Dealing with a difficult preceptor

Nurses General Nursing

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Hi there! So I'm a new grad nurse in an ER (no, I don't want to hear anything about how new grads don't belong in the ER-- I can handle my patients just fine). I get along with everyone in my unit, with an exception of one-- my preceptor. She is super nice to most people on the unit, but she can get very stressed out with high acuity patients and it seems like she takes out all of her stress on me. As someone with less experience than her, I feel like she's supposed to teach me, rather than yell at me when I am unsure of something. She gets very degrading and it makes me second guess myself, when I know I don't need to. It makes me scared to ask questions, which I know is not good. On top of this, when we have some down time, it seems like all she does is complain about the other staff on the unit, concerning how "terrible" they are at their jobs (that is, when she is between smoke breaks.......). She can even be unnecessarily rude to the patients. During one shift, I had a mental breakdown and cried my eyes out in the break room. When she later brought it up, she told me she treats me like that because that's how her preceptor treated her- so nothing has changed. I just don't know how to deal with all of this negativity. Is this something that is just a norm? Do I just develop thicker skin with time? Or maybe did I just draw the short straw and pick the wrong ER or unit to work in and need to find somewhere else with a more positive environment?

When I have a few days off, then think about having to go back, I just get a pit in my stomach that says I don't want to, and I know it's because of her. I have about a month left on orientation, should I stick it out and see if it gets better after I'm not with her 24/7? I just would like to hear some opinions from maybe some people who have been in similar situations or possibly someone from a management standpoint? Thanks!

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Sounds like one of my past clinical instructors. Sorry you had that experience too. It will get better once you're on your own. Just think of it as practice dealing with difficult personalities. Try to still be fearless with questions, though. You need to learn as much as possible to feel good about your orientation. Only a month left...

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*hugs* I'm sorry you're having such a terrible first job experience! I have known several classmates that have thrived in new grad E.R. positions, so don't entertain possible negativity. And, having worked as a CNA on some very difficult floors I can attest to crying at least twice in the bathroom. It's a normal reaction to stress. Let it out, keep it brief, and make sure your patients are okay and covered before letting it out. Journal about your frustrations when you get home, or anything to release some of your anxiety.

Have you talked to your nurse manager about this? If that is not helpful is there another do-worker that you have become friendly with that you can direct questions to? In my experience there is usually at least one person on the floor/unit that loves to teach and talk to people. See if you can find this person and get your questions answered during any slower times. If that fails, bring your questions home and research them. Bring them to your manager. You can't control your preceptor's behavior but you can control your reaction to her. Remember that your manager saw something in you! Surely they want you to succeed. Wishing the best for you. Keep your eye on the job and your ambitions, and not on your preceptor.

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Another way you could "frame" this situation is remembering that you will be working with all types of negative, can-never-be-pleased people in the E.R. (and everywhere else both in healthcare and in life). When I have dealt with people like this, I try to think of it like I'm getting a good opportunity to practice dealing with the most difficult people possible. If you can figure out how to work around all her flaws and get through this month, you will look back and realize how much she inadvertently taught you. I would never propose this to someone with acute depression or anxiety, but it sounds like you have a decent handle on your job tasks and like the E.R. overall. I hope you keep us posted on what happens, these scenarios are a good lesson for all of us, new and experienced. We are all human and not a single one of us has 100% perfect communication.

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I might okay with this were it not for one thing the OP has said:

"During one shift, I had a mental breakdown and cried my eyes out in the break room. When she later brought it up, she told me she treats me like that because that's how her preceptor treated her- so nothing has changed."

Doesn't this harken back to the conversation in yet another thread about lateral violence? Because that's what this is! This is why we say it still exists - because it does, and this is a clear-cut example.

Chewing someone up because "it was done to me" is NOT okay. It's never okay! When are people going to figure out how to learn from what others do wrong instead of emulating it?

I'm afraid I'd find a way to approach my manager about this, with documentation of everything that's happened. (Based on your statements, you've tried talking to her, and she's justified her behavior. I don't know that I'd approach her again.) Or maybe talk to a trusted, experienced coworker or someone you can look to as a mentor. Have your ducks in a row. Relay facts only, things as they happened. Get some face to face advice from someone who knows you and possibly the situation better than we do.

OP, do you feel like you're learning anything? Do you feel like this is a constructive relationship? You're the only person who can decide that. We can't. I'll admit I've put up with some crap in my day because it was temporary and I felt like I could handle it, but it sounds to me like you're starting to slip past that point.

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On 9/6/2016 at 11:28 PM, cleback said:

Sounds like one of my past clinical instructors. Sorry you had that experience too. It will get better once you're on your own. Just think of it as practice dealing with difficult personalities. Try to still be fearless with questions, though. You need to learn as much as possible to feel good about your orientation. Only a month left...

My daughter who is on last semester left for BSN is dealing with a rude and annoying preceptor. She is documenting everything. I told her to stay calm, keep stress down, never fight or yell, ask questions, or maybe meet one-on-one (which might be good or bad), ask other nice nurses for advice/help if needed etc. We don't want her to fail last semester.

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So, how did this turn out? Are you still in the ER? I know it has been a few years!

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Hey guys ?? OP here! I saw someone asking about how it went so I thought I could give an update! So a good samaritan on the unit actually anonymously went to our unit educator and told her about what was going on, so they put me with a new preceptor on a different shift for the rest of my orientation and everything went really well. I'm still on the same unit to this day, actually work side by side with my original preceptor with no issues and am actually precepting my own new hires now :) thank you all for your advice, three-years-ago me really appreciated it!! :)

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