****.

When I walked into the pt's room, they looked at me and said newbie nurse. I nodded. They just said that'll change today with a wry smile. That started a relationship that was both professional and personal nature. And that was the way this pt was with everyone who took care of them.

One time many months later, when I was just doing wound care all day for different RN's pt's, came to them and they said I want to get to know you. I said you already know all about me. Their response was, no, let down your hair, I want to know the person underneith that you hide, the one in emotional pain. No one expect for my therapists and family knew about my deep routed emotional pain.

That pt saw what I refer to as my sorrow. While I was doing their wound care,(their wound care commonly took 2 to 4 hours, just the sheer number of them) I told them about it, my adoption. Turns out, we both were adoptees, and it became a common bond between us. That day was one of the most therapeutic days for me. They understood my grief.

That pt had considered me to be one of their favorite nurses. Their family was the units family. One nurse today said it perfectly, they were our baby, the units baby. They were family.

When the family came up to get the pts stuff, it was hard on all of us. They just thanked us and just said they considered us all to be family and had positive things to say about the core group of RN's and techs who took care of them.

The pt will be missed. They will no longer be in pain. But our baby is gone. I plan on going to the wake, and if I am not working to the funeral. It is the right this to do. They will be missed very much.

Adam, RN

[madwife2002, BSN, RN]

Thank you for sharing your loss with us. We all have patients whom we have bonded with and lost, and it never gets easier but it should be a comfort to you that you know you shared your time with this patient. I too when working on the renal unit got very close to my patients because they spend so much time coming back and forth for various medical problems and over the years l lost many 'friends' but I was always comforted by the fact that I made a difference to their lives when they needed me.

I sobbed my heart out at many funerals. I think you did a grand job, and you have to grieve for the patients who make our lives special as nurses.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

You are a wonderful and compassionate nurse! I hope that if ever I'm in ill health and full of misery, a nurse like you will be there for me.......a nurse who cares about me as a person, who has enough courage to get attached to me even though I won't be around forever either. Your story brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing it.

[maureenlynn]

:icon_hug: I'm so sorry! I'm not a nurse yet, but I'm sure that no matter how many times you lose a patient, it never gets any easier. Just take comfort in the fact that you were the absolute best nurse you could be and you made such a wonderful difference in the patient's life. I hope that I will be as caring and compassionate as you when I am a nurse.