critique my cover letter? :)

[firefly101]

looking for a little constructive criticism and advice on my cover letter :) this is my first. applying to a new grad ED residency. feel free to nit-pick at wording or details. any input is much appreciated!

My Name

My Address xxx

date: x/x/x

Hiring Director

The XXX Hospital

Hospital Address

Dear Hiring Director,

My name is XXX and I am seeking to join The XXX Hospital staff through the emergency RN internship. I will be graduating with a BSN from XXX School in May 2014 and expect to obtain my RN license early June 2014. I was very excited hear about this opportunity as I have a special interest in emergency nursing.

The BSN program at XXX school has prepared me for this position through 900 hours of clinical rotations, where I have worked with a variety of patient populations from infants to geriatric, including trauma patients. These experiences have provided with skills that I will contribute to this position including organization, collaboration, communication and assessment skills. I enjoy working in a team-oriented, fast-paced environment, and feel that I would be a good fit for the emergency department.

The XXX Hospital's service excellence program outlining the standards of patient care delivery shows how dedicated and passionate the organization is in ensuring that the best care is provided to each client, making it an outstanding place for me to begin my career as a registered nurse. You can contact me at anytime by phone at XXX, or by email at XXX.com.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

My Name

side note: i am also fighting with how i can set myself apart from other applicants by including my activities and work experiences in my cover letter. i want to highlight that i'm highly motivated and have a strong work ethic. while in school I've worked 2 retail jobs at once and both required excellent customer service skills, i am an officer in a club, I've volunteered in community events (assisted elders with activities, taught first aid, ect), mentored pre-nursing students, am on the student development committee for nursing, and i did all this while maintaining Dean's list status during nursing school. i can't decide if it would be appealing to employers to include these things in the letter or would it just be repetitive and unnecessary?

[May 2014]

Carry on you have the job:)