Coping while nursing

{{{{Shadelyn}}}}

Believe it or not, it can actually help you in your career. Some of the best lessons I've learned in how to do my job in the darkest moments came from my own experiences with my family.

Sometimes it is very difficult to separate the personal from the professional. If at all possible try to see your loved one. IMO, it is often with regret that we look back when we do not get a chance to say goodbye. I agree with Tazzi that this experience may help you to learn a greater lesson.

I feel for you. I really, really do. During my first job as a nurse, my grandfather died. He lived about 200 miles away and had been in the hospital for at least a month, and I needed some extended time to stay away for about ten days. We were there when he died, and then the funeral planning etc. When I went back to work I was a wreck. I started to cry anytime anyone said they were sorry to hear of my loss. Finally, my manager said "if you can't get it together, you might as well leave. You are no good like this." I stayed and pulled it together.

The second loss I had was an aunt with whom I was very close. Until she got sick. I couldn't stand to be around her. She had advanced uterine cancer, had surgery/chemo/radiation and just didn't look like herself and she was in so much pain! I was a nurse for about 15 years at this point. I did NOT drive the 200 miles to see her. I did what I had to do to protect myself. Is it right? I don't know, it was just right for me at that time.

I have always felt the empathy for famlies when they face death. I have worked with moms w/ fetal demise and liked the work. I have my views of death and dying, and I have MY feelings and emotions when I am confronted with death/dying in a loved one. They are separate. You have to grieve as YOU have to grieve. I don't think the feelings you have in any way change your abilities as a nurse. Feelings are feelings and not logical. When the time comes, you will know what to do. It's hard. Everyone who has lost someone knows that. Hopefully, you will find some empathy at school/work too.