Crazy Things in Last 30 days or so


I have been in PNAP for 6+ years. It is a long story but alas the end is in sight. So like I said I have been doing this program and not really being super concerned with anything EXCEPT poppy seeds and cough medicine. I have had many a nasty flu season that I suffered through not taking one single cough medication for fear. Anyway now I am so PARANOID about perfume, sanitizers, food (super ripe bananas), what did they make my dinner with, sugar alcohols in sugar free candy, my diet pills (OTC of course), if my continued struggle with an eating disorder will throw off my Chemistry so I show a false positive like diabetics do. So what did I do I spent 25.00 on testing strips for alcohol in urine. I know for a fact I do not take anything that I do not have a script for but am now super paranoid about the "incidental" alcohols I have read about. Took my pee test on my own today and had one of those faint lines in the negative which means it is still negative. Has anyone else been super paranoid at the end like this. These last 30 days or so are harder than waiting to do my Ironman last year. Lord did I have questions and worries about that race especially with Jelly Fish in the water during the swim, and yes I got stung about 30 times, what if I get a flat, fear and constant sleepless nights. This is so much HARDER than that was. I mean in 6 years I will be honest I have eaten cookie dough, I have used syrups in my coffee that where sugar free, I used soy sauce with my food, and I used real mouthwash every now and then and even once had an Odules (NASTIEST STUFF IN THE WORLD) never popped positive for alcohol AT ALL. Why am I so FREAKING NUTSO NOW!!!!! The only thing that keeps me sane is coming on here and reading and remembering where I came from and how long I have withstood this. I am sure I will look back and be like WOW! that went by so fast, but right now it feels like the 3 weeks before the Ironman and there is nothing I can do now except wait. The proof will be when I cross the line. Thanks for letting me vent.


J.Adderton, BSN, MSN

168 Articles; 496 Posts

Specializes in Clinical Leadership, Staff Development, Education. Has 30 years experience.

I imagine it is common to feel anxious towards the end of monitoring. When your mind starts to spin, ask yourself how probable is your worry.