coping and dealing with death in NICU

[nicu4me]

Hi, there was another post in the last week or two from someone else that had a rough couple of weeks. They gave very specific incidences of the cases that they had. However, due to HIPPA and fear of recoginition, I won't be discussing anything particularly identifying. My question to you NICU nurses is how have you adapted, gotten through, accepted, come to peace with, etc. with death and dying in NICU. I purposely left adults to come to NICU because this population is at the beginning of their lives vs. the end of their lives. We have a Level 3 NICU. There has been a tremendous number of sad cases or lingering (4 months/chronic, you know what I mean) cases that seem futile. However, I am spiritual. I am not questioning the futility (most of the time on treatment because there can be gifts and value in lives that are short lived). I have had medical ethics, cultural spiritual, etc. classes that seemed likea a waste of $$, but were actually very good. I am a mature RN, but very sensitive because as you know we all love our babes. I feel sad for the parents and compassion for them as well. The real thing is getting beyond sympathy to empathy. Would a couple of you that have been working for a few years that remember the beginning of their career in NICU to where they are now. Please don't suggest counseling...... Thanks for your support, I love my job too, so don't suggest I find another area. I don't see this with as many people that are newer (having a hard time), so I don't know if it's just me or what. **Oh, by the way one of my interview questions that I asked before accepting is give me an average yearly census and death rates. Supposed to be around 6 with 600 admissions per year. NOT!

[NIGHTWOLF87]

i have been in the nicu for over 3 years now and have seen my share of infants go get their wings and play with the angels. however, in our level iii nicu, deaths are not that common. and the one's that do move on, are the one's that even though they may have a quantity of life, they wouldn't have a quality of life. everyone deals with death and dying on an individual and personal basis, depending on one's feelings and convictions. i've seen some nurse's believe that the little one's are needed in another place. others i have seen believe that it is a just fate. all i know is that the best way to survive in the nicu is to come to terms with your own personal beliefs about death and adhere to them; they will get you through the hard times. like you said, the key is to feel empathy and not sympathy for the parents. i feel for the parents when they lose their little ones. i cannot nor would i want to imagine what they are going through at that time and for the days, weeks, even years to come. to me, in my opinion, the hardest thing i have to do in the nicu is to prepare the "memory box" for the family. but it is something that at times i have to do, so i do it to the best of my ability, and move on. i cannot afford to dwell on the infant's death; i have other sick babies that need my 100% attention as well. when an infant dies on our unit, we usually talk about it, and then let it go. we cannot afford to get too emotionally envolved or it will emotionally drain you. all babies are important. the 39 wk infant in level ii that is about to be discharged is just as important as the 23 wk stat c-section for the mom who had no prenatal care, with active herpes lesions, and who has been ruptured for over 48 hrs. the best thing to help you through trying times is your co-workers, because they can relate and be there for you when you need them the most.